Neighbour made a complaint

[Kel1234]

Our landlord has told us that a few weeks ago somebody made a complaint about noise from our house. Yes we have our share of arguments and sometimes they get louder than they should, but it's not exactly all the time. But we always apologise to our neighbour as soon as we can about it (end of terrace so only have one). Landlord said he doesn't know who it was. And obviously won't go accusing anyone. But aibu to say think that if someone had a problem they could and maybe should have come to us first and explained their concerns? Had they done we would have apologised and made sure we made a bigger effort to keep the shouting down. I'm a bit upset they went behind our backs about it. (Landlord isn't too concerned, but I am quite upset one of our neighbours did this).

What's the point in an apology if it keeps happening? If it keeps happening, and you keep apologising, then the apology is meaningless. You have the power to change it, and to stop doing it, so stop. Then you won't need to apologise, and they won't need to complain. Simple.

So you continually apologise but don't modify your behaviour in any way.

Oh and any help from here is considered rude. Yeah I can see why your neighbours haven't spoken to you, you sound really approachable.

Op, if you are still reading this I think there is something you need to be aware of.
You mentioned that your landlord didn't seem too bothered about the complaint at the moment, but if your shouting matches and complaints to him/her continue, then they most certainly will take notice. This could result in you being evicted.
My husband and I own properties which we rent out, and what we, and most landlords want is to have a good relationship with the neighbours of our properties. Honestly, we wouldn't want the hassle of tenants causing problems to neighbours,so we would serve notice on you.
There are many many people out there these days wanting to rent, so landlords can afford to be fussy about who they put in their properties.

Something for you and your husband to ponder.

In almost 20yrs together we've never raised our voices or used bad language directed at each other. We disagree, and have argued in the past, but we don't shout at one another. If one of us is really cross we wait until we're calmer before discussing it.

I would also either phone the police or complain to the LL if this was a regular occurrence. Apologies are meaningless if you don't change your behaviour.

Oops, I see others have now made the comment about an apology being meaningless since the last post I read. I must be very slow as there's been almost 80 new posts since I started writing my pp. Tbf, I did stop for a cuppa part way through.

In disbelief that some pps would call the police because two adults are having an argument next door.

I was genuinely afraid the one and only time we had to call the police for neighbours rowing. They came promptly, and took him to A&E with her shoe embedded in his scalp.

Disagreeing often is totally normal. Arguing sometimes is acceptable. Rowing and/or shouting just isn't.

We have noisy neighbours who shout and swear.

They are pretty scary and I wouldn't complain to them in case they shouted at me like they shout at each other (and their kids)

We live in a cul de sac and have 5 sets if neighbours, only the one set scream at each other like banshees and generally behave like untrained animals.

I have also contacted police about intense, aggressive arguing neighbours. I had concerns over DV; I could hear his threats. Actually, it was when I heard a loud noise and the arguing stopped that I rang. The police were round pretty quickly, but I never found out what had happened. The police officer made it clear that she didn't think I'd been wasting their time, though.

We had neighbours like this - it was really unpleasant. We didn't ever call the police ourselves, but other neighbours in closer proximity did several times. Honestly, when you hear people yelling at each other like that it makes you extremely wary about approaching them.

I've had to call 999 on a few occasions. One where the couple had a 1yo son. I heard himself shouting blue murder at the woman, the woman and child crying then an almighty crash and the judder of something heavy hitting the wall between our houses. The child screaming and the mother silent. The bastard had pushed her down the stairs with the boy in her arms. Child unhurt, mother unconscious. The man was a man-mountain. He was arrested, but sadly she took him back.

In my next place, a young couple moved in above me. The lad had a cast on his wrist the day they arrived. I later found out she'd broken it. She would scream and shout at him, I heard glass breaking and heavy things being launched across their flat. The day after I rang 999 and the police turned up, they moved out. Together. Him with a new black eye. Poor lad, she was a vicious piece of work. He would never admit what was going on openly, but did admit to me what she was doing, but minimised it.

**Today 12:44 Maverickismywingman

It is not unreasonable to phone the police if you suspect alcohol or drug use or domestic violence.

For general noise disturbance most local councils have noise abatement teams.

This

There is a difference between 999 to help someone on the receiving end of DV and bothering the police over two adults arguing (no screaming, no threats of violence, no banging or crashing).

Everyone argues from time to time. I mean really
Yeah, that would be another no, here. We just don't argue like that. The noisiest we get is running around the house a bit squawking and being silly, and I sing sometimes.
But what a surprise you didn't come back, said no-one.

I actually see where your coming from op. I'd much rather neighbours aproached us first

Op indicated in her own post that they always apologise, which means they have apologised a few times now, and NOTHING changes. usually when you apologise for something, you make an effort to change whatever warranted the apology. But nothing seems to have changed.

I'd be a bit more proactive if my neighbour continuously did this too!

Where's the op gone??

I don't understand why some people are a bit at calling the poilice when you can hear neighbours screaming at each other. We have had to do it once, I thought the husband was attacking one of the kids because she was screaming at the top of her lungs whilst he was shouting and could hear bangs.

Turns out we were not the only ones who called, including the couple across the street who could also hear it!

Me and my partner argue a little, and I shout but never so bad I have thought the need to apologise to my neighbour!

Yes, who in their right minds approaches a landlord on the phone, when they could have the delight of approaching shouty neighbours. It is a mystery.

differentname I was imagining what I'd want from the point of view of the op but also went on to say that our neighbours slanging matches are epic but they don't really bother us. They've probably put up with noise from us (not regular massive arguments, more loud music and crying baby) without saying anything so we turn a blind eye back in return. I think it could open up a can of worms because I doubt every neighbour can be irritating sometimes.