Neighbour made a complaint

[Kel1234]

Our landlord has told us that a few weeks ago somebody made a complaint about noise from our house. Yes we have our share of arguments and sometimes they get louder than they should, but it's not exactly all the time. But we always apologise to our neighbour as soon as we can about it (end of terrace so only have one). Landlord said he doesn't know who it was. And obviously won't go accusing anyone. But aibu to say think that if someone had a problem they could and maybe should have come to us first and explained their concerns? Had they done we would have apologised and made sure we made a bigger effort to keep the shouting down. I'm a bit upset they went behind our backs about it. (Landlord isn't too concerned, but I am quite upset one of our neighbours did this).

Completely agree with the above posters. It is not ok to argue so loudly that you disturb your neighbours regularly. The fact that you feel you need to apologise shows that you know that. No wonder they felt they needed to complain, as you apologise, but nothing has changed. What good would talking to you do? You have shown you know it isn't ok, but you do it anyway! Good for your neighbours for making a complaint!

Well, apologising didn't stop it did it. So they have escalated it, as I probably would too. If they certainly round and complained, what would you have said? Sounds very much like you would minimise it much like you have here, and they would have walked away with no resolution. At least this way you now know that your lack of control genuinely bothers them, and can try to resolve it.

Had they done we would have apologised and made sure we made a bigger effort to keep the shouting down.

So, you've absolutely no intention of trying to stop shouting at each other, despite the fact that you've already had to apologise to the neighbours more than once.

I'd have complained about you too OP. It's not normal, and it's not approachable.

I'm a landlord. One house I rent out is our former home, so we know a few neighbours from living there. They are more likely to approach us to talk to our tenant than go to them directly. They're more comfortable approaching someone they know.

As others have already said, they may be reluctant to approach a couple who row loudly enough to cause a disturbance. You should make an effort to calm down and communicate like adults before environmental health noise pollution teams or the police are contacted.

You should be considerate anyway
Jesus , I've been married a life time and never screamed at each other loud enough for neighbours to complain
Grow up

Do you have children? It's seriously not normal to argue to the extent that you scream at each other and the neighbours can hear it. Once, maybe. Certainly not on a regular basis and if you do have DC, then the impact on them will be significant. All married couples may have disagreements, but not the sort of incidents that you describe.

Also, if I heard screaming fights from my next door neighbours, the LAST thing I would want to do is to confront them or complain about it. The screaming fights would suggest to me that they are perhaps not the most stable of people and if they scream at each other, what's to stop them screaming at me?

Maybe you and your DH could sort out your differences in a calm, adult fashion in the future.

Never had a blazing row with DH in the 17 years we've been together. We've disagreed and discussed but never had an argument with raised voices. I can't think of any neighbours we've lived next door to who have argued that loudly (TV noise, parrots, children crying but no rows)

It's not normal communication in a healthy relationship

Er. People arguing usually doesn't involve shouting so loudly the neighbour feels disturbed and threatened. Perhaps they don't want their children subjected to verbal violence? I wouldn't knock on the door of a couple screaming at each other. What a ridiculous statement!

You both need to control your tempers better.

I just hope you don't have children in the house at the time.

Also, if I heard screaming fights from my next door neighbours, the LAST thing I would want to do is to confront them or complain about it

yy to this. People that can't control their temper to such an extent that their neighbours can hear them shouting are not the kind of people I would want to confront. DH & I bicker but never ever raised our voices at one another.

I can honestly say me and dp have never argued loudly enough for the neighbours to hear. We rarely argue at all. My parents didn't scream at each other either. It really isn't normal.

I always feel a bit guilty about our next door neighbours as I know the walls are thin, and our two boys galumph around and shout at times. But I have to say I would be mortified if DH and I argued loud enough to be heard next door. We've been together 20 years and have never shouted at each other.

Everyone argues from time to time. I mean really

No, they really don't.

"everyone argues from time to time"

Not in the way you do. I might disagree with DH but we talk things through.

Can you find a different strategy to soft out your differences?>

I think I can guess why your neighbours might not have wanted to approach you!

Yes, it's normal to argue from time to time. No, it's not normal to have to apologise to your neighbours because of how loud it was, or for your neighbours to have to complain to a third party because of it.

Most people don't complain to the landlord for no good reason. So if there are repeated incidents and no change then it's likely to be environmental health next.

www.stokesentinel.co.uk/asbo-neighbour-breaches-order-rows-husband/story-19790459-detail/story.html is a story about an asbo against a couple who argued loudly. Just sayin'

but it's not exactly all the time

Not exactly a rare occurrence either by the sounds of it. YABU. Stop disturbing your neighbours with screaming arguments.

It's not normal to argue so much and so loudly that you have to apologise to the neighbours. I don't blame them for reporting it, I would have alss considered calling the police if the arguing seemed violent. I really hope you don't have children living in this environment.

From your first reply OP you actually sound very unapproachable and as though you could be intimidating. PPs are trying to show you that the neighbour wasn't being unreasonable in going to your landlord and you get defensive straight away. You sound like just the sort of neighbour I would hate to have.
Learn how to sort out your disagreements like adults. I do hope children aren't around to witness these screaming matches either

Wow some unhelpful rude people here

Translation: "what a bunch of bastards not agreeing with me"

Are you for real? You scream and shout loudly and often, and you think your neighbours should have come and asked you nicely to keep it down?

Firstly, you don't deserve anyone asking you nicely, and secondly your neighbours are probably too afraid to come near your house.

Yes, people argue. But they don't shout at each other in a house, and certainly not loudly enough for neighbours to overhear - shouting at people is scary and aggressive.

If you can't control your shouting how are your neighbours to know if you can't control violence either?

some unhelpful rude people here

ahum, no, only people with common sense who disagree with you. By making yourself a nuisance for other people, you are the rude one. It's scary that you don't even realise it. I sincerely hope you do not have children. If you do, for their sake, you have to work on your behaviour, you can't be screaming in front of them, it's awful.

The only time our arguments actually more him just shouting at me were loud enough for the neighbours to hear (also terrace) was when we were mid-divorce. One neighbour was about to call the police.

Shouting regularly so loud to disturb your neighbours is not the sign of a good relationship.