To ask what you would honestly think of parents who

[otterlygorgeous]

Never turned up to their child's school play, sports day or other events? Did go to parents evenings.

Two kids in primary...two school plays a year, plus sports day, plus parents evening (not always after work hours and twice a year), plus open class days. Can all add up...8-10 days a year? We both work with great organisations who are flexible, but it's not possible for both of us to be at everything

I'd cheer extra loud for them and take photos to share with the parents. I work in a school and have to take unpaid leave to see my daughter in things. Sometimes it isn't possible due to teaching commitments. Luckily my dh can often manage it, although she's told us not to bother recently as she doesn't want us there! Some families would risk their jobs by attending or may be financially unable to take unpaid leave. We don't have anyone who could step in either. It's sad but not to be judged.

"I"d cheer extra loud for them and take photos to share with the parents",
Pollymere, the school were you work is lucky to have you, what a lovely comment.

Two parents with 40 odd days annual leave between them? I'd wonder (and do) wonder why they don't turn up occasionally.

Personally, I'd wonder at the maths skills of someone with this thought process. Children are in school for 190 days a year. That means they are not in school for 175 days. Even with 104 of those being at the weekend, that leaves 71 non-school days to be covered by the 40 days annual leave you mention. Add a few days caring for sick children, perhaps children at different schools with different TD days, and it's not difficult to see why it might not be possible for some parents.

And I would wonder at the reading skills of someone who would go to the bother of posting at such great length to make the exact same point as several other posters earlier in the thread, permanantlyexhausted

I'd think they have jobs but also that they put those jobs before their kids. Pretty much all the parents at DD's school work and the majority are in very high powered important positions but most still manage to get to the big events. If someone couldn't get to any I'd think they put their job before their child. It grates on me personally as my ex does that to our daughter when he could very very easily juggle things around or not take yet another promotion, he certainly doesn't need even more money, but that's my own issues rather than the reality for everyone. I'm sure many people are in jobs where they can't just take time off whenever they want or can't work flexi hours to accommodate school stuff plus holidays plus sick days etc.

"I'd think they have jobs but also that they put those jobs before their kids"

" I'm sure many people are in jobs where they can't just take time off whenever they want or can't work flexi hours to accommodate school stuff plus holidays plus sick days etc."

Which do you actually think then?

Because your first line is a bitchslap to every parent on this thread (and others) who can't. Not won't. Can't. I doubt Sports Direct let their staff have the afternoon off for the Nativity.

Allpartoftheplan there are people on here saying that there have been 10 or so events this term-less than a 4 month period. I don't know of many jobs that are ok with people just taking a half day/day with very little notice every 2 weeks or so. Not every works in an office job where the work can be done on flexi time.

Like others on here, I'm a teacher so can't get out easily. DH is also a teacher and we have no family nearby. I am fortunate that I work part-time so I can get to things if they're on my days off. Unfortunately, my DD's school puts almost every event on a Friday afternoon when I work. My DD says she is often the only person who doesn't have a parent there, but she understands why and isn't upset.

I already feel guilt-ridden about it and it's not helpful to think there are other parents out there who are judging me for not "taking annual leave" and coming.

What is it with teachers? Why do you think you are the only ones who don't have sufficient days off to go to school events?

Teachers are special bibbity!
One wonders why there are so many on here,,,,are they all skiving or on mat leave?

I've been wondering that to bobbity- especially the "id assume they were teachers" posts. I used the example of my friends above - an anaesthetist and a judge- loads of people can't get time off. I can't if I have an important meeting or
Deadline either

I think the thing with teachers is that they have zero control about their days off, and typically none of them will fall during their children's term time. That's not unique to teaching but a very common example of the phenomenon.

And there's lots of them here because there's an awful lot of teachers about - around 1 for every 20 children in the country, so potentially 1/10 of MNers!

I can't honestly remember looking to see if my parents were at things or not, when I was a child.

