To think my children aren't 'baggage'

[IneedAqueenMortificadoNickname]

This is what my (seemingly now ex) bf just referred to my dc as.

He can't understand why I'm so angry and why parents see that as a derogatory term.

Oh yep. He's just text me demanding I pay back all the money hes ever spent on me and the dc.

Wtf

Please don't ever talk to him or give him headspace again

You've just been handed the golden ticket out of there - take it and ruuuuunnnnn

I suspect the OP has left and arranging to talk to her sweetheart.

yousunkmybattleship well said!

Have a look at the relationships forum, particularly the stickied post 'now listen up'. You'll find out what a normal relationship should be, or at least what is a bad one. It's not just the word he used that's the problem, it's his attitude towards your kids. Would you really wish a man like that on your kids?

Block the tosser (take screen shots of messages) and call the police if he turns up. If you feel you have been left vulnerable by two abusive partners seek councilling to help you reset your normal. Take care of yourself

YOu don't need this idiot in your life (idiot is me being polite) your dcs aren't baggage they're part of you and your life. Don't even give him a second chance. I've been in a similar position,my ex called my dd a brat,when we split up I had endless texts telling me I took you and your brat out I paid for your brat when we went out etc etc. it's disrespectful not just to you but your dcs too. I haven't much confidence in myself and he knew this,chipping away at my self esteem. Luckily for me I had that lightbulb moment we all have and ended the relationship. Even now three months down the line I'm still getting abusive texts which I don't reply to. And am with someone else who is actually one of the good guys. We've been friends for ages. Don't let this dickhead in your life again you and your dcs deserve so much more x

Children are baggage, but that isn't a bad thing not as bad as his mother for a start

Don't allow him to inveigle himself back into your affections. He sounds like a prize twat.

Baggage is quite a common expression when talking about previous relationships and often means all the practical and emotional barriers and issues which we bring from one failed relationship to the new potential one. Without any context, it is hard to say whether your DP actually meant it to be a mean remark, or indeed whether he was referring to your children. It does sound like this has escalated into quite a bitter argument and that some horrible things have been said since. Only you can judge whether this is DH revealing his true colours or whether it is out of character, perhaps an overreaction to feeling misjudged and misunderstood. But I would be very wary of accepting an apology and carrying on as before now you know how quickly he can become angry. You will not be happy treading on eggshells to avoid a recurrence.

Please don't go back to him. You would be best off single and focusing on the kids for the moment. He doesn't sound a great catch - has anxiety, still lives with parents, lives an hour away, expects the kids to travel an hour and then hang about doing nothing, calls the kids baggage, wonders why you work. Oh and he;s rude and threatening you with small kids in the house.
It doesn't sound like any fun for the kids to travel to see him. Surely there are other things they would prefer to do?

Apologies don't make things un-happen.

This wasn't a misunderstanding.

You know what he feels now. And how he behaves when things aren't going his way.

You loved him - the person you thought he was, now you know him better.

You and your kids will be fine (and safe, valued and free to flourish) without him.

Thanks everyone for your kind and honest words. I've got a lot of thinking to do over the next few days I guess.

I feel for you. Not a nice position to be in. I think that if you read the whole post as if somebody else wrote it, you'd know what to do.

Sometimes people say silly things when they're hurt or upset and you say he suffers from anxiety. But threatening to knock down your door is not acceptable or excusable.

I understand that your view of a 'normal' relationship is skewed but you do not deserve anything less than normal and this behaviour is far from normal.

Good luck to you op

I don't think you do have a lot of thinking to do, to be honest.

Even if I could forgive a ranty outburst in which he was disrespectful about my children (I couldn't. I dumped a man once who was unreasonably rude about some of my friends; I don't want to be with someone like that), I couldn't overlook the demands to repay monies spent and, at the point he threatened to smash the door in, it would be an easy decision to make.

Dump him. Make it your Christmas gift to yourself. Seriously.

Please dump this guy.
His "sweet" text is absolute manipulation. Abusers are not nasty 100% of the time, or no-one would get together with one, stay with them, or struggle to leave him.
But he has now very clearly told you who he is. It's almost certain that if he stays in your life, he will make your children's lives unhappy. That is the part to focus on.
Honestly, the way he has behaved and the things he has said are an absolute deal-breaker. You shouldn't even be considering getting back with someone who threatened to smash your door in, or said those things about your children.

Report his threats to the police.

OP, the fact you need to think about this suggests you're not ready to be in a relationship and are repeating the cycle. Your self esteem is also in the toilet because no matter how I love I was with the idea of him, his texts would've quickly snapped me out. Great thing about texts is you and read them again and again.

ignore, block and move on with your life, if he is the father of any of them contact cm and let then deal with it, the fact that he lives with his mum is neither here or there. do not get talked round at any cost. abuser are always sorry after the event....until the next time...and the time after that...
please break this vicious cycle now for you and your dc.

I can't see what there is to think about. He threatened to smash your door down, he described your dc as baggage and demanded money back that he'd spent on you.

The fact that you are doubting yourself because he sent one "sweet" text to you shows that you have a skewed view of how relationships are meant to be.

I would suggest to him that he only allowed in your house if he doesn't touch anything, that includes the sofa and carpets.

Stupid twat isn't sweet he threaten to smash your house up making him a thug.

Do you think you can mend him? That he needs you? That he could be a better person? That all he needs is love?

It's not your responsibility, or your expertise - even if it was, that would be via a professional relationship, not a personal one.

Most importantly, your DCs owe him nothing. Sacrificing their happiness so you can play 'broken man fixer' would be cruel and extremely ill-judged.

InTheKitchenAtParties

Ask him to send you an itemised bill OP.

Then wipe your arse on it.

brilliant!

OP keep at the front of your mind the awful things he's said about your lovely DCs and how unfair it would be to subject them to this abhorrent cunt. Your kids deserve someone genuinely lovely all the time and so do you, not someone who is only lovely when it suits him and when he needs to hoover you back in after hes let the facade crumble.

My children are happy. They actually love going to visit him and moan that we don't go often enough.

If I thought for one minute that they weren't happy I wouldn't hesitate to leave him.

Thank you all again for your advice. I am taking it on board I promise.

He's a complete plonker. The only sensible way forward it to break it off with him and ignore his calls and texts.
No thinking required.

In your shoes the only thinking I would be doing over the next few days would be about moving on.
He is not a catch. You can do better, in fact anyone could do better than an abusive man child who has not even left home yet.
Going cold turkey is the best way, let him know it is over then block him. For your children's sake.

No matter what he is saying to you, in his head your children are baggage.

YOUR CHILDREN ARE BAGGAGE every time he looks at them THEY ARE BAGGAGE