Neighbour made a complaint

[Kel1234]

Our landlord has told us that a few weeks ago somebody made a complaint about noise from our house. Yes we have our share of arguments and sometimes they get louder than they should, but it's not exactly all the time. But we always apologise to our neighbour as soon as we can about it (end of terrace so only have one). Landlord said he doesn't know who it was. And obviously won't go accusing anyone. But aibu to say think that if someone had a problem they could and maybe should have come to us first and explained their concerns? Had they done we would have apologised and made sure we made a bigger effort to keep the shouting down. I'm a bit upset they went behind our backs about it. (Landlord isn't too concerned, but I am quite upset one of our neighbours did this).

My DH and I have never had a shouting match in our house or anywhere else. It's not a healthy way of dealing with disagreements. And although I totally understand that having the odd loud row does fall within the boundaries of 'normal' as well, doing it regularly doesn't.

Did you maybe grow up in a house with lots of shouting and fighting? If so I could see why you might think it's normal or acceptable.

It's not though.

I would squirm with embarrasment if I had to apologise to my next door neighbour for DP and I having a shouting match at eachother.

I'd seriously feel pretty ashamed!

It's that old chestnut.

Op: aibu?
Everyone: yes.
Op: no I'm not.

You think the rude unhelpful people are on this thread but they're not.
You don't want marriage counselling but it sounds like you need it.
Dh and i argue sometimes, not we don't shout loud enough that neighbour's have to make a complaint.
The fact you think it's people on here that are wrong says it all really.
The next step will either be environmental health or your landlord kucking you out.
( or ofcourse the police and ss knocking on your door).
You need to see that it's not them that are in the wrong here.
Ofcourse the neighbours don't want to knock on your door to talk about it!

Why don't you make a bigger effort to keep the shouting down anyway? Do you have kids?

Ah my neighbours are like this, I honestly believe the husband is verbally abusive. It's only him shouting, not his wife. And lots of banging. I fully intend to report it somewhere when we move out - I won't do it now because I'm scared he would be aggressive and violent to me. I'm sorry but I think yabu, very much so. Arguments should never be shouting so loud that your neighbours could hear it. You are adults, I presume.

We've never argued so loud that we've had to apologise to neighbours - I'd be mortified at the thought. You don't seem to bothered though op

Your marriage is your business except you are sharing it with your neighbours and they have every right to be pissed off. You know there's an issue which is why youv apologised so you shouldn't be surprised there's a complaint.

If you don't want complaints, move house so no one can hear you or stop screaming at each other.

If on the other hand your in an abusive marriage/relationship then that's obviously different and if you start a different thread I'm sure there will be lots of support for you if that the case then this thread will muddle the response.

We have never argued at a volume that our neighbours could hear it. For that to happen so regularly that you've had to apologise, and they've had to complain, is awful. I don't blame them for escalating it if it's carrying on.

Had they done we would have apologised and made sure we made a bigger effort to keep the shouting down. Why don't you just make the effort to keep the noise down anyway!? Why the hell do you think you are entitled to make those around you listen to you and your partner/flat mate/whatever arguing regularly!?

I have never had to apologise to any neighbour about arguing/shouting! I'd be mortified if I argued so loudly the neighbours could hear me.

OP, if I heard my neighbours arguing through the wall, especially after they'd apologised about their arguing before, there's no way I'd go round and put myself in the middle of it. I'd complain to the landlord if the house was rented.

I don't think op will be back!

Everyone argues from time to time. I mean really

No not really, an odd bicker occasionally but in over 7 years I've never had a screaming argument with my husband to the point I feel I have to apologise to my neighbours.

Those types of arguments on a regular basis (and I don't believe the occasionally you're coming out with neither) is not normal or healthy.

Just please come back and tell us you don't have kids, because if you do then you have a problem.

I have heard my neighbours argue once, both sides having lived here for almost seven years. I have to say I think we must of been possibly heard arguing maybe once in the same time we have been here as there's only once we ever raised our voices (kids weren't in).

It's not normal to argue so loudly you have been heard numerous times. They are quite right to complain tbh.

And actually I didn't feel the need to apologise as it was raised voices rather than shouting or screaming and lasted a few minutes not prolonged.

Our neighbours used to argue a lot -and have the TV very loud. We did go and ask them if they could keep the noise down. They were very unapproachable but they did. Then it crept up and the arguments continued. We dreaded their parties, football nights, BBQs etc as they didn't give a shit and carried on. Going around there was scary.

We complained to the council. That worked.

Also apologies mean bugger all if you have to keep making them.

As has been said if you are in an abusive relationship then posting a thread may help. But if you've both just got into a nasty habit of shouting at each other then you both need to find another way of communicating with each other, especially if you have bairns. It's damaging to them.

My ds1 has a friend he's grown up with and known for almost all of his life. That kid's parents fight like you and behave like it's normal. My son finds it so upsetting that he won't go to their house any more. The worst was when Mr Friend was round here talking to Mr Elbows outside and Mrs Friend came round to have a screaming match outside my house. In front of our children! It was mortifying.

I actually see where your coming from op. I'd much rather neighbours aproached us first and if necessary threatened is with the LL rather than just going over our heads. The threat would be enough to make me change. That said we hear the most blazing arguments from next door every week. The woman just literally ends up screaming at him and then just screaming. I'd never call anyone about it unless I thought someone was in danger. Not really my business and they e never complained about dds nights salon a since she was a baby.

I actually see where your coming from op. I'd much rather neighbours aproached us first

And the neighbours would much prefer to not have to listen to OP roaring ad fighting, but you don't always get what you want do you?

If it was a dog barking or something I'd agree with you. But I used to hear my neighbour yelling at his wife and her crying, and there is no way I would have knocked on his door to have him potentially punch me in the face.

'I'd much rather the neighbours approached us first'

You don't get a say in what method the neighbours chose to make a complaint when your antisocial behaviour is what is making them miserable.

If they slipped a note under the door saying pack it in or we'll call the landlord o think most people would pack it in. Why involve a third party?

It's actually very upsetting listening to your neighbours have a shouting match.

I once lived in a house converted into flats (so, sound proofing was non-existent) and there was a couple above us who had numerous screaming rows. It was so disturbing to listen to and not know what to do for the best.

So I don't blame your neighbours for complaining and not confronting you about it.