People in high powered jobs tend to have the power to work their hours flexibly. It is people in low powered jobs who don't.

I find this really strange because I remember being chronically embarrassed by my parents and didn't want them at anything ever (my parents are not actually, particularly embarrassing

Precisely. I would imagine that the parents who know their children will be upset will try to attend and if they can't, there is a good reason for not doing so (which could be work, could be caring responsibilities or, as I mentioned above, not wanting to run the gauntlet of the judgey parents anyway). Those who know their kids don't much care, won't bother.

My ds only had nativity plays in infant school, I went to 2 and my husband went to 1. Neither of us has been to a sports day ever. We have however been to many many football matches and training sessions, swimming lessons, athletics training sessions and meetings . For the simple reason that they are all in the evenings, on flexi days or at weekends.

I honestly can't remember if my parents came to things or not. I do know that they came to at least some concerts and carol services when I was in my school and county choirs at secondary school.

But all those concerts and services would have been in the evenings.

I don't think pushing for evening events is the answer. It's hassle for parents (what happens to the siblings?) and often to the detriment of the small children who are dragged back in after a long day at school. I think there just need to be fewer of these things! Yes - it's good for kids to learn to speak in public, but why not use school assemblies for this (for example). The other problem with events for parents is the non stop practising that goes on. At my DD's old school, she didn't have a single lesson for 3 weeks one Christmas because they were practising for the play...which had to be perfect because the parents were coming. Totally misplaced priorities.

That's not true bratsy. I'm
In a high powered job. I can't tell the board of directors to wait for their reports or miss their meetings .

I was that kid. Never cried. I think I just gave up and didn't get upset because I knew it wasn't going to happen. My parents are self employed, they could have arranged cover but never did, actually they went to one of my nativity plays, another kid pointed them out to me as I didn't bother looking for them as I assumed as usual they weren't coming. I remember being nervous as hell, probably because it was so odd/the pressure of having them there.

The reason there are so many teachers on here is that they have fixed holidays, which is much less common in other professions. So there is no flexibility at all to take time off during the term, when of course all school events are held. Obviously this is advantageous for being with your kids in the holidays but it does mean little opportunity to attend any of your own DCs school events. Most teachers and their children are perfectly accepting of this. Of course we don't imagine we are the only ones who have difficulty taking time off.

As regards to evening performances,it seems to make sense that for big events there is a daytime option and an evening option which would hopefully suit different families' needs.

We were unable to attend most of the day time events at school because of work.
All of our annual leave would be spent covering the school holidays. Still didn't have enough leave, so had to book unpaid days - as we had no family to help out.
We were not the only parents experiencing this, so I don't think our children felt they were the odd ones out.

As regards to evening performances,it seems to make sense that for big events there is a daytime option and an evening option which would hopefully suit different families' needs.

I do accept this point - but, ultimately, these things should be done for the benefit of the kids. It's a school, not a theatre. One thing a year well advertised in advance? Fair enough. If space is limited, two performances with tickets (then not every child has someone at each one). Most people should be able to work something out around that. It's the endless stream of book fairs, coffee mornings, open afternoons in the classroom, assemblies where parents can watch (ad inf) which cause so much stress and angst.

I agree. But parental involvement is a tick-box for OFSTED.....

There are other ways of involving parents though. I imagine open afternoons in the classroom are stressful for teachers and not productive generally. Parents can get involved with reading challenges, physical activities at weekends and evenings and in various other ways I'm sure. As others have said the big events with lots of notice are not a problem but the smaller ones with less notice.

My DD is only in nursery, but they have occasional events where parents are invited. DD is part of a Xmas show his year for example- obviously can't have late evening events for 2+3 year olds but it's an afternoon, and we were given 3 months notice. DH and I are both able to clear out diaries for that afternoon, and arrange cover. If I found out today, with 2 weeks notice chances are neither of us could go.