To be annoyed at being called "Mrs"

[Level75]

I kept my surname when I got married, so I'm Ms Level. Mrs Level is my mum. AIBU to be irritated when people call me Mrs Level. Is there any polite way to set them straight?

hyacinth keep saying 'strawmen' all you want. What you are posting has no relevance on what I posted at all.

I didn't say it should be discussed I said people have no right to force their opinion on someone unless it's asked for.

When spoke about why so many women seemingly don't like their own surname. I put forward my theory that some women may say it rather than hear derogatory comments from other women who think they have a right to an opinion on their choice. I wasn't talking about you in particular. I was talking about my experiences in general. On here and RL.

You keep saying you have the right to comment on other people's choices. I said that unless it's asked for, you don't have that right.

That's not shutting down discussion. That's saying that no one has the right to force their opinion on anyone.

Keep adjusting your argument or talking in circles all you want. I am not shutting down conversation. I haven't said this thread isn't ok. Just that people who are snidey about women's choices are anti feminist. It seems to have bothered you an awful lot.

You keep saying you have the right to comment on other people's choices. I said that unless it's asked for, you don't have that right.

Of course she has that right. What country do you live in?

In the British public sector you assume that female members of the public are Ms Name unless they write to you and sign off Susan Name (Miss) or Susan Name (Mrs) - which some still do (and I have no idea why) and you follow their wishes.

I agree with you completely. I'm Ms. Muppet, and find it very annoying when people who know perfectly well I haven't changed my name, address me as Mrs. DH. My name served me perfectly well for 25yrs and I have no interest in my identity changing because I'm married.

It really annoyed DHs family that our DC is double barrelled. MIL kept on mentioning that my surname could be the (unused) middle name. Thankfully, DH then mentioned that we could just give DC my surname and she stopped going on about it sharpish!

It's not me who's adjusting my argument scooby. You're adjusting it for me. You clearly think I've criticised the decision of women who've changed their names and suggested they shouldn't do so, when in fact I have done no such thing. I have been careful not to. Pointing out the historical context in which they have made that choice is not the same as criticism. It's just not. It's simply a statement of FACT: not opinion, fact. So yes, you are inventing strawmen to savage. If you weren't talking about me but rather your experiences in general, you wouldn't have said what you said whilst quoting my posts.

And yes, I unequivocally, without a shadow of a doubt have the right to comment on anyone's choice. Even though I haven't exercised that right. Because we live in a free country, and so I would have that right even if other women's choice to adopt a chattel custom didn't impact on me. Which it does. You saying you don't think I have the right to do is not only pretty much by definition trying to shut down debate, it's simply incorrect.

Not read the full thread, but it made me laugh and roll my eyes that one of the first few replies was along the lines of 'haven't you got more important things to worry about?' They are always to be expected on these threads. It's like 'one two three.... oh, there she is! clap clap clap'

There are so many hard of thinking people on here that it makes me cringe.

I've not read your rant, hyacinth, but the very fact you have given yourself that username makes me think that I have not lost out on any educational opportunities by not doing so. Wake me up when we get out of the 50s.

And yet your post of 20:45 reads rather like one of mine from upthread mumofone! That, plus the 50s line, makes me wonder if perhaps there's been some confusion.

I apologise in advance, Hyacinth, but I really don't know who's side of the argument you are on, because I have not been able to make it past the first few words to read your posts.

This is really rude of me, and you could be on my side, but I HAVE NO IDEA!!

Level75 I have no idea why you're irritated but there's a simple and easy way to correct people. Tell them. Be it email, verbal or whatever else, try communicating your irritance.

dontcrynow
^Im Dr (PhD) Dontcrynow but most people I know still refer to me as Mrs Dontcrynow. I find it a little annoying because I worked bloody hard for my doctorate yet some people get funny about it, saying I should only use it at work. Why?^

See the picture for an explanation!* I am a PhD too. Don't use it at work or otherwise and only have it (and other letters after my name) on professional correspondence at the insistence of my employers.

I assume that you want to have your title used to elevate yourself above the plebs. Isn't this a part of the reason 'Mrs' was created, to show you've married. How about the poor people (my DH) who work very hard and go back to being Mister after years of Doctor? No one will know how special he is! The only reason I ever use Dr outside of professional correspondence is on my credit card. Our Dean told us that we were far more likely to get upgraded on flights when they saw that.

BigFatBollocks
^I am a Miss and the school repeatedly refer to me as a Ms in correspondence for some very strange reason!^

Check out the thread about pink cards given to girls and blue cards given to boys. At the insistence of some ride-on feminists / general complainers, people, especially those like schools, live in fear of 'offending' someone. I'm sure it's no coincidence that these perma-complainers are the ones who choose to be called Ms.

