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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my children aren't 'baggage'

151 replies

IneedAqueenMortificadoNickname · 01/12/2016 23:38

This is what my (seemingly now ex) bf just referred to my dc as.

He can't understand why I'm so angry and why parents see that as a derogatory term.

Oh yep. He's just text me demanding I pay back all the money hes ever spent on me and the dc.

Wtf Confused

OP posts:
Wonderingwoe · 01/12/2016 23:55

Is he very young??

PurpleDaisies · 01/12/2016 23:57

Oh yep. He's just text me demanding I pay back all the money hes ever spent on me and the dc.

And he's an ex why? He sounds like such a catch...

PoundingTheStreets · 01/12/2016 23:57

No, your DC certainly aren't baggage. Your XDP on the other hand is approximately 15-stone of excess you'll be much better off without. Wink

As a parent, you are responsible for your DC's welfare, which means putting them above romantic relationships when they are young and dependent IMO. This means that any man who is let into that precious inner circle ought to consider himself incredibly privileged to be entrusted to such a role, rather than seeing himself as taking on baggage. In fact, any man who uses the term baggage is, in doing so, labelling himself an egocentric twat of the highest order.

You are far better off without and I hope you've told him to go take a running jump regarding the money. Flowers

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 02/12/2016 00:02

Well, count your lucky stars he's an ex. Keep him that way

TheWitTank · 02/12/2016 00:04

Block his number, social media etc. and move on with huge relief. He sounds a total turd.

Original poster
IneedAqueenMortificadoNickname · 02/12/2016 00:07

No he's not young, he's 31, a year younger than me.

Now he's told me my children need to learn to do as they're told. Eg not touch any of his stuff when we go and see him. Nothing at all. Apparently they should sit there and do nothing. Confused

He's a childish idiot who still lives with his mum.

And now he's threatened to get a taxi over here and smash my door down. How the fuck did I get into this?

OP posts:
TheWitTank · 02/12/2016 00:09

If he turns up, call the police. Immediately.

user1477282676 · 02/12/2016 00:10

Call the police anyway. Don't wait for him to arrive.

krustykittens · 02/12/2016 00:11

Call 101 and explain the situation, they will advise you further. Be very thankful you find out what an abusive, cold bastard he was before he persuaded you to let him move in and save all these texts! Children are people, not 'baggage' FFS.

Original poster
IneedAqueenMortificadoNickname · 02/12/2016 00:11

I don't think he will. He has bad anxiety and rarely goes anywhere. I'm an hour away so he's not likely to come tbh.

OP posts:
PoundingTheStreets · 02/12/2016 00:12

Given your last update, he's bordering on criminality. As he's not there with you and your in no real immediate danger, he's just staying on the right side of legal. However, if the texts/calls continue he's guilty of harassing you and if he actually comes over and starts kicking off then he could be guilty of a number of offences. Do not let this sorry excuse for a man bully you. Ignore if possible, and if not, involve the police to remove him from your life for you. Flowers

As for how you got into this. My guess, based on what he's been telling you now, is that he played the knight in shining armour to perfection and was probably wonderful when you first met him. The only trouble is that you were supposed to hero worship him in return and never, ever question anything he said or did...

PointlessUsername · 02/12/2016 00:12

Don't reply to any of his messages.

He is a massive dick and you're well rid.

InTheKitchenAtParties · 02/12/2016 00:13

Ask him to send you an itemised bill OP.

Then wipe your arse on it.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 02/12/2016 00:15

Ermmmm pounding it's a criminal offence to send threatening communications

LilQueenie · 02/12/2016 00:15

phone the police to report and warn them of his threat.

DancingDinosaur · 02/12/2016 00:16

Eww, ignore his texts. And call the police if you think he might turn up. But it seems to me any baggage you had is now gone. Fortunately. You and your family deserve better than that.

Original poster
IneedAqueenMortificadoNickname · 02/12/2016 00:19

Thanks you're all making me feel a lot better. I was wondering if I was going mad. My ex (as in DCs dad) was abusive so I think I'm a little wonky when it comes to knowing what a 'normal' relationship looks like.

OP posts:
Leanback · 02/12/2016 00:22

He can't deman you give him anything. In a court of law gifts are exactly that GIFTS. You can't sue osmeome for the cost of them if the relationship turns sour.

As pp have said call the police if he shows up. You sound well rid.

Original poster
IneedAqueenMortificadoNickname · 02/12/2016 00:24

Now he's grovelling Xmas Grin It would be funny if it wasn't so tragic Confused

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 02/12/2016 00:24

I'd turn your phone off. He's not worth the headspace.

Original poster
IneedAqueenMortificadoNickname · 02/12/2016 00:27

I can't turn my phone off, how would I mumsnet? Shock it's on silent though so easy enough to ignore his calls and texts

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 02/12/2016 00:28

I assumed you were on a PC/tablet. Grin

SaltyBitch · 02/12/2016 00:29

Post the texts here!

Lorelei76 · 02/12/2016 00:35

Block him. What an arsewipe

Original poster
IneedAqueenMortificadoNickname · 02/12/2016 00:38

No purple sadly I don't have one Grin

salty I'm tempted but that wouldn't be fair.

OP posts: