Neighbour made a complaint

[Kel1234]

Our landlord has told us that a few weeks ago somebody made a complaint about noise from our house. Yes we have our share of arguments and sometimes they get louder than they should, but it's not exactly all the time. But we always apologise to our neighbour as soon as we can about it (end of terrace so only have one). Landlord said he doesn't know who it was. And obviously won't go accusing anyone. But aibu to say think that if someone had a problem they could and maybe should have come to us first and explained their concerns? Had they done we would have apologised and made sure we made a bigger effort to keep the shouting down. I'm a bit upset they went behind our backs about it. (Landlord isn't too concerned, but I am quite upset one of our neighbours did this).

Another adding to the view that no, screaming arguments really are not normal and it seems as if your neighbour probably had little choice.

Why should they write notes etc when they can go directly to the landlord? They are probably utterly fed up, as well as intimidated by the shouting. Maybe they are hoping that the landlord won't renew the tenancy if they are aware of what is going on.

In disbelief that some pps would call the police because two adults are having an argument next door.
Do people not realise how overstretched the emergency services are? What a horrendous waste of police time.
Unpopular view it seems but OP YANBU. I would put a note through my neighbour's letterbox before involving the LL.

OP, having arguments it's one thing. Being so loud that your neighbour can hear you screaming is a completely different one.

Get this into your heads: you don't scream. If you want to scream at each other, go to a park or somewhere like that (when there are no people around) or argue in your car.

Your neighbour is probably afraid of you because you sound so aggressive.

It would piss me right of if I lived next door to people who argued so loudly that I could hear them - and I probably wouldn't want to confront them as I would assume they were pretty argumentative - it's not rocket science

And I agree that it's not normal to have shouting matches so loud the neighbours can hear - DH and I don't do it and if we started to I would be seriously worried about our relationship.

I hope you don't have DC who can hear you

I'm pretty sure most people have the intelligence and judgement to know when it is appropriate to call the police if they hear people having an argument.

If you suspect domestic violence I do not see how you could dismiss it as a 'horrendous waste of police time.'

By the way, I used to live below a couple who would systematically argue on Friday nights. I got so fed up that I ended up calling the police on them, telling them that I was worried about domestic violence.

Never happened again.

Yes why call the police?
The partner could be beating the shit out of the other but why involve them?

I wouldn't leave a note either, if people are going to behave in an anti-social way, I wouldn't expect a letter to make the slightest difference to their behaviour

I'd go to the LL/council/HA/police

No. not every couple argues. My DH and I don't. We disagree about stuff but we don't argue.

We once have. Over something we really struggled to navigate. But usually we find something we disagree on, discuss it, and compromise.

If I heard people bellowing through the walls on a regular basis I'd call the police!!

Everyone argues from time to time.

No they don't. Some people argue from time to time. I've ived in a terrace with the same NDN for over a decade. Neighbours on one side have had one heated argument in all that time. Have never heard the neighbours on the other side raise their voices to each other, ever. DH and I don't agree all the time, but we don't turn it into a shouting match because it achieves nothing.

No, it's not normal at all.

In 16 years together, DP and I have never once shouted at each other. We've argued, yes, but never loud enough for the neighbours to hear.

If you've had to apologise to the neighbours on more than one occasion, you really need to have a look at your behaviour, and not get stroppy because someone doesn't want to live with regular screaming and shouting coming from next-door.

I'm just say what I'd do and what I'd prefer. My neighbours screaming matches have never really bothered us. She is worse than him.

And I agree it's not normal. I'd hate to have the constant level of confrontation that they do.

Thread deleted because OP is getting the wrong answer

OutragedKoala

Privacy is important to MNHQ

My and dh have never had screaming matches. We argue but never scream at each other, and it must be pretty loud for the neighbours to hear.

The fact you have to regularly apologise to them for the fights, means that you somehow think it's ok to do as you wish and disturb them as long as you give a half arsed apology the next day.

I don't blame them for complaining and if you carry on, I suspect they'll carry on complaining, I would.

Oh come on! I can't believe you are trying to blame your neighbours!! Yes it's normal to argue, no it's not normal to argue so loudly that you need to apologise to your neighbours. It is definitely not normal to have to apologise for it happening more than once!!

Complaining to the landlord is standard Mn advice for difficult neighbours (which quite frankly you sound as though you are one).

As for calling the police, I think most people use an element of common sense. I think I was perfectly reasonable calling the police when I could hear my neighbour TWO DOORS DOWN screaming that he was ' going to kill you, you fucking bitch '

We have no idea what op is arguing about or what was said. Calling the police could be perfectly reasonable so she's potentially lucky that only the landlord has been contacted.

You know it's louder than it should be, so yes YABU to carry on. Exercise some self control.

It might not be normal to have regular shouting matches, but the OP didn't say this, unless I missed that bit, which has been known.

I often wonder what people would do if the neighbours actually owned their home rather than rented.
Who would they complain to then? It seems wrong you can't have the odd argument, just because you rent.
I'm a ll and would ignore such reports unless one of the tenants was in risk of dv.

Agree with a PP that apologies are meaningless if you have to keep dishing them out.

Don't be sorry, be better.

You and dp need to cool it fish wife.

Have some manners and like a pp said use your indoor voice.

First thing we heard, probably the day after our ASB neighbours moved in was violent arguing. It's actually pretty frightening to listen to. No-one would want to complain direct, to the face, of someone like that.

You might find it harmless, but it can sound very scary, to someone else.

We didn't approach our neighbours and put up with weeks of it before we did finally complain. Later the police told us they had a police record and we should never, under any circumstances, approach them. So we did the right thing.

It might not be normal to have regular shouting matches, but the OP didn't say this, unless I missed that bit

OP's thread is about the neighbors complaining about the arguments she has with her DP. The neighbors could hear enough to complain, ergo, OP and her DP are probably not conversing in hushed whispers (!) We extrapolated. Not unreasonably.

I'm a ll and would ignore such reports unless one of the tenants was in risk of dv

How will you know it's DV if you ignore it?
If it was a neighbour who owned their house, I'd go to the police and the council under anti social behaviour laws. And potentially domestic abuse laws, as not all DA is violent (coercion, psychological, financial etc).

It is categorically not a waste of police time to report massive rows where you are concerned for the safety of the people involved. Especially if there are children in the relationship.