To think this was unfair and unprofessional of my sons teacher?

[burgundyandgoldleaves]

My son is nine and in Year 5.

Over the years my husband has made a bit of a name for himself I daresay and has complained about various things. (I've told him not to.)

Today, DS got into a bit of trouble - nothing hugely major, he was, along with others, somewhere he shouldn't have been at lunch time. There was some rubbish in this room that they weren't responsible for. The teacher came in and started shouting at the boys for leaving the mess. DS tried to tell her they weren't responsible and the teacher shouted at him not to interrupt (fine) and "send your dad in if you're not happy, I don't care!"

AIBU or is the latter part of this statement quite unfair? DS was pretty embarrassed and I'm now trying to work this so he doesn't tell his dad!

The tray incident was where a supply teacher threw a tray across the classroom. And Flogging you know I am trying really hard to fairly explain here. It isn't nice to twist my words back at me as if they are something I think rather than trying to explain.

Sorry, you're right. He just sounds really pathetic, but that's my problem.

Thanks Flogging'that's fair of you.

It's not exactly that he's pathetic, he's just trying to control everything all the time.

I don't think it was unprofessional. If your DH has made a name for himself as a whinger, it's pretty well warranted. Slightly unfair on your son? Possibly if he's not actually getting his dad to come in over trivial stuff.

burgundy I really hope this thread has given you some food for thought and hope you can take something from it that is useful. It's very brave to come on here and bare your soul in AIBU and you've done that with good grace.

I didn't agree with how you handled this and thought you should have left it.

However, I can't see how people dissecting your marriage is helping or relevant really.

Hope a line is drawn and your ds has learnt not to be where he shouldn't be in future.

he's just trying to control everything all the time

But just with the teachers, not with you? Because you seem intimidated by him, or you'd not hide school-related issues from him.

Thanks Rousette I really do appreciate that, too.

He doesn't whinge exactly. A typical parents evening might go:

Teacher - DS is doing extremely well across the board. We were really pleased with his history project - he included some facts even I didn't know!
DH - So do you think he's being adequately stretched in history?
Me - (muttering) DH!
Teacher - well .. He's achieving all his targets and ...
DH - but you have just indicated he knows more than you do, so -
Me - DH! (Cringing)
Teacher - no, that's not quite what I meant, it was just -
DH - if an eight year olds knowledge has surpassed yours then OW (I kick him)
Me - we really appreciate the lovely things you've said about our son (glaring at DH)
DH - yes, of course we do, it's just -

I drag DH away.

Jesus what an enormous asshole. Trust me, that guy and his twat ways will be the talk of the staffroom. Who treats people like that? He obviously has zero respect for teachers. I could never be with a man who like that. Poor you.

I'm with your husband, the teacher should endeavour to know every single fact relating to history.

You've just described a rant there OP. An aggressive and arrogant rant. Poor poor teachers

It wasn't a rant, he knew exactly what he was saying.

And I have said all the way through he's arrogant. I'm not condoning it. Just saying that there is a difference in going in yelling all angry and going in icily calm and condescending, he is the latter.

Definition of a rant:

speak or shout at length in an angry, impassioned way.

Just saying that there is a difference in going in yelling all angry and going in icily calm and condescending, he is the latter.

What you've just described is wose than some ranting frother, imo.

What a total mindfuck.

The rest of the post was codswallop (you are not controlling if you upset a teacher or question the way they are doing their job and we have no idea how controlling the bloke is generally). There is no evidence of him being controlling

Slenderisthenight - what are you talking about? The OP mentioned in her own words that he had a history of a 'need to be in control' which resulted in 'bad behaviour'. Several times. In her own posts.

I'd take a good look at your own posts and maybe actually read the full thread before saying mine are codswallop ffs.

... so it only took 8 pages to confirm your husband is an utter bellend. What a cuntish thing to say, seriously. You both come off terribly in that exchange.

The school staff will rightly be thrilled when your son ages out of that school, and I can't blame them at all.

What have I done in that exchange that makes me a cunt!

Does he get off on making someone, who is ultimately enriching the experience of his own child, feel about 2 inches big? I hope he's proud of himself. What a guy.

Your husband should feel proud that his 9 year old has gone out of his way to research something extra beyond his syllabus and thank his teacher for clearly stimulating enough interest for his son to feel that he wants to do that.

What have I done in that exchange that makes me a cunt! confused

Nothing! Imo PP should not have said that.

But honestly, reading your posts is like reading the post of some poor battered woman talking about how lovely her husband actually is despite everything.

but burgundy do you really feel that you and your son have to hide this for fear of an aggressive, explosive reaction?

More shite, slender. Where did I say they fear an 'explosive' or 'aggressive' reaction? Nowhere. Because that doesn't seem to be this complete wanker's style - he's too clever for that, that would expose him immediately for the nasty bit of work he sounds like, instead of keeping some people still guessing and others fooled by him.

The man she has described, in her own words, comes across as a complete and utter cunt to anyone with the slightest bit of nous.

He's just trying to ensure DS is stimulated and, don't know really. Extended? I don't know. Anyway like I say I'm NOT condoning it and I never have.

Please don't kid yourself he is doing it purely for your DS's benefit. He's doing to because he gets a kick out of it. You can tell by the way he jumps in mid sentence frequently.

Is he controlling about other stuff, or just school?

Stimulate him at home. Ask the teacher what you can do to supplement his learning, rather than putting all the onus on the teacher.