To be annoyed at being called "Mrs"

[Level75]

I kept my surname when I got married, so I'm Ms Level. Mrs Level is my mum. AIBU to be irritated when people call me Mrs Level. Is there any polite way to set them straight?

perp - honestly, if you are 'exasperated' by a thread on a forum, about an issue you pretend to think isn't important, you probably need to get out more.

When I worked in Customer Service (for a BT call centre) I found the most professionally offended/ complain to the manager types were usually a "Ms"

(Helpful)

I wonder if Mrs comes from the possessive pronoun of Mr i.e. Mr's implying the woman belongs to the Mr [whoever]. If so, I can see where the ettiquete referred to by pp above of Mrs [husband's first name] [husband's second name] comes from - Mrs [your first name][your maiden name] would not be correct because it is not saying who you belong to iyswim. Certainly a vestige of patriarchy.

Wouldn't Mrs. Level be your MIL rather than your mother?
No, the OP kept her own name.

If someone doesn't know your marital status then YANBU, Ms is the best neutral option nowadays. Unless you're in the sort of company or academia where unless you know otherwise Dr is the best bet, of course.

I am quite happy being a 'Mrs' and it doesn't really bother me all that much when people get it wrong.

Actually I find that people who are a 'Ms' get far more annoyed if people get it wrong, than those who are a 'Mrs', so if I'm writing to somebody and I don't know which to use, I will use 'Ms' now. Hopefully I will thus offend the fewest number!

Either that or "Dear Sir/Madam" which seems to cover most eventualities

trishan - Miss, Mrs and Ms all come from 'Mistress' shortened in different ways. Mistress is just the female form, not the possessive. It's only very recently (in terms of language evolution) that 'Mrs Name' has come to mean 'the wife of Mr Name'.

I wonder if Mrs comes from the possessive pronoun of Mr

It doesnt. It derives from a contraction of 'mistress', afaik Mr came from 'Master'. The two original terms have shifted their meaning somewhat.

Personally I don't want to be a Ms, and I expect to be respected for my decision to be a Mrs.

So if someone guessed at Ms you'd be as annoyed as you think the OP shouldn't be (given your snide 'I guess you can get annoyed about whatever you want to' comment)?

Just correct them. Ms is the default safe option. Personally I hate Ms and would rather be referred to as Miss or Mrs, either will do.

Of course YANBU
it's not your title, I bet they wouldn't call you Mr.

There's a new one now that people can use if they want to - Mx to be gender neutral.

I hate ms, Mrs and miss. If people use them I just say 'just call me scooby'. No offense taken. If you don't know someone it's a total punt on what to use. People get it wrong.

I know people who hate miss and Ms. Chances are people won't always pick your preferred title.

If it is on email then reply requesting that they update their database with the salutation that you would like. Many systems will have defaults for when it is unknown plus have various options, Dr, Lady, Lord, Mr, Mrs, Ms, Miss and some will have various services rank options as well.

Smash the patriarchy!

If it bothers you OP then send an email back "it's Ms, not Mrs because I'm not my husbands property yada yada yada". You'll give them a laugh and be able to pat yourself on the back for 'winning' this one. Everyone's a winner.

I don't think people can win to be honest. A lot of people - especially the area I live in which is very rural and quite traditional- are quite offended by being called Miss or Ms if they are married. It works both ways. It always used to be the way that the mans surname was taken so I think most people just assume that it has been, or that the woman is now "Mrs". As long as the person is happily corrected what's the issue? The world changes in small steps.

For what it's worth, I wanted to take dhs surname when we got married. I actually really like the whole idea of sharing a name and becoming Mr and Mrs and his surname is way nicer than mine! But I know on mumsnet you're not supposed to say that and it's like some weird Bermuda Triangle where if you admit stuff like that you get transported out of some black hole and banished!

I don't think people can win either.

I want to be Mrs. I'd object strongly, although probably silently, to being called Ms.

I think it's ridiculous. I tried to buy something recently, I think it was from HOllister actually! and from the drop down menu I could not pick 'Ms'.

I'm too old to be Miss and I'm not married. God it's exasperating. The coat hasn't shown up yet (for DD) and they sent me a survey. There's no scope to write your actual complaint, you are only allowed answer 1-5 on the questions they put to you which i don't care about

I think it would be so much better if we took the French and German model that every adult woman was "Mrs/Madame/Frau" rather than Miss until married and then having Ms as a third option. France and Germany have managed to completely separate their female title for adult woman from her marital status, it would be a great step forward in the UK if we could do the same.

(And no, the relatively new extra title of Ms isn't needed, just removing the married status from the word Mrs)

I do t understand why you wouldn't just politely correct the person's mistake if it bothers you so much
We are a military family, so pretty much all my friends are married to my dh's colleagues and all except one of them is a "Mrs Dh's name". The one who isn't a Mrs kept her name and is still a Miss, but I'm sure she doesn't get her knickers in a twist when she gets called "Mrs Dh's Name" by people who don't know her because being a Mrs is the norm round here!

Im Dr (PhD) Dontcrynow but most people I know still refer to me as Mrs Dontcrynow. I find it a little annoying because I worked bloody hard for my doctorate yet some people get funny about it, saying I should only use it at work. Why?

I'm not very fond of titles either. I don't feel as if they have a high context in the modern world. I'm an Optometrist and tend to ask for patients in a first name/surname way rather than Mrs XXX or Ms XXX as people do get annoyed about being called the wrong one.

I do particuarly dislike Ms though....it sounds like a sneeze.

It annoyed me that DH was constantly referred to as my "partner" through two pregnancies. The default is partner because not everyone pregnant woman is married and that makes sense. It still pissed me right off though and every single time I'd correct "your partner" with "my husband". If you're BU then so am I (I suspect we both are).

I don't like being called Mrs, and a,ways refer to myself as Firstname Surname, but I can't bring myself to let it take up headspace

OP, I tryly hope you're life is blessed and this really is all you have to worry about.