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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not make nephews Christmas outfit

221 replies

Cindbelly · 01/12/2016 10:52

Bit of backstory as I don't want to drip feed.

DH and I have been NC with MIL and SIL 1 for roughly 2 years. MIL due to her refusal to accept that DH primary family are me and the DC and that coupled with her controlling behaviour. It had been going on for years slowly grounding him down and then one day She said some nasty things to him about not being able to love DD the same as DS as she looks like me and he walked away (long story short it wasn't that simple) she's never apologised and at the time couldn't understand why DH was hurt as her feelings are valid and she has every right to express them.
SIL 1 and I had a falling out 4 years ago when I cancelled babysitting for her as I was in the process of miscarrying. Apparently I was selfish as her DS would have been in bed and her sofa is more comfortable then mine anyway Confused

I've also got SIL 2 who I used to be close to but we don't see that regularly now due to the strained relations between DH and family.

SIL 2 came over upset yesterday as her DD has just started nursery and needed a costume for the nativity which she couldn't find. I've told her it's not a big deal and a top with the character would be fine etc but she is young and financially struggling and was upset so I offered to make one.
Not a problem I'm fairly crafty and as it turned out had all the materials. I dropped it to her last night took about 6 or so hours in between dinner etc.

SIL 1 has just text me out of the blue to say that she has seen the costume it is not fair I am playing favourites between my nieces and nephews, her DS needs to be an elf for his school play, costume due in on Monday so she will be over Saturday afternoon to pick it up incase there are any adjustments that need to be made.

WIBU to text her back to fuck off?
Nephew doesn't even know I exist as they took down all the photos etc of us from MIL house.
Or am I letting my view of her cloud my judgement and should I make it seeing as show I've made one for my niece?
I will think IANBU to refuse but I'm doubting myself now

OP posts:
MerryMarigold · 01/12/2016 13:21

OK, so sometimes entitled is bandied around a bit on here. But genuinely Shock! And some more Xmas Shock

SaltyBitch · 01/12/2016 13:22

What a bitch!

cozietoesie · 01/12/2016 13:22

Sorry, Arf, I disagree - slightly.

I think that that should be 'No matter what you do - including making the costume - she will make you into the bad guy.'

Grin
MerryMarigold · 01/12/2016 13:22

"I think you confused me with someone who likes you."

Maybe you should set the cat among the pigeons. You're NC anyway! Give them a bit of fun for the day!

Arfarfanarf · 01/12/2016 13:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RentANDBills · 01/12/2016 13:26

What a cunt.

And I do not use that word lightly!

Collaborate · 01/12/2016 13:26

My suggestion is you reply with this:

Dear SIL. There were some errors in your text to me. Let me correct:
Cinder - The costume you made for is fantastic. has his school play soon and is being an elf. It is very unfair that has such a great costume and doesn't and that you are favouring ' I can't be arsed making him one so I will need you to make one you absolute doormat. As you haven't seen him I've stopped you from seeing him since you were in the middle of a miscarriage and had to cancel babysitting last refused to look after him when we last spoke, he's wearing age 6 clothes - That should help you with the measurements if you're fucking stupid enough to do as I command. If in doubt make it bigger and I will pick it up on Saturday and that will give me time to adjust it if needed. The school need it by Monday latest. On the other hand, you might think I'm an entitled arsehole, in which case I'll understand if you tell me to fuck off.*

SortAllTheThings · 01/12/2016 13:26

Woah... this is next level entitlement. Another vote for telling her to fuck right off.

lalaloopyhead · 01/12/2016 13:27

'you mean that time I couldn't look after dn because I was having a miscarriage? You are joking right?'

I wouldn't care how she twists that if it were me!

RentANDBills · 01/12/2016 13:28

"SiL - hahahahahahahaha.
Hahahahahahaha.
I didn't know you could tell jokes!
Cinder x"

ChimpyChops · 01/12/2016 13:30

Wow. I am astounded by her text. I would forward it to your husband so he knows what is going on and doesn't receive angry MIL texts while being in the dark.
Then I would unleash merry hell, as much as I would like to say I would send a 'no' or a 'sorry, busy' I wouldn't. I would send back what a previous poster says 'the nephew I haven't been allowed to see... etc' What a bitch.

