To wish some parents would show a bit more consideration to others

[Njcr]

On a train with a splitting headache after work. There's a family nearby and the child is watching a cartoon on an ipad. Not an issue as such but the ipad is at full volume and no headphones are being used. I know that it must be nice for the kid to be occupied for are while but it's a full train of other people. Surely it would be considerate to use headphones/keep the volume low?

I never understand the amount of debate on these kinds of threads. It's simple, surely:

a) If the child (or adult!) has no reasonable need/adjustment for an IPad then YANBU.

b) If the child or adult has a reasonable need/adjustment for the IPad but could be wearing headphones then YANBU

c) If the child or adult has a reasonable need/adjustment for the IPad and cannot tolerate headphones then YABU

d) In the unlikely instance that situation c coincides with someone whose own needs conflict with the noise then a conversation ensues.

On the disability front, think about it like this:

• The annoyance, pain or panic that you experience from the sound of the IPad is a (probably) lesser version of the annoyance, pain or panic that the disabled person experiences from the everyday sounds/sights of the people around them.

• You will come across an 'essential loud IPad user' (for want of a better term) maybe once or twice a year.

• The 'essential loud IPad user' will come across their annoying/painful sounds all day every day, each time they step outside their house.

• Couldn't you just put up with it or find a way round it on the rare occasion it's you in difficulty not the disabled person?

Wine- I'm not playing toptrumps. I'm asking you not to tell me how to parent. I've no doubt you have your own challenges but they are not the same (not saying they are less) as mine.

develop

Spot on manic

How do you know if it's a disabled person? Yes I could put up with it if it were explained to me. In, ooh, five years of complaining about tablets laptops and ipads no one has ever said my child needs this at this volume because he has physical or emotional difficulties. In fact I have never come across a disabled child with an ipad - my experience is loud, badly behaved, annoying, entitled kids and parents.

I remember the restaurant iPad thread, now. Wondered why I had a distinct feeling of deja vu.

Try reading the thread.

Isn't this the kind of thing that would be helped by people communicating with each other rather than silently stewing and second guessing reasons/judgements.

Passenger : would you be able to turn that down? I've got an awful headache

Parent of child with SN I'm sorry I realise it's not ideal for you but if I turn the sound down, my child will not be able to manage. The result would be worse for your headache, trust me.

Passenger OK, sorry.

Or

Parent of child without SN oh, ok. I can turn it down a bit.

Passenger thank you

Obv that's oversimplified but if we could just ask people stuff openly without there being a whole load of silent meaning and implied criticism and possible judgement.

Mega you don't know, which is why it's wise to assume it's a possibility. Personally I have no problem telling anyone and everyone about my and my children's disabilities as explanation of why we are doing things certain ways, but many people are not comfor table talking about them in public presisely because of the attitudes they come across places like mn. If people said ok fair enough honking (or whoever) I get itIghtfield be reasonable for some then people may not be as afraid of disabilist attitudes in rl.

I think what I'm saying is that (on public transport particularly) we only ask/tell people to change behaviour when we are already convinced we are right to do so. It would be good if people genuinely asked it as a question, rather than the question signifying a telling off.

"Megainstant

...no one has ever said my child needs this at this volume because he has physical or emotional difficulties. In fact I have never come across a disabled child with an ipad - my experience is loud, badly behaved, annoying, entitled kids and parents."

These are the children and the parents I had in mind, also. I would hazard a guess most contributors had those types of people in mind. So why are some posters trying to make others feel bad for expressing their views of the behaviour of some members of the public on public transport? Shouting them down for daring to have such an opinion is not good enough.

"honkinghaddock

Try reading the thread."

I have read the thread. Why must you
be so rude?

I have read the thread haddock. Did you mean to be so rude?

People speaking in absolutes is not good enough. It's narrow minded and ignorant.

Saying if the child doesn't have a disability then it's rude is one thing, saying any noise at all no matter the child's difficulties is out of line. And referring to any child who cannot tolerate head phones (who likely have asd or spd if they can't ever tolerate them) as special snowflakes is disabilist.

If you had read the thread you would have realised that
A. The first person to mention special needs wasn't a poster with a child with special needs.
B I was responding to several people who had said there should be no noise at all.
C There have been differences of opinion but people have been civilised.

"Toddlers are noisy. Sometimes peppa pig (on my mobile) is the only thing that will get mine to stay still, and not scream / run around the doctors surgery etc. And I don't carry headphones with me,"

Applesauce - toddlers have always been noisy and active. But saying the only thing that will get your toddler to be quiet and stay still, is Peppa Pig on your phone, is lazy parenting.

Those of us who raised our children before the invention of smart phones/iPads/portable DVD players etc didn't have the option of playing cartoons to keep our children behaving reasonably in public. We parented our children. We taught our children to behave themselves, and we made sure that our children listened to us when we told them to stop.

We didn't always succeed - but we tried. We didn't expect our children to sit silently and stock-still - but we did expect them to behave reasonably well, to stay quiet or quiet-ish, and not to annoy other people. It was hard work for us as parents, but we did it. We didn't abdicate our responsibilities to an electronic device.

If your child does not have special needs or a disability, then there is NO reason why you can't employ good parenting techniques and discipline to get your child to behave acceptably in public, without resorting to your phone.

Hoo bloody ray

I never minded mine running around the doctors surgery. This has reminded me of something. They used to have a tiny slide in the children's area of the doctors surgery. My friend who is the practice manager told me they weren't bothering to replace it because toddlers had slowly stopped using it - they looked at phones instead.

STDG

Spot on.

Well said STGD.
Voice of reasoning.
Lazy parenting in most cases.

Why does every bloody thread like this get hijacked by the usual few posters who try to make it about them and shout Disabilm. . Every sodding time. They're like a stuck record!

Can I just say, I said the same as STDG on page two.

Can I get some of the strokes too please?

Completely agree with you OP. It's nothing more than lazy and ineffectual parenting.

The first person who made a comment about special needs wasn't the parent of a child with special needs.
Other people again those without children with special needs, moved it on to other scenarios.
I can't work out whether some people can't read or just like to be goady.

Don't you ever get tired of doing this Honking? What is it that you get out of trying to make perfectly sensible threads about anti social noise (in this case) about Disabilism I have see you do it numerous time on other threads. It seems to me to be a particularly sad way of attention seeking.