To wish some parents would show a bit more consideration to others

[Njcr]

On a train with a splitting headache after work. There's a family nearby and the child is watching a cartoon on an ipad. Not an issue as such but the ipad is at full volume and no headphones are being used. I know that it must be nice for the kid to be occupied for are while but it's a full train of other people. Surely it would be considerate to use headphones/keep the volume low?

Genuine question. How did parents of severely disabled children distract them on public transport before the advent of iPads?

But honking has already explained that without a small amount of tablet noise to focus on he would be unable to go out and that he cant toletate head phones. So you demanding that your need is greater and he must turn off the noise would equate to him never going out.

MyWineTime - my son doesn't play with an ipad. He plays with toys that make a noise that are aimed at babies because cognitively that is at where he is at - pretend tablets. You don't know anything about him. Even the teachers at his special school discuss with me about suitable targets for him (like standing up to have his nappy changed) but you think you can tell me what I should do with him.

5 to 2 many didn't, many didn't take them anywhere like that, it's becoming more normal for severely disabled people to access normal life because their parents and carers are now fighting against the disablism that kept them hidden away before

Sorry honking I am totally talking on your behalf here without consulting you!

Children like my son didn't go on public transport unless they had to. Most still don't.

The parents who are unwilling to make any attempt to impact of their child's behaviour on other people, need to seek help. This isn't about other people being more accepting and understanding. Reasonable adjustments are there to enable disabled people equal opportunity to access the same things as non-disabled people. It doesn't mean you can do anything you want to do that makes life easier for you. The key word being "Reasonable". It should not have a negative impact on everyone around you.

There are lots of things that my autistic child might want to do that would occupy him and keep him calm, however, it is my duty as a parent to stop some of these behaviours - however hard that may be, for the benefit of other people.
Kicking, spitting, stripping off, masturbating, taking things from other people, throwing things around, pushing in front, jumping up and down on chairs, climbing on other people, weeing on the floor, drawing on the table. I do not expect other people to have to put up with unacceptable behaviours. My child may have done some of these kinds of things in the past, but I always did my utmost to prevent or stop it. I would never have thrown my hands up and said, well I can't do anything about it so you will have to put up with it and it's disablist if you don't.

If reasonable means having no negative impact on those around you then that would involve an entire train being utterly silent while my children are there, because their tone of voice, different conversations, word choice, volume etc would have a very negative impact on my children. As it is I am considerate enough to bring ear defenders for them. But I can only do that because they will tolerate wearing them for short periods of time. If creating a small amount of noise to focus on to block out other sensory stimulus then that's the only option other parents hAve.

Reasonable adjustments will sometimes negatively impact on other people. That is unavoidable.

I don't like listening to anyone else's games, music, movies etc in public. It is completely anti social, i cant think of any reason why i should be forced to listen to someone elses taste in music etc. and I always ask them to either use headphones or turn it down, kids adults, whoever. the only exception is when it looks like the might stab me!

A small amount of noise from a toy or tablet is not an unacceptable behaviour.

You really think honking's son should just remain shut in the house all day every day,
This is just nonsense. Of course he doesn't have to remain shut in the house 24/7! There is a very large gap between never going out and sitting on public transport playing a cartoon loudly.

When you are a parent of a disabled child, you slowly start to introduce your child to things they struggle with in order to help them learn to cope. So you start by making short trips out, taking a few comfort items to help them cope. You might work up to short trips to the shops or the park. A lot of effort will go into a visit to the Doctor's or Hospital, taking a few simple and quiet toys to distract and occupy them. Use of public transport is difficult, it took a lot of time to prepare my children for that, I even took an extra adult the first few times to help. Trips out were like military operations and I always asked for assistance and understanding from other people and organisations.
But that is all a very long way from allowing my child to use a toy or device that made a level of noise that would cause disruption and inconvenience to a large number of other people, then telling them that they had to put up with it.