I would also remind MIL when she contacts with her shit just who is favouring who. Why on earth does she favour your son over your daughter?

HateSummer · 01/12/2016 13:31

Please reply and mention your miscarriage. Tell her she obviously didn't give a shit that one of her nieces/nephews to be had died. The fucking bitch.

Original poster
Cindbelly · 01/12/2016 13:31

I love the idea of throwing a 'home truth' grenade in, but it will make no difference.
Her defence over the original row was that I didn't even know I was pregnant at the time so I shouldn't have been upset and should have just got on with it. - It was a karaoke night at her local pub. Not that it should matter but it wasn't even a 'special' night out.

OP posts:
ElizabethHoney · 01/12/2016 13:31

I mean, you could be more sensible and try to mend bridges and go down the "It's so nice of you to get back in touch, we'd love to start building a relationship with you again - I guess this means you're ready to apologise. How about you come round with the DC for tea and we talk about this costume? I can take measurements then to make sure it's absolutely perfect! Then we can meet every week for brunch and everyone will love each other and all the nasty things will be forgotten."

Please send this. It's very nice, and will probably irritate horrible SiL

Bestthingever · 01/12/2016 13:33

I can't believe anyone could be so far up their own arse. Just don't respond.

Joinourclub · 01/12/2016 13:33

Yikes she sounds like a nightmare. TBH I'd probably reply with something like ' Thanks for the compliment, but I really don't have the time. Maybe next year?'

But I'd really want to be saying "I assume this is a joke? You are not the boss of me! No way! fuck off! I REFUSE to make this costume!"

I'd look at this as a good thing over all, it's nice to have confirmation every now and again that the people we think are arseholes, really ARE.

lemonpuff · 01/12/2016 13:34

Speechless..... Just say sorry, no can do

Oakmaiden · 01/12/2016 13:34

Ahem. how about:

"I'm not playing favourites between my nieces and nephews. It is just you I can't stand."

cozietoesie · 01/12/2016 13:34

As Arf said, it doesn't matter.

I'd just reply 'No'. It's a bad relationship anyway so whatever you say is not going to recover anything or make you feel better about things. You just need to be clear in your response.

myoriginal3 · 01/12/2016 13:34

I'd reply that in order to make the costume suitable you would need to actually know the child to be inspired by his own character to see what sort of elf he might be.

Or make it in good Grace.

Or say Fuck off.

SurlyValentine · 01/12/2016 13:34

She is a weapons grade twat! Shock

I would be extremely tempted to go with "fuck off" or one of its variations, but that is going to add fuel to the fire. "That is not going to happen. Do not come to my house" would be my next choice.

Do love arf and soubriquet's replies though.

MerryMarigold · 01/12/2016 13:35

Elizabeth, I think SIL may actually take that very nice text literally.

ShowMeTheElf · 01/12/2016 13:36

I'm usually all for calming the waters and being friendly without being a doormat, but there is no way I could not address that!
Cinder - The costume you made for is fantastic. has his school play soon and is being an elf. It is very unfair that has such a great costume and * doesn't and that you are favouring ' so I will need you to make one. As you haven't seen him since you last refused to look after him when we last spoke, he's wearing age 6 clothes - That should help you with the measurements. If in doubt make it bigger and I will pick it up on Saturday and that will give me time to adjust it if needed. The school need it by Monday latest.
'Glad you like ***'s costume. I was happy to make it for SIL2 as I had the materials to hand, she was unable find something suitable and I know her children well. As you say yourself, I haven't seen XXXX since I was unable to babysit while suffering a miscarriage and your revolting behaviour at the time. You still owe me an apology and I definitely don't owe you a favour. To be absolutely clear: I will not be making an elf costume for you.'

Tenshidarkangel · 01/12/2016 13:36

In in F off camp too.

I'd also take the compliment that she liked the costume you made!

incogKNEEto · 01/12/2016 13:36

I would send a brief text saying no. She knows what she's done, you know what she's done and whatever you send will be twisted, so keep it short and to the point. The only reason I would reply at all is so she knows that she will have to sort something out before Monday.