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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wish some parents would show a bit more consideration to others

323 replies

Njcr · 30/11/2016 17:45

On a train with a splitting headache after work. There's a family nearby and the child is watching a cartoon on an ipad. Not an issue as such but the ipad is at full volume and no headphones are being used. I know that it must be nice for the kid to be occupied for are while but it's a full train of other people. Surely it would be considerate to use headphones/keep the volume low?

OP posts:
SpookyPotato · 30/11/2016 19:14

Definitely need headphones, no-one should be inflicting that noise on others.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 30/11/2016 19:15

But that mum might not have had a choice, would you rather a screaming child or a programme?

That could very well end up happening anyway, if there is another SN adult or child in the vincinity who can't abide that kind of stimulation.

TeaMeBasil · 30/11/2016 19:15

Ugh yes I've had this too, two kids sharing a very loud iPad on a train while mum & dad were happily oblivious to how intrusive it was to everyone else Hmm

bigmouthstrikesagain · 30/11/2016 19:16

I have been on many public transport journeys fuming silently about other peoples noise. I also have 3 children, 2 with ASD, one of them very noise sensitive. So he will wear ear defenders on a particularly noisy busy train, he will also use a tablet on silent, he finds other peoples noisy devices pretty upsetting. One fun journey in wales we were subjected to another passenger playing the radio on his phone. Ironically we were blasted with "the sound of silence'! I opted to get the children engaged in a lively game of Uno, to distract from shitty fm on a tinny phone speaker.

A few weeks ago I was travelling into London in the evening and a noisy couple got on the train. They immediately started playing loud shit pop music on their phone, then made a very loud video phone call, then continued their dj set on the train. It was worse because I had lost the bud on my in ear head phones so I was getting a mash up their music and mine. Horrible. I insist on silent devices and headphones. It is just consideration for others.

Njcr · 30/11/2016 19:19

I don't know if this child had SN that meant he had to have a loud IPAD on. Didn't seem like it as the mum originally said the ipad wasn't working and he seemed quite happy to chat away with her for a while and it was actually the mum who persisted in trying to fix the ipad until it started working. I shouldn't really assume tho. It would probably still annoy me if I'm honest!
I get equally annoyed with loud (usually drunk!) groups of adults on the train if I'm tired or ill. If there's a quiet coach I'll move to it (wasn't one on todays service) or I would at least move a bit further down. Today's train was busy and with no spare seats tho so that wasn't an option.
Agree that it's much better to speak to someone and ask reasonably to turn the sound down but as I said before unfortunately where I was sat it wasn't an option.

OP posts:
NotYoda · 30/11/2016 19:20

Pretentious twenty-somethings on our train last week - playing clips on their computer and loud braying phone conversations.

honkinghaddock · 30/11/2016 19:21

brasty - I know a couple of adults who use quiet noise to block out the noise of others. Most children will eventually tolerate headphones but there are a some, generally with severe learning difficulties, who don't.

Applesauce29 · 30/11/2016 19:23

At the risk of being flamed, could you not just have moved to the quiet carriage if you had a migraine?

Toddlers are noisy. Sometimes peppa pig (on my mobile) is the only thing that will get mine to stay still, and not scream / run around the doctors surgery etc. And I don't carry headphones with me, so they'd be listening to it without to avoid a tantrum! Obviously I don't try to be antagonistic and try keep volume down, but that might still annoy people (but prob less than a full blown tantrum).

Maybe pack headphones if you're that sensitive.

MsJudgemental · 30/11/2016 19:24

We had this on an easyJet flight last summer. It started in the airport with very loud annoying repetitive tune on a game. I realised the child had ASD. His mother kept screaming at him to stop or use headphones to no avail. The rest of the large, extended family just ignored him.

As bad luck would have it, not only were they on our flight but sitting opposite, with the older siblings in front. The mother kept screaming at him to turn the sound down or wear earphones, to no avail. The flight was stuck on the tarmac, in the dark, for what seemed like hours- everyone at the back of the plane was getting desperate, my son (who it turned out was already freaking out as he had never been on a night flight before) was beside himself and, uncharacteristically said if they didn't take it off him he would do it for them, cue row of older siblings in front shouting that he was autistic and to leave him alone or he'd kick off, the mother kept screaming that she'd had enough and didn't know what to do with him, father sat there the entire time as if nothing was happening at all and it was nothing to do with him, earphones were found that didn't work, he refused to wear any anyway and refused to turn the sound down even a little bit.....it was pandemonium.

This is not intended to be SN-bashing, I work with a few SN children. However, the mother couldn't cope, the father was a waste of space and the siblings aggressive. Hopefully, next time they might find a way to be better prepared as it was very unfair to the rest of the passengers.

brasty · 30/11/2016 19:25

Maybe you should pack headphones instead?

MsJudgemental · 30/11/2016 19:26

And on a plane there's nowhere else to go.

NotYoda · 30/11/2016 19:27

applesauce

So you could pack headphones.

toddlers are a PITA but I'd be more irritated by an adult's choice to make noise than a child's tantrum

MsJudgemental · 30/11/2016 19:27

Brasty, if you're talking to me, we did have headphones, actually, but the noise was so loud that you could hear it even with music playing.

Applesauce29 · 30/11/2016 19:30

Well Yoda, it's not always possible when you're trying to leave the house and packing nappies, change of clothes, drinks, snacks etc to also always have to remember headphones too. Usually always have phone on me tho. Not a conscious choice!

brasty · 30/11/2016 19:30

No sorry I wasn't talking to you. I have lots of sympathy for you. Sounds an awful journey.

MsJudgemental · 30/11/2016 19:31

sorry, Brasty, cross-post!

Applesauce29 · 30/11/2016 19:31

And I'd rather listen to peppa pig than a screaming toddler

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 30/11/2016 19:32

And I don't carry headphones with me

Maybe pack headphones if you're that sensitive.

Shock

Why should she pack headphones??

You're the one creating the noise!

You pack headphones.

NotYoda · 30/11/2016 19:33

Applesauce

Maybe now you can add it to your list? I've had toddlers. If I was carrying an ipad to amuse them (didn't exist when I had mine, sadly), surely not too much to remember headphiones

NotYoda · 30/11/2016 19:34

. sorry phone (they didn't exist either)

AudTheDeepMinded · 30/11/2016 19:34

I was once in a quiet carriage with a senior colleague on the way to a conference. A man a few rows back had a large radio cassette player (those were the days) which he had on at full volume. Everyone around us was tutting and huffing but no one would say anything.
I thought I would take control and impress the boss so got up and firmly but politely asked him to turn it down and reminded him that it was a quiet coach. Only half way through I noticed his large, clear bag full of possessions and stamped 'Property of HMP' and also how very scary he looked with all the home made tats etc on his face and hands. Wrong person to get bossy with! I slunk back to my seat and tried to make myself invisible for the rest of the journey.

MsJudgemental · 30/11/2016 19:35

Absolutely, verybitchy

Ciutadella · 30/11/2016 19:38

Op couldn't move apple, there were no spare seats.

The same would be true of a plane, usually.

NotYoda · 30/11/2016 19:38

God knows how any of us ever stopped our kids screaming and running around before electronic entertainment was invented. It required a bit of effort but we did it. Or sometimes we failed.

So don't imply to us, Applesauce, that we don't understand

FrancisCrawford · 30/11/2016 19:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.