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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what you would honestly think of parents who

227 replies

otterlygorgeous · 03/12/2016 13:05

Never turned up to their child's school play, sports day or other events? Did go to parents evenings.

OP posts:
BaronessEllaSaturday · 04/12/2016 18:13

Two parents with 40 odd days annual leave between them? I'd wonder (and do) wonder why they don't turn up occasionally.

Only 1 parent here and although I don't get quite get 40 days it's not much less but crucially they are fixed holidays. I do not get any days that I can book at my own convenience. Thankfully they are doing an evening performance of the nativity which I can attend and I did manage to get to parents evening but so far this term I've missed 5 events during the day. Thankfully DD does understand that I'm at work and can't be there.

winterisnigh · 04/12/2016 18:19

I wouldn't notice but would feel its sad that not once in the school career parents couldn't turn up to see something and arrange holiday for that day?

Or half day? I had friend whose DM was shy and couldn't come, and her DF wasn't bothered, it made her feel sad that they didnt come.

DiegeticMuch · 04/12/2016 18:30

I didn't go to sports days but I attended all plays, concerts and football/rugby matches. It sometimes involved taking annual leave but I was happy to do it. I scarcely noticed what other parents were up to. Those who were teachers elsewhere attended very few events. Our local MP's children attended the school but he was often in London on weekdays so rarely made it, although his wife tried to.

ClareN1980 · 04/12/2016 18:39

Sorry this isn't any of your business!

Mumtotwobs · 04/12/2016 18:40

Well our school has two or three performances of the nativity and sometimes other things too owing to lack of space. My children have to understand that we only get allocated two spaces and thats it so we won't be there for every performance because it's a school policy. They just have to accept it.

I am also in education and again have the bulk of the holidays with the children and to me that's far more important than me being in a profession that allows me odd hours here and there to attend a performance but means I have to palm my kids off on every holiday. I previously worked in industry and got 20 days plus bank holidays and with the amount of activities or school does I'd easily use at least half if not more than that just to take time to attend them!

I just find some comments this thread completely astounding and feel sorry for those who think that every child can have the luxury of a SAHP or one with a pretty flexible working environment. And even more sorry that some schools and parents like the OP make it an environment where it's ok to almost goad and upset the children whose parents have no other option! Get in the real world peeps!

mimishimmi · 04/12/2016 18:41

I wouldn't even notice and if I did, I'd assume they were busy during the day.

Wolverbamptonwanderer · 04/12/2016 18:43

Winter- how would you know whether someone hasn't been in their child's whole school career?!Shock you'd have to stalk them for 12 years....

Anyway I'm sure there are parents who don't and as a PP said sure in their case it's nothing to do with working and everything to do with social factors such as addiction, poor parenting, sickness and disability, or cruelty.

SherbrookeFosterer · 04/12/2016 18:44

Suggest you all go together and knock out a simple supper afterwards.

They may just be intimidated by these things. Some parents can be hyper competitive and they may have been at the brunt of that.

I have heard of some parents worrying about what to wear when collecting or dropping off their DCs because of this.

Floey · 04/12/2016 18:45

I would think they work and that you should get a life if you are counting

Unsureif · 04/12/2016 18:53

I'd presume they are teachers like DH and myself. Can't get time off teaching or book holidays. I feel shit for my children but not a lot I can do. To feel like I might be judged or spoken about by other parents for not being there takes the biscuit.

It's one of the reasons I'm thinking of becoming a Govenor - so that I can push for evening events!

Cool1Cat · 04/12/2016 19:14

Really not your business is it? Do you judge others to make yourself feel better because you have low self esteem? Get some counselling before your kids turn out like you.

FearandLoathinginLasVegas · 04/12/2016 19:15

I wouldn't think anything of the parents, but I would feel sorry for the child. (it used to be me btw and my children used to get upset/cry but didn't tell me - they've since told me what happened)

AlbertHerbertHawkins · 04/12/2016 19:20

I would think that it was nine of mu business.
For the record, my kids weren't bothered whether I attended those things or not.

FourKidsNotCrazyYet · 04/12/2016 19:28

Not every parent turns up to even. Price wether others are there or. It. Or is it just me?

Yoarchie · 04/12/2016 19:36

I don't keep track of who turns up to what so I probably wouldn't think anything.

However, I do think that never ever going to a child's play/any performance is a bit shit for all concerned. In all the 7 years of primary school if a parent did not go to any plays or any sports days, tbh I would think they worked abroad. I would say arguably that attendance at one of those things is more important to the child than parents evening, which if you are desperate, can be done over email. I've done this.

At our school, of course nobody can possibly attend everything for every child so we usually find out who can make it and that person will be designated to smile or wave or say well done or whatever input is required to the kids of people who can't make it. I also usually apologise to my dc in advance and explain the reason why I cannot make a particular thing. Sometimes if it's possible I send a grandparent in my place.

paddypants13 · 04/12/2016 19:37

I wouldn't notice and if I did I would assume they both had to work.

CharliePurple · 04/12/2016 19:38

I'd wonder if they were teachers or TAS, that's assuming I even noticed.

caringcarer · 04/12/2016 19:43

I'd think they worked during the day and not allowed time off but came to evening events when they were home from work. I was really disappointed I could not go to dc play as he had a really large part this year but I am a teacher and have responsibility for students learning.

stargazer2030 · 04/12/2016 19:52

I'd presume they were teachers.

Daydream007 · 04/12/2016 20:49

Stop being judgemental and all high and mighty. They are probably working and struggle to take time off or there may be another genuine reason. They are probably supporting their kids in other ways

cherish123 · 04/12/2016 21:01

I am assuming you have a lot of time on your hands! The parents you are referring to would probably love to come but have to work. I think it is quite arrogant of you to put on such a post. It is just as well you are so perfect.

AnneElliott · 04/12/2016 21:20

I don't think i'd notice as a parent which others parents aren't there.

Must be hard for the kids though. I remember my parents couldn't be bothered to turn up when I got invested in Brownies. All the other parents made it - that hurt, but mainly as I knew there was no real reason stopping them.

MrsNuckyThompson · 04/12/2016 21:31

I would probably be relieved I wasn't the 'worst' parent!!

ojr1609 · 04/12/2016 21:41

I am one of these parents! I miss almost everything that happens at my son's school and beat myself up about it every time. It breaks my heart to see his little face when I have to say no 😖

The only two things I am able to go to are his Christmas play (if it's not on in the evening) and his Mother's Day assembly if there's nothing major on at my school.
As a full time teacher, it's exceptionally difficult! It's part of my job and life I wish I could change because I really value that my mum was able to be at everything.

ukpor · 04/12/2016 22:00

DH and I both work full time and try to go for as many school events as possible but we never miss parents evening. My DS does get upset that we can't attend cake sales, some fairs but he knows he's very much loved and we do it for him.
I know I'm judged by some parents but I don't give a toss. They don't provide for us.

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