To not bother starting this job?

[harveyyspecter]

Got a part time job after being a sahm for the last 2 years. I'm due to start next week and therefore dd will be starting nursery.

The problem is that one of the contracted shifts is on an evening and I can't get childcare for dd. I didn't realise dd's dad wouldn't be able to take care of her when I had the interview.

Wibu to just not bother with the job or should I start and ask them to swap shifts which will make me look like a flake straight away..

You just need to call them asap and explain the situation. They may be able to accommodate you but at least they have time to arrange a replacement if not. Of course you shouldn't leave a 2 year old with a stranger. You are not alone on that one.

As for the ignorant Tuesday visitor crowing about legal Maternity leave and us heartless cows leaving our babies at 3/5 months. When I went back to work mat leave was 6 month so long and I'd had a month of it before DS was born. So I had no option but to leave him at nursery at 5 months. For others 12/14 weeks maternity leave was all they got. Go and inform yourself.

Jen was that aimed at me?

All I said was that sometimes mat leave IS compulsory (I think for 2/3 weeks) in certain professions. I never criticised working mothers. I was raised by one!

OP, ignore the haters...and yes, I rarely think that term applies but it may do here. They just don't know what they are talking about and should really educate themselves, or just exercise basic human understanding. I can tell that you are doing really well and have done brilliantly to have come so far.

Is there any way that your dd could stay with a relative overnight, and you could let yourself in and stay too so they won't have to wait up? Or could you collect her in the morning.

I hope you can find a solution, but if not don't let it derail your achievements. You will find something more suitable if this doesn't work out.

Fwiw OP, you are normal. You're just ill. You're trying to run with a broken leg and funnily enough you're falling over and it's painful. You need to allow yourself to be ill, allow yourself time and resources to recover and use crutches in the meantime. You will get there, just take your time. Deep breathes and think things through, take yourself out of panic mode before you commit to things.

No fizz someone upthread who asked why I had babies if I was going to leave them with strangers.

Ah Jen just reviewed see its for blue

Oops!

X post

OP: I realise that you feel backed up against the wall, but there are solutions. You will be starting your job in January, so have a few weeks to go. There is a website called childcare.co.uk who list childminders, baby sitters etc. Would it be feasible for you to post on there with your requirements and see what comes up? It may well give you time to get to know the prospective babysitter before you go back to work? I realise that they won't be family or close friend, but hopefully, you would get to know them and they won't be a stranger?

One of the hardest things I've had to do is to put both my two into daycare. But the bills needed paying and we needed a roof over our heads and I didn't have an OH to help. We muddled through and just did what we had to do. I still have "mix & match" daycare for DD who's now 9, she's well-adjusted and sociable.

OP, I sympathise with your anxieties, but if you are going to be a working single parent, I think this is something you need to address. There will be all sorts of childcare emergencies over the years, and most employers will expect you to have some sort of back-up plan in place.

Someone up-thread mentioned Sitters. We've been using them for about 3 years now and they are great. They are all nannies, childminders, retired nursery workers etc, and they are all CRB checked. You have an option to select preferred carers and they will be approached first. I'm sure you could ask to meet someone before putting a regular arrangement in place, and to make it clear that you would only ever want that one carer. My kids rather unflatteringly cheer when they find out the babysitter is coming.

Even if this job falls through, you're likely to face this sort of difficulty in other situations, so seeking help with your anxiety would be a solid investment in your future, and your daughter's future.

I called and told them my situation. They've let me swap shifts with someone else and everything's sorted. Phew.

harvey that's brilliant news!

Well done OP.

Fabulous news. Well done

Well done, harveyyspecter! Pleased for you. Time to celebrate!

Nice one harvey

Well done, OP.

Hi op

This thread is very weird and I'm sure not at all helpful to you. Try to ignore the negativity if you can. You don't owe anything to strangers on the Internet, and don't need to prove or justify yourself.

I hear what you're saying about being so anxious about leaving your lo at nursery and feeling she's the only thing you've done right. You sound like a loving parent doing your best. It's not easy.

Fwiw I too would not leave a 2 year old with a baby sitter at night. I'm far from workshy but we all have limits and that would be mine too. Plus you won't ft help with the coSt of childcare for an unregistered babysitter.

I'm sure it feels very dark right now but you are employable. It will get better. Talk to your employer about alternative shifts. If none are availabe look for a job that fits in with the realities of your situation.

When I was a single parent I would not have considered evening shift work. That's just how it is sometimes. It doesn't mean your a bad person.

Good luck!

well done OP!
Notice how all the people giving you "great" suggestions haven't bothered to come and wish you well. Funny that huh.

I've sent you a PM OP.

I am disgusted at the way you have been treated on this thread. Some people really need to stop acting like twats behind their screens and recognise that not everyone is like them or can do exactly what they think the person should be doing.

Well done on sorting this out OP.

Oops, x posted! Yay, we'll dobe you!!

Great news op- see how easily things we build up in our minds can be sorted when we just take a deep breath and find our voice?

P.S Can you get me a discount ;)

Yay. Congratulations OP. You will get there 1 step at a time. It's difficult when you have someone determined to take pot shots at you every time you stick your head above the parapet.
To everyone else. Never had so much shit slung at you that it bogs you down every now and then and you need to pause and shake it free? No one is perfect, stop being such two faced, lemon faced, judgemental bitch ploppers and recognise when someone needs a bit of support instead of condemnation.

harvey that's great well done!

hooray - a new house, a new job - 2017 is going to be a pretty good year for you op!