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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish some parents would show a bit more consideration to others

323 replies

Njcr · 30/11/2016 17:45

On a train with a splitting headache after work. There's a family nearby and the child is watching a cartoon on an ipad. Not an issue as such but the ipad is at full volume and no headphones are being used. I know that it must be nice for the kid to be occupied for are while but it's a full train of other people. Surely it would be considerate to use headphones/keep the volume low?

OP posts:
honkinghaddock · 01/12/2016 07:38

I cannot have discussions with ds about it. He doesn't have that level of understanding. Some people with autism don't.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 01/12/2016 07:41

OP had a migraine. I have a neurological condition - when I have a migraine. Any level or noise feels like my skull is being split in two. Looking at my phone even on a low light makes my eyes hurt or putting headphones in to listen to my own music / video / iPad is just going to exacerbate my migraine. Exarcabating my migraine means I'm very likely to then chunder and possibly pass out on a packed public train. So I know how OP feels. OP shouldn't HAVE to wear headphones. How about people just learn to accept that not all levels of noise are acceptable to others. It's not entitlement, it's not child hating or snobbiness, it's just basic common courtesy.

DS can wake the dead with his screaming meltdowns, yet at the same time he cant tolerate the noise of a crying baby. Not the baby's fault obviously but I'm just giving an example that some SNs kids can't tolerate that kind of noise either.

FrancisCrawford · 01/12/2016 07:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Njcr · 01/12/2016 07:58

I thought I'd just update everyone with the news that this mornings train is lovely and quiet :)

OP posts:
brasty · 01/12/2016 08:04

I used to work with severely disabled kids, including autistic kids. There were far more kids disturbed by other peoples noises, than made noise that disturbed others.
I understand that ipads without headphones is the easiest option with some kids. But in enclosed public spaces like trains, most parents do not go for the easiest option. It is about consideration for others.

honkinghaddock · 01/12/2016 08:12

Whether or not something is a reasonable adjustment takes into account the disability of the person concerned. Saying to my child headphones or no audio is like telling a baby not to cry and expecting it to happen.
A reasonable adjustment for himself to have the sound on very low and if anyone sitting very close by is able to hear it and finds the noise distressing, they can talk to me and between us we can sort out a better seating arrangement.

RoseGoldHippie · 01/12/2016 08:14

My biggest big bear is people (usually teens) listening to loud shite music walking along the road. Especially late at night.

Not a massive fan of kids watching cartoons with loud volumes on iPads in public but does bother me a lot less than hearing 'mph mph mph' over and over again by grown children who should know better!

brasty · 01/12/2016 08:16

haddock, it really is not. Babies have cried since the human race first existed. Ipads have only existed for a very short time.

Sirzy · 01/12/2016 08:16

Very low sounds a reasonable adjustment, I doubt when it's very low it can be heard by anyone other than those sitting directly next to it anyway.

I would hope any parent introducing iPad now would do it together with the headphones rule but if a child has already got used to using it without I can see how it can be hard or impossible to introduce.

honkinghaddock · 01/12/2016 08:19

My son spends his whole life disturbed by others noise and behaviour. We have to leave anywhere if there is a baby crying because nothing can get him past that. He has stopped going to soft play and general swim sessions because there is no way around other children's noise. We can't use playgrounds if there are other children in them because he is scared of their shrieking and squealing.
I don't think him having the reasonable adjustment of a small amount of noise to calm himself is too much to ask.

Ciutadella · 01/12/2016 08:23

That's the thing though rosegold, why would teens know better if their parents used to let them have the ipad with no headphones in public? They might be genuinely surprised to know that some people consider it rude! Societal changes and all that....

honkinghaddock · 01/12/2016 08:24

I'm not talking about an ipad. It's child's musical toys which obviously have the same issue to others as ipads etc. He is not capable of using an ipad. He is still refusing to listen to music with headphones on.

RoseGoldHippie · 01/12/2016 08:25

Ciutadella fair point, I have no way to argue that!

5moreminutes · 01/12/2016 08:26

There are so many sources of annoying / infuriating noise on trains, and most of them come from adults.

RoseGoldHippie · 01/12/2016 08:27

honkinghaddock I think they are different to iPads etc, I have never been bothered by children playing with rattles and toys that make noise (unless they shout stupid phrases like the sausage game!)

RoseGoldHippie · 01/12/2016 08:29

Actually any musical toy for children should be acceptable.

Unless it is a recorder - why oh why were they ever invented?

BitOutOfPractice · 01/12/2016 08:30

I heard a programme on the radio recently about people playing music on phones on speaker. It's called SODCASTING. Which very aptly describes you situation op.

I hope your head is better

5moreminutes · 01/12/2016 08:30

RoseGold you are so right about recorders Grin

RoseGoldHippie · 01/12/2016 08:32

Grin worst things ever!

I will not believe anyone is using one to soothe their child!

5moreminutes · 01/12/2016 08:33

Whistling is 97 million times worse than tinny music/ Peppa Pig/ Thomas the tank engine.

People who whistle in enclosed public spaces have a special area of hell reserved for them to share with all the other public whistlers... ShockGrin

Original poster
Njcr · 01/12/2016 08:34

Pretty sure you're missing the point haddock. Quite sounds are not an issue at all. My original post was about a loud IPAD!

OP posts:
honkinghaddock · 01/12/2016 08:35

Some of my son's 'musical' toys can be very repetitive and loud (eg Alfie bear) but they don't go out anywhere.

honkinghaddock · 01/12/2016 08:38

We have had tuts when people see us getting them out so I thought they were being included in the ipad issue. But if they are not then I'm not arguing.

RoseGoldHippie · 01/12/2016 08:40

Well I wouldn't have an issue with that mainly because at lease the children are using their imagination and are physically playing with something. But that's probably a whole different thread!

myfavouritecolourispurple · 01/12/2016 08:41

I don't think I've ever heard anyone whistling on a train.

There was a bunch of obnoxious teenagers on a train recently who were playing music without headphones and were very manipulatively nasty to the woman who asked them to stop, saying what music, we're not playing music - the whole carriage was aghast. Fortunately (for us) they decided to change carriages.

To be fair I've never experienced a small child playing on an electronic device without headphones on a train either but have seen it in a cafe.

Recorders are fine if people can actually play them properly. Much like any musical instrument really.

I generally pick the quiet carriage to sit in, which generally is quiet.