I'm a happy Mrs. If someone tells me they'd like to be Ms then of course I oblige but make a mental note that they're significantly more likely to be a pain in the arse at some point in the future. Besides which, it's such an ugly word. Better than Mx (pronounced 'mʌks ?). Fortunately, I expect I'll be long dead before people are forced to use that one.

*I'm well aware of the historical irony here

I get irritated when people call me Mrs. I'm divorced and kept my married name so I'm the same as the kids but I sure as hell am not his Mrs anymore! With companies or people who don't really know me I just correct them with "it's Ms, thanks" but when some people who are well aware of everything that happened and know damn well I'm not Mrs anymore call me it I do get irrationally angry and silently scream inside my head at them.

ps my ex is Dr, I call him Mr just to wind him up. It works.

BuggerfortheBottle you assume a Ms is going to be a perma-complainer or pain in the arse later??? Wow. Let me explain to you why I'm a Ms. I was always Miss, got married, became Mrs, all very traditional, thought someone who used Ms was an old maid, trans, lesbian or wanker frankly. Then 20 years later I got divorced, because he was a lying cheating violent rapist. There was no question about keeping the surname, I want to stay the same as my children and he would never agree to change their names so fine, I keep the surname. But I'm now 40, I'm not a bubbly little girl, I don't feel like a sprightly young full of hope teenager hoping for a man anymore, I'm a bitter, twisted, miserable, premenopausal old hag now and not a Miss. I also am now in a career where age and perception of women especially does make a difference unfortunately and I don't want someone seeing Miss and assuming I'm a 20 year old inexperienced little girl they can push around. I am also not married and do not want to be thought of as his wife anymore or part of his family, as Mrs or Miss would imply to those who don't know us particularly well. And as you implied there are perks or rather different treatments afforded to people with different titles - Dr might get you an upgrade, well Ms makes companies take me just a little more seriously. I do notice a difference when companies think I'm a Miss, so why wouldn't I use the title which gives me a little bit better service? Also I don't want to be defined by whether I have a man or not, I spent long enough being defined by him. Ms gives no indication of my age or marital status but people tend to assume I'm older and as you said I'm more likely to be a pain in the arse so fine, so be it if it gets me better service. But it's a very misguided and prejudice attitude to have these days.

"you assume a Ms is going to be a perma-complainer or pain in the arse later?"

Yes I do and your rambling wall of text rather proves my point, doesn't it?

"I do get irrationally angry and silently scream inside my head at them...But it's a very misguided and prejudice attitude to have these days."

I take it back. 100% of Mses* encountered since writing that seem entirely 'normal'.

*not sure what the collective noun for Ms is. A coven? A cacophony? A monotony?

Wow. SMDH.

SMDH?

Just when I thought I was fairly au fait with acronyms around here.

That makes so much sense allpartoftheplan it's weird the things people will refuse to get on mumsnet. I'm older than you and Miss just doesn't sit right at all.

Honestly, unless it's for something formal, do people really care if you are a Ms, Mrs or Mr?
Let it go and worry about something else, back in the day I personally preferred being called a Miss to Madam but such is life I no longer look like a Miss. It can go on... correct the offender and move on.

Haha at buggerforthebottle - that is priceless

If ever there were an incentive for calling yourself Ms it's those posts

I have been Ms for 20 years, since I started work, married for 18 of those. I made the choice for me because I do care, but I never get irritated by people getting it wrong, perhaps because I just assume it's a genuine mistake based on what is still the norm in this country. What is really lovely is meeting women who made the decision to be a Ms after meeting me, I work with young people and it's surprising how many girls decide they don't want the norm after meeting a Ms and asking her about it.

HapShawl

What is? Paininthearsery to prove a point?

I think you're proving my point and doing us women a huge disservice. Smugglypuff?

you are hilarious

If someone with your opinions is so pissed off about it I'm definitely doing the right thing

I'm not even slightly pissed off and if the tab hadn't been left open I wouldn't have given this a second thought.

I've never said that people who'd like to be called 'Ms' annoy me, but that they're more likely than not going to be a pain in my arse at some point. I'm usually right. Both in general and about this.

Thank you giving my previously held convictions a little more weight though.

Ooh, are we are all bringing out our prejudices now?! I assume that people who describe themselves as 'proud' to be called Mrs have never actually achieved anything in life. I have yet to be proved wrong!

What's your definition of achievement margaret? I know lots of people who are proud to be called Mrs and have achieved plenty.