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AIBU?

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Original poster

Not wanting to spend NYE with a newborn?

243 replies

Justheretojudge · 04/12/2016 12:17

Me and my DP decided to go to a NYE event our favourite bar/restaurant are doing this year. Another couple of friends said they want to come too, but are insisting they bring their month old baby with them.

Whilst I get it's their first christmas new year with their first child, and want to spend time with them, a busy bar/restaurant on New Year's Eve isn't really appropriate is it? It will be loud, noisy, late at night, cold later on full of drunk people. Surely this would be no fun for the child?

Allot of other young couples, groups of friends will be celebrating, and I'm sure they wouldn't really enjoy being forced to spend my NYE with a baby.

OP posts:
TataEs · 04/12/2016 21:53

ignore ur mates
they're batshit
they will not be out
i guarantee it

fucking fruit loops

Graphista · 04/12/2016 21:59

User148 I was responding to the idea that babies and children are not welcomed in many social situations in the U.K.

I agree here I would not take a newborn to a bar nye and said so. we also are more likely in uk to not handle drink in a civilised manner.

But if as a society we changed to be more like other countries I would consider that a good thing.

CaffeineBomb · 04/12/2016 22:12

The OP said it was a restaurant not a nightclub in with PaulAnka and wonder how much the rowdiness has been exaggerated

AllPizzasGreatAndSmall · 04/12/2016 22:14

I know OP said she doesn't have any experience or interest in children, but I find it amazing that she thought the other couple would just leave their breast-fed newborn with somebody for several hours and go out partying as if they'd never had a baby.

bloodyteenagers · 04/12/2016 22:26

How is it amazing to not believe this, when some people during pregnancy proclaim how it won't change them. they will still be going out as before. They will be sleeping all night. Cooking amazing meals and having a house that is gleaming.
And then reality hits. If op has been listening to this, then of course she would assume that nothing would change because how is she going to question the ideals of the parents?

SukeyTakeItOffAgain · 04/12/2016 22:36

Why is it amazing she thought they'd leave their baby with a babysitter? When I was 24 I didn't know anything about babies. None of my friends had babies. I certainly didn't know anything about the practicalities of breastfeeding and how often newborns needed feeding . That's not unusual, just pretty normal.

5foot5 · 04/12/2016 22:49

I am on the fence here. Our DD was born in mid November (1995) and friends invited us to a NYE party. I was hesitant to accept as I wasn't sure how it would go, I was still getting the hang of breastfeeding etc when the invitation arrived. They insisted it would be fine, they had a baby only a few months older.

It was a lovely night, the first we had had out of the house since she was born. At that age they really are very portable and much easier to take to social events than a toddler would be. That said I would be a bit thoughtful about a restaurant or bar.

Wendalicious · 04/12/2016 22:53

I'd be the same as it changes the dynamics entirely!

PonderLand · 04/12/2016 23:05

I think YANBU, id find it strange if people with a 4 week old baby went out
on New Year's Eve with their baby! But it really depends on the venue. I don't see why a breastfeeding mother can't drink, although I would be concerned if she was too drunk to latch the baby Grin

Me and a few friends went for a pub meal + alcohol with our babies when they were 6 weeks old, and stayed till about 11pm. I think we were the loudest group in there however it was a huge pub with different areas, they seemed to put families together, young people together etc.

If the baby is only two weeks old then I'd be interested to see if they change their mind. Shit tends to hit the fan when they get to 3-6 weeks old.

InTheKitchenAtParties · 04/12/2016 23:24

I can't wait for little teddy to experience his first NYE

FFS, are they for real? Little teddy won't give a toss.

YANBU

Graphista · 04/12/2016 23:33

Ponderland the alcohol goes into the Breast milk - would you give a newborn baby with tiny fragile organs alcohol?

PonderLand · 04/12/2016 23:59

Well that's interesting, I must of poisoned my baby for 6 months.

Maybe you should look up lactation. Breast milk goes through some pretty intensive filtering and in order for it to have any adverse effect on milk you're more than likely going to be in hospital with alcohol poisoning.

PonderLand · 05/12/2016 00:12

Just to add - I don't agree with parents getting intoxicated and looking after small children but I do think there is an unnecessary stigma surrounding breast feeding mothers and their alcohol intake. If you're not drunk then it's a non-issue. And I'm pretty sure the recent guidelines support that too.

Graphista · 05/12/2016 01:21

Even the nhs guidelines don't exactly recommend it.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/Pages/breastfeeding-alcohol.aspx

Just its 'unlikely' to cause an obvious problem. Personally my daughters health and development was more important than my desire for alcohol. Not a risk I was willing to take.

www.laleche.org.uk/alcohol-and-breastfeeding/

MaryTheCanary · 05/12/2016 01:55

It really depends on the venue and what time they are going to be there. And also on the baby.