Wine that's how I enable my disabled children to access the world- but that is because they can manage that much. Honking already said a small amount if quiet noise not loud yet others are demanding it's no noise at all, even when she explained he would not be able to be able to access public services without low level noise, which equates to them deciding he can simpley stay away as their needs matter much more.

At no time have I said he should be playing a cartoon loudly.
Do your children have the learning difficulties that my son has (do they have an understanding beyond baby level) because if they don't please stop giving me advice on how to parent.

That was to MyWineTime.

A small amount of noise from a toy or tablet is not an unacceptable behaviour.
That is not what this thread was about though is it.
The noise was significant

If reasonable means having no negative impact on those around you then that would involve an entire train being utterly silent while my children
Then that's not "reasonable" is it!

"Reasonable": as much as is appropriate or fair; moderate
Asking someone to wait while a disabled passenger boards a train, Asking someone to stand so a person on crutches can sit down, Giving priority seating to a visually impaired cinema goer - they are all examples of Reasonable adjustments.
Telling other people that they have to leave, keep quiet, not wear perfume because it causes distress to my child - that is NOT reasonable.

Consideration for all would be really nice.

But that was your own definition, that it is not reasonable to have any form of negating impact on others, yet just by being in close proximity others do impact negatively on my children. I was just showing how rediculous that definition of reasonable is. If people choose to be around people then they will be negatively impacted to some extent at some point. Waiting is a great example, because while my children cope with ear defenders or being told no noise on tablets unlike honking son, they don't cope with waiting. So waiting for sone one with disabilities to board would negatively impact them. But that person stI'll has the right to have that adjustment made. Some, many ime, reasonable adjustments cause a certain level of incontinence to others, like honking low level of noise may. But her son still has the right to use that as his reasonable adjustments that will enaenable him to access the world. The thread moved on from loud noise to many saying head phones or noise off- which I presume is why honking is explaining verulamium patiently how her son needs a low level noise from devises as his readonaemail adjustment. But is still getting pp's saying their needs matter more.

The part of the discussion involving my son came about because a few people said there should be no noise at all, which is unreasonable in some cases.
I don'tthink anyone recently has said loud is ok.
I think I'm out of this one now. Changling, thanks for helping to explain.

Honking I am not going to play disability top trumps with you. You seem to think that a child with a learning disability is the trump card and their needs take precedence over all others.
My DH, both my kids and I all have different disabilities and different needs. That makes life incredibly complicated and it makes some things impossible. We have to balance everyone's needs - regardless of their cognitive ability to understand each other's needs.

This thread was never about small amounts of noise, so if that is all you are talking about then you have derailed it from what the OP was originally complaining about. Loud cartoons on the train was the subject matter, not a few quiet baby toys.

I'm loving my typos, honking wouldn't it be ace if your son's low level noise caused incontinence in others!

Obviously I meant inconvience

As a disabled adult with 2 disabled children, I just cannot accept that anything that a disabled person wants, they should automatically be allowed. There has to be compromise. This is a want, it is not a need. The child does not NEED to watch the cartoon with the volume up.

Wise words. Compromise does not mean anyone's needs trump someone else's, no matter what their ages.

"MyWineTime

Honking I am not going to play disability top trumps with you. You seem to think that a child with a learning disability is the trump card and their needs take precedence over all others.
My DH, both my kids and I all have different disabilities and different needs. That makes life incredibly complicated and it makes some things impossible. We have to balance everyone's needs - regardless of their cognitive ability to understand each other's needs.

This thread was never about small amounts of noise, so if that is all you are talking about then you have derailed it from what the OP was originally complaining about. Loud cartoons on the train was the subject matter, not a few quiet baby toys."

Exactly.

Threads develope and move on, that's inevitable in discussions. It was other pp's who said no noise at all, so they 'derailed' it. Honking's point is valid.

Honking has completely derailed it. It happened in the one about ipads in a restaurant too.