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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's shit I feel pressurised to wear a bra?

211 replies

Bambambini · 03/12/2016 23:31

Sitting watching telly, and I can feel the constriction of me wearing a bra. I have small boobs, why do I have to sit here wearing a bra? Why can't I go about my daily business bra free - without being judged!

OP posts:
PhoenixJasmine · 04/12/2016 07:51

Goodness what bizarre logic you have OP. I can only assume you were drunk and are now sleeping it off..... hopefully you'll reappear tomorrow and apologise for calling everyone dumbfucks. That's really not MN cricket, y'know.

When I see small-breasted women going noticeably braless, my reaction is admiration and jealousy. Because usually they look fab and I would not be able to replicate that with my 32Gs, it'd be too uncomfortable.

As for shaving - I went to yoga yesterday and hadn't shaved. It wasn't until I was in uttanasana that I noticed my big toe was fairly hairy. No one fainted because of my hairy armpits being on show. Including when the teacher made an adjustment on me involving touching my hairy feet! It was a total non-issue, other than a 'huh' feeling myself when I noticed.

Be the change you want to see in the world, OP. Or read the whole Gandhi quote and meditate on it a bit, because it's talking about changing your criticism of the perceived ills of the world into examination of your own attitude and acceptance of self.

StarBurger · 04/12/2016 07:53

Fuck bras! I rarely wear one and couldn't give a fuck if people think I should.

thisisafakename · 04/12/2016 08:04

For those of you who think women wouldn't get judged for not wearing a bra, that is bollocks. The DM sidebar of shame is littered with 'X goes braless' or 'Y appears to go braless'. The absence of a bra spawns a whole article with multiple comments, including how slovenly that woman in. You might also remember Charlie Dimmock when she was on groundforce- the press were obsessed with her absence of a bra- article upon article was written about it and any interview with her was usually about her lack of a bra.
It would usually be fairly obvious to the outside world if you did not wear a bra, unless you were wearing fairly thick layered clothing. I have heard comments at work about people not wearing bras, there are workplaces that have rules that women have to wear bras and cannot show any nipple. The list goes on. Of course there is huge social pressure. It's lovely that none of you lot feel it, but it's there. Women get judged on their appearance constantly- including what underwear they have on. To deny it is like me denying that racism is a problem because I know one or two people of colour who have never suffered it. Trust me, it exists.

The dumbfucks thing was still dumb though.

thisisafakename · 04/12/2016 08:07

To demonstrate, a search for the term 'braless' on the DM website (which, like it or not, is one of the world's most read news sites) reveals 1,942 articles

PhoenixJasmine · 04/12/2016 08:13

fakename yeah, but if I see or hear sidebar-of-shame type shit, I judge the person spouting it, not the target of it. Sad little lives they must lead worrying about other peoples bodies like that.

thisisafakename · 04/12/2016 08:13

PhoenixJasmine, are you honestly saying that there is no social expectation on women to remove hair? Just because your yoga teacher didn't say anything about your TOE? This comes the day after a hotel in London's staff dress code was revealed, which clearly stated that women must remove all visible body hair, including on the face. Not shaving was equated with having a shower and brushing your teeth- ie poor hygiene. You might think that there is zero pressure, but in the real world, if you went out and about with unshaved armpits, you would get comments- perhaps not to your face but certainly behind your back. Whether you care or not is a different matter, but don't pretend that the pressure is not there and that nobody cares. It doesn't help.

passingthrough1 · 04/12/2016 08:16

Not sure most people think in daily mail shamebar terms all day long though. I've never seen a pregnant woman and thought she was flaunting or hiding her bump (has to be one of the two, can't be neither).

I think the fact is less people look and you and judge you as you expect because most people are preoccupied thinking about themselves.

thisisafakename · 04/12/2016 08:16

PhoenixJasmine, the point is that the sidebar of shame reflects social attitudes. It's not that nobody in the real world cares- they do care and if you worked in a professional environment, you may get called into HR for not wearing a bra or not removing hair. You could get away with it on the school-run, but people would probably still see fit to gossip behind your back about things like hairy armpits or obviously braless. f you worked, it would be harder. These attitudes are entrenched and pervasive and the OP is correct to challenge them.

thisisafakename · 04/12/2016 08:21

Not sure most people think in daily mail shamebar terms all day long though. I've never seen a pregnant woman and thought she was flaunting or hiding her bump (has to be one of the two, can't be neither)

Haha, re the bump thing. I think that the no bra judgment does exist as does the hair removal one. Massively. I am going by conversations between young(ish) people that I have overheard over the years. Not wearing a bra would attract jokes and office gossip depending on how obvious it was. Not removing hair would be seen as 'gross', especially armpit hair. There are Q&As on employer websites asking whether HR can force a woman to wear a bra as it's 'distracting'. I have heard groups of men laugh at and express disgust for women who do not remove hair or do not remove enough hair. There is huge social pressure to conform. If you can rise above it, good for you, but many people can't (as they would lose their job) or don't feel confident enough to do so.