If the place is reasonably family-friendly and not a meat market and they are going to come for a shortish while early on in the evening, it may be fine. My kid was colicky in the evening at that age, but some babies would just sleep. I don't think it would be fair or appropriate to keep a baby out long into the evening, or if the place had a certain kind of "vibe."

It's fine to drink in moderation when you are BFing, by the way.

Bogeyface · 05/12/2016 02:03

Our local village pub would ask them to leave at 9pm. Not because they hate children or are not continental enough Hmm but because their licence doesnt allow it and if there was a check then they would lose it.

It has nothing at all to do with the landlord, its standard around here. You can apply for a variation for functions, and these always get approved, but standard licencing says 9pm and the kids have to leave.

So chances are, little Teddy wont be experiencing anything except being asleep at home.

selsigfach · 05/12/2016 02:05

I took my one-month-old to dinner on NYE in a youth hostel bar. Very civilised, carol singing and board games affair and having a baby was no problem. He only woke briefly for a feed every now and again, no screaming whatsoever. You sound very needy.

PerspicaciaTick · 05/12/2016 02:16

It depends on the venue and the sort of event. If it is the sort of loud, drunken, standing in a crushed bar for hours and shouting at one another over the music then, no, it probably isn't really appropriate.

If it is a lovely, roomy, quiet venue, with lots of comfy seats and a gentle hum of background noise then it will probably be fine for the baby.

Strokethefurrywall · 05/12/2016 02:23

Excellent sanctimommy fodder there Graphista, round of applause to you for being such a superior parent in the face of abstaining from alcohol whilst nursing, despite the fact that there is little to no evidence to suggest that having a drink whilst nursing is in any way detrimental to an infants health.

I must have not given a shiny shite about the health and well being of either of my children.

The hysteria on this thread is laughable! Brawls breaking out every which way you look, "imagine the headlines!" pearl clutching. Get a grip everyone.

Chances are said friends will bring tiny little baby in a sling to slug and lettuce, enjoy a few drinks and gastro food served on a dustbin lid, and bigger off home shortly before or immediately after Big Ben strikes. Without fights or getting turfed out on their ears like the irresponsible parents they clearly are.

The OP has stated that she doesn't want the baby to be there because of her on feelings about infants, not concern for the baby or parents. And the fact that people are scoffing at the parents for being such mindless fuckwits in the throes of new parenthood is pretty poor, as if they can't make up their own minds as to whether they'd like to attend an event outside of their home on NYE. Jaysus.

LucretiaBourgeois · 05/12/2016 02:34

You're right, op, your friends shouldn't be so selfish as to inflict their baby on you. And grandparents, being old farts with no lives, never want to do anything on New Year's Eve so there can't be any reason for you to have to put up with this. I'd tell them from the outset that they need to get their priorities right and that if they want to be your friends they need to keep the kid out of sight till it leaves for University.

You say you want to be a parent yourself in time. .Really? Why?

I

Bogeyface · 05/12/2016 03:06

I dont get what is wrong with the OP saying that she doesnt want to spend her NYE with kids around, even if that kid is 6 weeks old.

The whole point of life before kids is that you can do the things that you cant do once you have kids. NYE in this house means getting a babysitter or staying in and as we have no family sitters and local prices are more than we would spend while we are out, we stay in. Thats life.

You have kids, you make compromises and one of those compromises is your social life. You can have a bloody good social life, but you must accept that its going to be different than it was before. If you dont want your life to change after having a baby then you shouldnt be having a baby.

Graphista · 05/12/2016 03:22

I stand by what I said. There's little (not no) proof that alcohol in breastfeeding is harmful because it's an area that would be an ethical minefield experimentally. But we do know it's not advised in pregnancy or to give directly to infants (even tiny amounts in gripe water stopped long ago), so I'm happy to say I personally think it's best not to drink while breastfeeding.

AllPartOfThePlan · 05/12/2016 03:34

I wouldn't have a problem taking a 1 month old to a pub at night (or anywhere to be honest) as at that age it's in a sling and pretty portable. BUT not at New Year, not till 1/2/3am and not a loud party party.

mathanxiety · 05/12/2016 04:17

Babies aged one month do not have 'fun'. It makes no difference to them where they are (restaurant, bar, funeral, zoo, presidential inauguration, etc) as long as they have their mother nearby or believe she is nearby, or have someone to hold them, feed them, attend to needs.

It's up to the parents what they think they and the baby can handle. YYY to Strokethefurrywall.

This is your own issue with babies and attention, OP.

mathanxiety · 05/12/2016 04:18

Graphista, I do not think we can guess from the OP whether the friend wants to drink and breastfeed.

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