To not make nephews Christmas outfit

[Cindbelly]

Bit of backstory as I don't want to drip feed.

DH and I have been NC with MIL and SIL 1 for roughly 2 years. MIL due to her refusal to accept that DH primary family are me and the DC and that coupled with her controlling behaviour. It had been going on for years slowly grounding him down and then one day She said some nasty things to him about not being able to love DD the same as DS as she looks like me and he walked away (long story short it wasn't that simple) she's never apologised and at the time couldn't understand why DH was hurt as her feelings are valid and she has every right to express them.
SIL 1 and I had a falling out 4 years ago when I cancelled babysitting for her as I was in the process of miscarrying. Apparently I was selfish as her DS would have been in bed and her sofa is more comfortable then mine anyway

I've also got SIL 2 who I used to be close to but we don't see that regularly now due to the strained relations between DH and family.

SIL 2 came over upset yesterday as her DD has just started nursery and needed a costume for the nativity which she couldn't find. I've told her it's not a big deal and a top with the character would be fine etc but she is young and financially struggling and was upset so I offered to make one.
Not a problem I'm fairly crafty and as it turned out had all the materials. I dropped it to her last night took about 6 or so hours in between dinner etc.

SIL 1 has just text me out of the blue to say that she has seen the costume it is not fair I am playing favourites between my nieces and nephews, her DS needs to be an elf for his school play, costume due in on Monday so she will be over Saturday afternoon to pick it up incase there are any adjustments that need to be made.

WIBU to text her back to fuck off?
Nephew doesn't even know I exist as they took down all the photos etc of us from MIL house.
Or am I letting my view of her cloud my judgement and should I make it seeing as show I've made one for my niece?
I will think IANBU to refuse but I'm doubting myself now

Actually what KayTee87 said

I mean just at SIL1 and her entitlement

I agree that 'busy this week' implies that you would do it if you weren't.

I also have to echo what ItsALL says above.

You made a costume for one twin right? But not the other?

I would send back. Yes I made a costume for X but not for Z and I won't make one for Y either because X is my favourite.

Presumably she is going to reply to you? If she does, I would just remind her that as you are not in contact you do not appreciate receiving text messages demanding favours and not to do it ever again.

Oops. Was writing my post and missed the update. Well done OP, don't let it take up any further space in your head and tell DH to just let it go now. Enjoy your day out Saturday!

Omg please stick An elf on your door!!! I love your dh, that's great

I still say to ignore. Just like your DH says...and let her come around looking for it on Saturday - it's her problem not yours.

And do remember to block her once you've replied. She'll likely, having brought her child into play, have another go.

I totally see your point OP. I would probably be in the Fuck Off camp normally. BUT do you want to build bridges? Do you want to see your DN? It's not his fault after all? trying to be diplomatic for a change

I would still send your text btw but maybe at the end (if you did want to build bridges) say it might be nice to see your DN at some point over Xmas though?

I saw Theansweris reply just before I pressed send so I've sent that.

For those asking how come she has got my number etc, it's hard to be NC with a family who thrive on drama.
It's often given out on here for the answer to problems, but the reality for us has been that its created a whole new set. The best bit is that we no longer engage with it.

SIL and MIL both like to bitch about us to anyone who will listen and are both those horrid 'queen bee' types.

I have 3BILs who I haven't mentioned here as it wasn't relevant to this situation, but they all have mine and DHs number (low contact due to MIL but we never fell out with them) FIL and his wife both have my number and I also have a number of friends in common with SIL so if she wants to get my number they will all bow down to her. Fuck knows why - but its pretty clear from that text that people don't say no to her.

Your reply was perfect. Can't believe how utterly entitled she is! Some people, I swear, have never even heard the word "no" in their lives!

NC does hurt - but not for as long as people might think. )If you move on and have other things to occupy your life that is.)

For those asking how come she has got my number etc, it's hard to be NC with a family who thrive on drama.

I don't understand. Are you NC or not?

I love your DH idea of the elf on the door. You really should of let him reply and then sat back and watched the fireworks.

Sapphire - I assume the OP means she's NC with MIL and BitchSIL's family unit, but not niceSIL or other BILs family units, so they will pass on the details.

Tis hard when only some of a large family are fucking nuts.

Tell her to fuck off and remind her she wasn't that fussed over her own niece or nephew you miscarried favouring her own needs before yours. Sorry that happened to you

horrendous behaviour

you're absolutely right not to make it. good luck for the fall out.

Love the simple suggestion text...who is this? No no no!!

Tbh, I'm not really sure why you made a costume for SIL2.

I might have given her the stuff to make it herself, but that's it.

As for SIL1, well, just

Please also let your husband put the elf on the door in case she comes round

RE being No contact -
Its been 2 years MIL made those comments about my DD and we last spoke to her. Once every 4/5 months she pops up and messages DH through Whats app, facebook, text and once by email - all the same type of message 'when are you leaving Cinder, why do you hate me so much, blah blah blah. He replied to the first one (as he thought it would mend a bridge- but she took his reply to be an insult as he didn't apologise straight away for not seeing point of view and respecting her feeling towards DD and then all went quiet till the next time she randomly messaged him again.) He never replies now.

Neither of us have spoken to SIL since the miscarriage.

We haven't moved, I grew up in this town and love it here. I wont be bullied out of my home. We have both changed our numbers and email. MIL and SIL live about half hour drive away but the nearest main town is the same, and as I said SIL is fairly close to me in age and we do have some mutual friends.

BILs and FIL have remained impartial, SIL 2 is torn hence we are not so close anymore.

We have both agreed that after a while MIL and SIL will likely understand get the hint that we wish to be NC and will back off. 90% of the time its fine. Then things like this happen.

I can't believe her cheek and what your MIL said is not normal I'm glad you've said No make sure you stick to that and ignore any messages or phone calls from SIL1 and MIL.

"so I will need you to make one"

I just can't get over that from the text.

My politest response would have been

"Hahahahahaha-no"

" SIL 2 is torn hence we are not so close anymore. "

What does this mean?

Is she expected to choose between her brother & sister?

I would definitely tell her to go and do one!