BreatheDeep · 04/12/2016 08:21

The only time I have noticed other women's bra wearing habits is when they have double boobage from a really bad fitting bra and I think 'ouch, that looks uncomfortable'.
I wish I had smaller boobs so I didn't have to wear one. I'm just jealous of ladies who can wear pretty, strappy/strapless clothes with no concerns.

burgundyandgoldleaves · 04/12/2016 08:22

Just don't wear one, honestly. I detest bras and I rarely wear one.

cheekyfunkymonkey · 04/12/2016 08:24

Noone cares whether op wears a bra or what DM thinks. There have been a lot of first world problem threads on here recently but this is probably the most ridiculous.

Thisjustinno · 04/12/2016 08:35

The OP was complaining about the pressures to wear a bra in her home watching TV at 11.30pm and how uncomfortable she was.

Society/the DM isn't pressuring women to wear bras at night at home while watching telly.

thisisafakename · 04/12/2016 08:37

There have been a lot of first world problem threads on here recently but this is probably the most ridiculous

More so than 'how do I tell my kids that Santa is not real' which seems to crop up fairly often? Seriously? I think the revelations about the Dorchester Hotel dress code were quite a serious issue actually, showing deep-rooted attitudes about how women should look, act and dress. You do also realise that feminists burned their bras in an act of defiance against social expectations to look a certain way? That hasn't changed- if anything the social expectations on how women should look are stronger than ever.

If you look into this issue further, there is an article that reports that a Cologne Court ordered that an employer can force a woman to wear a bra. There are also instances on HR websites where it has been questioned whether an employee can be reprimanded for not wearing one. I remember a woman who went on This Morning saying she had not shaved for a year. The negative reaction from the public was overwhelming.

I would say that an issue that affects women to this extent, is far from a first world problem (it also affects women from poorer countries). If women belittle each other for raising it and pointing it out, we will never have a world where people can genuinely be free to look how they want without fear of prejudice.

Don't let your dislike of the OP cloud the actual issue here.

thisisafakename · 04/12/2016 08:39

The OP was complaining about the pressures to wear a bra in her home watching TV at 11.30pm and how uncomfortable she was

No, she wasn't. She said she was struck by how uncomfortable it was, but her later posts revealed that she was complaining about societal pressures generally.

TaraCarter · 04/12/2016 08:42

I went without a bra for a bit because they seemed more irritating than supportive, and I assumed no-one noticed. I was sharply disabused of this notice when a teenage girl ridiculed me in the street one morning.

I went back to wearing bras.

Thisjustinno · 04/12/2016 08:44

She said that after her OP saying she was watching TV feeling constricted and asked 'Why do I have to sit here wearing a bra?'

It's was when people said well you don't ...that she started talking about societal pressures and calling people dumbfucks.

TaraCarter · 04/12/2016 08:44

*this notion

TheMasterMurderedMargarita · 04/12/2016 08:47

I'm with you OP.
I did go bra less for a while at work after I'd had some surgery and they rubbed on my scars.
No one said anything but eyebrows were raised.
I'm now breastfeeding and much older and have decided to give zero fucks.
Judge away.

TheMasterMurderedMargarita · 04/12/2016 08:49

And evidently sleep deprived.
I mean I've stopped wearing bras now too, it's just too much hassle and discomfort.

madein1995 · 04/12/2016 08:49

Yanbu. I dont wear a bra at home and if there were likely to be no judgement would never wear onr

thisisafakename · 04/12/2016 08:50

It's was when people said well you don't ...that she started talking about societal pressures and calling people dumbfucks

Which is true, surely? Of course you can do what you like if there is nobody there to judge you (or somebody who doesn't judge you). But the OP's bra is going to be uncomfortable during the working day as well as at 11.30 at night. The societal pressure is there- of course you can take your bra off when you come home. You can also walk round your house naked when you get home. It doesn't really help when you are judged in public though. If I work for an employer who forces me to wear high heels for example, it's of limited consolation if I am told I can wear flats when I get home.

PberryT · 04/12/2016 08:54

I don't get this judgy thing. I don't shave my legs from September to March. No fucker even notices let alone passes judgement.

Armpits are shaved weekly unless I know I'll be wearing something revealing.

Bra is worn outside the house for comfort. At home it depends on how I feel.

I've never had a comment from anyone. Conversely I wouldn't judge anyone for their bra/hair etc.

LaLaLolly · 04/12/2016 09:00

I doubt you're being pressurised.

I don't even think you're being pressured.

You might judged for not being able to use a dictionary though.

PhoenixJasmine · 04/12/2016 09:10

fakename you've used several straw man arguments against me there, which doesn't really help you make your case. Especially as we appear to be on the same 'side' of this argument, just that our approaches are different. I am saying, BE the change, it starts with you. Your posts read as hand-wringing but not taking any action, unless I've missed something, it just feels like you're telling the rest of us we're doing feminism wrong, tbh. How is the OP challenging anything? By submitting to the perceived pressure?

This thread is going to end up being lifted by the tabloid press now. In which case: fuck off you lazy scumbag journos and write your own articles - this isn't news. Dumbfucks Grin