To ask what you would honestly think of parents who

[otterlygorgeous]

Never turned up to their child's school play, sports day or other events? Did go to parents evenings.

I'd think thank duck I'm not the only parent with a job that prevents me doing this.

And I'd empathise because it's very guilt ridden.

Oh don't be! It's hard going isn't it you feel like you're always in the wrong.

This is what happened to me. My mother was more interested in her work than she was in me and anything I was doing at the time. Pretty much set the tone for how the old bag was during my entire life.

When I was in Junior school I had parents who worked three shift rota. My Mum was one of the few that worked. They were forever turning up late to the school play and always had to arrange Parents evening at another time.

I did notice...especially when I was in the choir on a tiered stage looking out for them and they arrived late at the back.Though I think there was a big element of not giving a fuck. I lived with my GP's so my Grandma was always there

I'd notice. It's always the same kids crying when at least one parent doesn't turn up.

Two parents with 40 odd days annual leave between them? I'd wonder (and do) wonder why they don't turn up occasionally.

Genuinely, is a child crying over this!

I'm not observant enough to notice whether a specific child never has anyone there or not, unless they're good friends with the kids & then I'd generally know the situation & if possible do something to make the child feel like someone was there watching them/cheering them on, saying I'm looking forward to seeing them in the show tonight, making an effort to tell them how great they were, cheering them on in their races or whatever.

I'm fortunate that I can be there. I don't judge parents who can't, I do my best to support the kids whose parents aren't there at any given event. Which is what I'd hope for if the shoe was on other foot.

I wouldn't notice at all.

Why don't you ask dc how they feel about it. I wouldn't give a shit what anyone else thought.

I don't even think I'd notice
Can you send someone else in your place though? Grandparents/aunts/uncles/friends?
It's nice for a child to see a familiar face in the audience and see that someone made the effort, I've watched my friends kids in a Christmas play before and they were so excited that it was special enough for someone outside of their immediate family to want to come (they had no idea I only came as a last resort when no family could)

There is a difference between a child crying because they expected a parent to turn up and they have not and a child who has had his or her expectations managed.

My mum rarely attended events during the school day as she worked.

I struggle as I am a teacher. I felt pretty terrible last year when I said I couldn't go to dd's Christmas thing - the staff gasped and said "but it's only half an hour!" Yes it was only half an hour but it started at 10:30 and I have an hour commute to work. So it would be 2/3rds of the way through the pupil day before I got to work. My employer is extremely supportive and flexible about these things and I have asked this year (dh went last year) but it will be restricted to one or two events per year.

Oh and in answer to your question, who has time to notice these things?

Yes, children get upset when their parents never attend anything. That's hardly surprising is it? All their friends parents there telling them how great they were, but not theirs...

It depends on a lot of other things too. Children tend to understand if you have a job where you can't choose your leave (teachers, services) or if their boss just won't let them take leave, some kids even understand when it's 'just not mummy's thing' but many parents just don't turn up, without preparing the kids beforehand. Imagine looking at the sea of faces and never seeing someone there who loves you and is proud of you?!

Of course some kids will cry.

I could never attend stuff during the day (teacher - can't get time off) and even sometimes a parents' evening would class with directed time at my workplace - such as another parents' evening.

I attended what I could, sometimes GPs could go and sometimes not. I didn't even consider what other people thought of this - I suppose I assumed they would have better things to think about.

I'd think they have jobs.

I also think these sodding things are such a political nightmare (see threads about Mary and Joseph for reference) and hyped up by schools to such an extent (see threads referring to Christmas preparations in schools which begin in October) that it's invariable the children think that something very small and insignificant in the scheme of things is so very important that tears are shed.

(and I love Christmas so am not bah humbugging, but the British School Christmas needs a good slap IMO) [sgrin]

You're surprised kids cry over this?

After class assembly there is always a parent/child activity for 15 minutes. Same kids upset and crying every time because they have to do it with a teacher

It would depend if these events were all during normal working hours. DP works in the NHS and because of patients they have to give 1 months notice to have any annual leave, however short. Some teachers seem to have no idea of the reality of working life for many.

After class assembly? That's bloody ridiculous. The school needs to take a good hard look at how it's setting up the vast majority of kids to be disappointed, regularly.

It isn't just Christmas though. I have a friend whose primary school had a weekly tea and cake break for "all the mums". So all parents were expected to provide cake and attend breaktime every week. How many people can manage that?

I remember being a bit disappointed in my mum never coming as it just felt like she wouldn't even consider taking some time. Thinking back now (and I think even then I was aware) that she felt very uncomfortable and generally didn't like socialising with the other parents or having to chat to the teachers. They did go in the evenings though.

And not all of us have GPs living nearby who can pop into these things. In fact our GPs are either dead or frail, and so couldn't actually go without us taking them.
Actually annoys me this shit.

I agree Annie - if something the school is doing is making children cry, then perhaps they should not be doing it?
Why would a school set up a parent/child activity in the full knowledge that some parents work (the majority surely? ) and therefore yes it will be the 'same kids' who get upset by this...?

If it was someone elses family I wouldn't even notice

I'd personally feel really sorry for the child, because that's what happened to me, every single time right through the entirety of school and included parents evenings too. When I was younger my mother didn't work and my father worked days so both could have attended the evening things but they never wanted to. When I was older my father still could have attended but chose not to, while my mother worked evenings but never asked to take annual leave or anything, by then I guess it was established that I would just have no-one there. It really hurt and felt like they simply didn't care, which they still don't to this day. Made all the more hurtful by the fact that they did attend my brothers parents evenings every time. When I complained about this they said they didn't "have to" with me, as he is dyslexic and I'm not. To see my parents friends there giving a damn every single time and mine just not... yeah, it sucked.

I'd feel sad for them, as a complete projection of my own experience desperately trying (and failing) to get someone to swap shifts with me next week so I can see DD's first nativity. DH already had to go to parents evening alone this week.