To not make nephews Christmas outfit

[Cindbelly]

Bit of backstory as I don't want to drip feed.

DH and I have been NC with MIL and SIL 1 for roughly 2 years. MIL due to her refusal to accept that DH primary family are me and the DC and that coupled with her controlling behaviour. It had been going on for years slowly grounding him down and then one day She said some nasty things to him about not being able to love DD the same as DS as she looks like me and he walked away (long story short it wasn't that simple) she's never apologised and at the time couldn't understand why DH was hurt as her feelings are valid and she has every right to express them.
SIL 1 and I had a falling out 4 years ago when I cancelled babysitting for her as I was in the process of miscarrying. Apparently I was selfish as her DS would have been in bed and her sofa is more comfortable then mine anyway

I've also got SIL 2 who I used to be close to but we don't see that regularly now due to the strained relations between DH and family.

SIL 2 came over upset yesterday as her DD has just started nursery and needed a costume for the nativity which she couldn't find. I've told her it's not a big deal and a top with the character would be fine etc but she is young and financially struggling and was upset so I offered to make one.
Not a problem I'm fairly crafty and as it turned out had all the materials. I dropped it to her last night took about 6 or so hours in between dinner etc.

SIL 1 has just text me out of the blue to say that she has seen the costume it is not fair I am playing favourites between my nieces and nephews, her DS needs to be an elf for his school play, costume due in on Monday so she will be over Saturday afternoon to pick it up incase there are any adjustments that need to be made.

WIBU to text her back to fuck off?
Nephew doesn't even know I exist as they took down all the photos etc of us from MIL house.
Or am I letting my view of her cloud my judgement and should I make it seeing as show I've made one for my niece?
I will think IANBU to refuse but I'm doubting myself now

My goodness how cheeky! A big No what planet are you on would suffice. You are not NC with SIL2 but with SIL, cheeky cow.

I love the idea of throwing a 'home truth' grenade in, but it will make no difference.

Again, turn this round: if throwing a 'home truth' grenade in will make no difference, why not do it?

Although a more serious question is, if you're NC with this individual, why does she even have your phone number? Let alone why is she contacting you and why are you contemplating a half-serious response?

Say no, OP, and tell/show your DH the text so he knows and can ignore his mother too.

Oh, ShowMe has it perfectly. Please send hers:

'Glad you like *'s costume. I was happy to make it for SIL2 as I had the materials to hand, she was unable find something suitable and I know her children well. As you say yourself, I haven't seen XXXX since I was unable to babysit while suffering a miscarriage and your revolting behaviour at the time. You still owe me an apology and I definitely don't owe you a favour. To be absolutely clear: I will not be making an elf costume for you.'

Well, at the very least OP, if you send a rude one, you can entertain us all with the exchange! Win for you and win for us!

Ok, so I am going to reply with.

'Busy this week so no time to make another costume. Asda have some nice elf ones try there'

I've pre-warned DH he wanted to reply and I've told him not to as it was me she text not him. Fuck off was polite compared to his wording. He now thinks I should just ignore and we are going out Saturday so even is she shows up we wont be here (he thinks we should print out an elf picture with the words fuck off on the front door for the day - very mature )

I just want a quiet life and for them all to piss off. Engaging and starting rows will just encourage her.

Yes I like that message too ^^

Wow, no please, or thank you, or anything! Just a demand that you do what she wants. No no no.

You have to NOT reply, if she will just presume, then you get to be innocent "but i didn't say I would, how silly of you to presume" then walk away giving no right of reply.

in my dreams, but my actual response would be
hahahahahaha, FUCK OFF

Your dh is brilliant!

But yes, it's a nice text without engaging at all. Very distant but still helpful.

I'd be brief too, but I'd mention the fact that you've never met her son.

Thought this was appropriate.

Very restrained, OP! Shame

Very polite.

I like your DH's idea of a print out, defo go with that

Elf costume print off - yes!

'Busy this week so no time to make another costume. Asda have some nice elf ones try there'
The problem with your reply is that it makes it seem as though you would have done it if you had time. I really think that you should make it clear that there is no way that you would do it. If you really want to make an excuse how about something like:

'xxx's costume was a one off. I am not taking orders for making costumes as I am much too busy. Asda have some nice elf ones try there'

In think the best reply might be,
Are you on Glue?

It's a classic. But works well in this instance.

Oops x posted!! But I like your DH's idea of the elf picture on the door

Block her number after you text. She sounds foul.

Very kind of you to help your other sil out though, especially when your not very close. It's a shame the other sil can't understand kindness.

I think your message is perfect op. She sounds like she is deliberately being goady and trying to start an argument to me. Your short, polite text won't give her any satisfaction.

No no NO please don't reply like that, it makes it sound like you would've if you could've! Point blank " sorry but I don't cave into bullying" feel free to pepper a text with expletives!

She sounds horrible!! Just reply and say 'no, I won't be making the costume. I hope you find something suitable in the shops'

I can't believe how insensitive she was while you were suffering a miscarriage. I would be very upset if my DSIL had a miscarriage and would be bending over backwards to try and ease her (& my DBs) loss.

Once you have sent the message, block and ignore.

Think your reply for being busy sounds good OP. Really hope you are ok.

OP, I'm not sure what is you want from this thread. You have five pages of responses saying your SIL is BU, to tell her no, block her and move right along. You know, unless you say, 'yes' any response to the effect you won't make the costume will be unacceptable and so what? It won't materially change your current circumstances will it? Will saying 'no' make things any worse? No. You've been NC, you clearly intended before this came up to remain NC anyway so why are you agonising about the wording of your 'No' message? No fuck offs are necessary, plenty of short, straightforward, non-inflammatory responses here you can use.