To not mention it to my friend

[Peculiarparenting]

That the mums at school are talking about the fact she does not put a coat on her toddler in this cold weather. He is normally in short sleeves and shorts at drop off and pick up time and is shivering which is what other mums are not noticing. This has been going on since September but it's more noticeable now as the weather is alot colder and he is dressed so inappropriately.

My reason for not wanting to tell her is that she had a baby a few months ago and is juggling a lot with 4 dcs. Her other dcs are always dressed for the weather. From speaking to her I know she is trying to get her toddler in to warmer clothes and he is refusing. He does feel the cold when he is outside though as he is shivering and asking to go home.

I have gently tried to give her ideas about how to get him in a coat. My dc was also particular about clothes and I just had to hide the things I no longer wanted him to wear so he was left with no choice. I have noticed when he is with his dad the toddler does wear a jacket and hat so I suspect he can be forced in to it.

Should I tell my friend people are gossiping about her or keep my mouth shut.

I'm pretty sure that toddlers are not considered to be Gillick Competent. No I'm positive they are not! They usually have parents to make decisions on their behalf and to teach them social norms and how to protect themselves, so when they reach the age of Gillick Competence they will have an understanding of appropriate decision making.

I am concerned that there are parents who allow their toddlers to dictate what clothes they wear. Allow them to dictate as toddlers then surely these kids will grow up thinking they can do what they damn well please.

I pity the teachers of such kids when they get to comprehensive school. How do they begin to teach "rules that apply to everyone" when they have been allowed to do just what they want to for 11 years?

Oh and yes inappropriate clothing for conditions is a sign of neglect. Look it up. There is plenty of evidence on the internet.

DS1 began to "assert" himself over clothes when he was 2. By assert, I mean lengthy, thrashing, screaming tantrums. By the time we had got to a stage of even considering wearing coats, my resolve had been worn down by getting the rest of the clothing on. That autumn, I bought him a lovely coat, deliberately choosing the one with fire engines, police cars and helicopters which surely he would love... did he heck! The coat was lugged around all winter, barely worn. Only when he was shivering and threatening to turn blue could the coat be put on to him. (He began to accept the coat the following year. DS2 has finally made the expenditure worthwhile)

He's still very exacting about what he will wear now that he's 6. He HATES trousers. Until the school uniform was clarified, we thought that he had to wear trousers most of the year. Every bloody morning was a battle to get his uniform on. Since we've found out that uniform shorts are acceptable all year, he's worn them, getting dressed with far less distress on all parts. He has long socks for the colder weather which to be honest gives the same coverage as a girl in a skirt and socks, yet psycologically the word "shorts" provokes some kind of reaction in people.

Now he's getting to an age of reasoning and logic, we can save the trousers/ shorts argument for the times that it is worth having, like cool evenings when camping, and because it's occasional and not forced on him there is more likely to be a positive outcome. When he was younger, he understood that sun = warm, and struggled to process that despite the winter sun glowing through his window, it could be perishingly cold outside.

He is a child who is happy and healthy (never missed a day off school), who doesn't feel the cold easily and is very stubborn. (He's also co-operative and reasonable about most other aspects of life)

The key thing for me is that the child has access to the coat. Pick your battles. A milder winter day, probably not worth the cost on the child and the siblings (late, stressed). In the playground when he's shivering, more worthwhile. Involving the child in buying a new coat that they like the look and feel of could help.

I can understand that the pressure of an ultra-resistant toddler and meeting the needs of the other siblings means that the coat is a battle that is one she is reluctant to tackle day after day.

My nephews had to wear shorts every day (90s Manchester area) when they were at primary school. Ordinary primary - not some posh private one.
Totally get it that the child should be more warmly dressed. Totally get it that there must be a battle each day with other kids to wrangle.
Yes she needs tips for a fresh approach. She doesn't need bitchiness.

I can understand that the pressure of an ultra-resistant toddler and meeting the needs of the other siblings means that the coat is a battle that is one she is reluctant to tackle day after day

And she wouldn't have to, if he was wearing adequate clothing! I realise I've now said this 4 thousand times, but its not about the damn coat!!!

I have to agree with user to a large extent.

My father was at school in Sheffield in the 1930s and 40s and also wore shorts to school every day BUT he would also have had on long socks, a long sleeved shirt (probably), a woolly jumper, a blazer and a cap. The only thing uncovered would have been his knees. And his shorts would have been wool or worsted or flannel, not thin ones.

In the OP's friend's case, it's not about the coat per se; or even the shorts! It's about the fact that the child is in ONLY a t-shirt and summer shorts. The materials are thin, there are no extra layers, he IS cold because he shivers and demands to go home. Other people's experiences of children who refuse to wear coats because they're not cold aren't relevant. Those who refuse to wear coats but have other layers on or warmer clothes on aren't relevant.
Those who wore shorts all year round but probably had on a jumper +/- a blazer aren't really that relevant either, because for all we know they might have still been cold but those were the rules.

I don't think there has been any one poster on this thread who has had the same experience as the OP's friend, where their child (or they) deliberately made themselves cold by insisting on wearing short summer clothing in winter, has there? Maybe I missed it, if there was.