To be annoyed at being called "Mrs"

[Level75]

I kept my surname when I got married, so I'm Ms Level. Mrs Level is my mum. AIBU to be irritated when people call me Mrs Level. Is there any polite way to set them straight?

It would appear she's not fizz. I don't know what society all these people who think being married automatically makes you a Mrs are living in, but it's not this one.

"I asked someone at work yesterday if she was Ms or Mrs and she said no Im Lady, I think we could all be Lady and it takes away the whole married/not married thing that everyone seems to object to."

But that's what Ms is for. Do you mean you asked if she is Miss or
Mrs? Otherwise I'm seriously confused.

Of course not Hyacinth, if you change from what you were known as before marriage, you have to change it, it doesn't automatically happen! Although I'm sure that pp will come back and tell us we are wrong

Rudy, I see a few people who clearly under think or don't think at all.
Automatic Mrs being a great example.

To the poster saying about adult women titles in other countries, the Mrs brigade won't like that either because they want their title to show that.

I agree that all adult women should have one title, but it should be Ms not Mrs.

I hated this too. I'd say there's no one here by that name when asked to speak to Mrs Purple

I didn't change my name when I got married either but I get called a variety of Miss, Ms and Mrs. It doesn't bother me. All forms I fill out, I always put Ms but I have various store cards etc from before I got married and have left those with the title Miss. Sometimes places call me Mrs and occasionally they use DH's surname, but overall I get called Ms Drinking... or have a great excuse to tell cold callers the person they are asking for isn't in or doesn't exist!

I wouldn't like it it if anybody called me ms. I am Mrs. I don't mind being called miss by somebody who doesn't know that I am married but where I grew up the only people who wanted to be called ms were either divorced or lesbians. But I couldnt get my knickers In a twist over whatever title somebody used to address me, I would simply correct them.

I agree that all adult women should have one title, but it should be Ms not Mrs.

I like having the choice to call myself what I want, thanks.

I'm a mrs but would answer to Miss or Ms or occasionally at work 'Mum' (school teacher!). I'm happy as long as it's not 'oi you'.

Problem with ms is it's not a proper word so sounds crap when pronounced. Is it pronounced 'mus'

Sounds no more crap than Mrs.

What's your preferred title: Ms, Miss or Mrs and note it. It isn't hard, or you say: I prefer none, just note that I'm Jane Brown. Front of record says person prefers to be called xxxx. It isn't rocket science and I think the stumbling over it has a lot to do with the disempowerment of women rather than any uncertainty or confusion.

My grandad was a forriner in 1934 so took my grandma's nice English name.
My mother married a forriner and gave me a difficult German/Jewish moniker. I loved my dad but when I got married I didn't have any problem taking my husband's English name, traceable to the 7th or 8th Century.

I am happy to be Mrs his name in relation to him but nowadays it's only on posh invitations really.
I always say I'm Mrs Roses at the dr's, hospitals, etc and don't expect my first name to be used by anyone who expects me to use their title or who uses somebody else's title around me.
Professionally and in most ordinary social and day to day dealings with shops, plumber, etc, I'm OhThe Roses. In later years too I've mostly called the dc's teachers their first names and they use mine too.

does it really bloody matter in the whole scheme of things , get over it

It would be a lot easier if we didn't constantly have to ask what the preferred title was and everyone defaulted to one, as others have said this is how it works in many countries and it's how it works for men. My preference would be for that title to be Ms as it is neutral and without the historical baggage of ownership.

But we are British and we will object to a diktat

I can't remember when I didn't use & prefer Ms. Even after I became a Dr.
To address other women I assume Ms. until I have better info, & hope I don't offend.
ime, British people always assume Ms. = divorced.
(obv. I am not British)
I do not care which title folk use when addressing me. Once I chose Mr. on a form precisely because there was no Ms. option.
In my work, we are very formal, titles at the ready, that can be stressful.
In Real life, I wouldn't dream of making a fuss. Unless I really wanted to be passive aggressive at someone, I suppose.

I agree that all adult women should have one title, but it should be Ms not Mrs. - but why? So many European countries cope fine with just adopting the married title to just be applied to all adult woman without creating a new one.

Plus, Wikipedia (I know, not always true!) tells me until the 17th Century, Mistress was the title for all adult woman, which Mrs was the abreviated form, so we should just reclaim it for all adult woman, regardless of marital status.

Ms is a title that was only brought up as an option in the late 60s/early 70s, there's a lot of woman who've been a Mrs longer than there's been even the modern idea of Ms around. Asking them to give up their title for something so new is obviously going to be harder to push through rather than reclassifying Mrs to be for all adult woman. (Which would be easier to do by stealth)

Because of the connotations of Mrs. For that reason, I won't be using it. Not up for giving up my title either.

I'm Mrs. I don't like being called "Ms" (mainly just coz I don't like the sound of the word ), but I've never been offended, I either say "it's Mrs [Surname]" or just leave it. Actually, thinking about it, more often I would say "[Forename] is fine".

At work I'm mainly called "Miss" (teacher) & sometimes "Miss [Maiden Name]" because that's what I was called when I first started working at the school. I still don't get wound up about it.

But to be honest, I don't think I've ever attached all that much value/identity to my name in the way that some other PP have.

Isn't it weird that men so rarely hate their surnames/fathers enough to change their surname in adulthood, and yet so, so many women do?

I know 3 including my brother that took their wives names. I often think I live in a different world to a lot of mners. It's quite simple. Dh wanted us to pick a new one. I was happy to take his.

Mum's been married -many- several times. Me and dbro had to change our name each time. In my late teens it was changed back to my father's name. I had no connection with the name I had the day before I got married. I had it 3 years when I got married. So why not change it? Dad didn't care at all. He simply said that whatever I wanted was fine.

Fwiw I don't think everyone who says they didn't like their surname, is telling the truth. I think they say it because so many women are scathing about it. It's just easier. In my opinion being a dickhead to women who make a decision to change their surname is, in fact, anti feminist. I always chuckle at feminists who are saying 'women should have free choice to do what they want......but only one choice is right'.

I think it's intriguing to see which professions are still using titles, they feel a bit stuck in the past, grasping for respectability and recognition. Couldn't quite get my head around having to refer to my kid's teachers by their titles, it feels like a very artificial form of respect.

I love using titles with teachers. And that they mine in return.
The More distance the better.
They aren't my friends, there's a professional role, it keeps things professional if/when we disagree.
Same with GP & many others.