...to cancel our big wedding and ask to use the money for a house deposit?

[stumblymonkey]

DP and I are planning to get married on 1st December. We have been very excited and are well ahead with the planning, deposits have been paid to pretty much all the suppliers. The only things we haven't bought yet are the dress and groom's party suits.

We have paid roughly £5k in deposits. The whole wedding will cost c.£30k and we are very lucky in that our parents will jointly contribute £20k.

I've loved planning the wedding, it's everything I've ever wanted and we will/would have a perfect start.

DPs mum is very excited about the wedding. My parents think we should have had a small wedding and put the rest towards a house deposit (we are renting).

However....

I'm getting cold feet about the amount of money we're spending on one day that everyone says goes by in a flash and have started to think maybe we should lose the deposits and spend a small amount on a registry office or church wedding and then a meal at a pub or something informal.

Obviously it's our wedding and we can do what we like but AIBU to persuade DP to do this if he would prefer the big wedding?

And WIBU to ask DP's parents if they would still give us the money if we decided we wanted to use it as a deposit?

I'm more dithering between the two rather than dead set on a small wedding (I've been the one planning so far so can't say I haven't known about the costs as I have)...

1st December? THIS Thursday?!

That might be slightly too short notice to cancel...

in 3 days time or next year?

Ah that's tough.. if your parents were giving you the money then that would be fine. But are the in laws giving you money just because or is it for the wedding? It's fine to ask as long as you acknowledge they could take it back if you've decided on a small wedding.

£30k on a wedding is ridiculous - it's one day.

However if the wedding is in 3 days time I suspect that money is now gone. You'll have to pay suppliers even if you cancel.

You mean next year right ?!?!

Missed that, this 1 December? May be a smite too late

YABU, it's three days away.

And it depends how easy it would be to get that type of money together again

For me I'd use it as a house deposit and have a cheaper wedding but I know some people who would do the opposite

You should go through with it now. You'd only cancel a £30k wedding 3 days in advance if you didn't want to marry the man. Even though you've paid deposits, you'll likely be liable for the full balances for everything whether you use it or not as its so close. I don't think using the money as a house deposit is an option at all.

I would not cancel!

Aside from the short timescale, you're spending £30K on a wedding?

The only way I'd spend that much, is if I was financially secure enough to put down about £100k on a house.

If you can't afford both I would definitely go for house deposit. Your wedding will be one of the fastest days you ever experience. I loved mine but I would have felt cheated if I had spent anywhere near £30,000 on it. It's just one day!

No. HAve your wedding. It's telling that they haven't offered it as a deposit or suggested.

We spent over £30k and i was many years ago too- don't regret it at all

Do you mean on Thursday or another year away?

I'm guessing this is next year if you don't have a dress, right? As such, then if your parents are willing, it makes financial sense.

I firmly believe that if people put half the effort and planning into marriage that they put in to weddings the divorce rate would be significantly lower. 30k is a ridiculous amount of money to spend on a dress you'll wear once and half a day's entertainment (if even that much) unless you are significantly wealthy. Ofcourse the money could be better spent but if you mean this Thursday then I think you've left it a wee bit late.

Why would you put less effort into planning a marriage hair because you spend more on the day? It makes absolutely no difference

YADNBU.

A day or a home? No contest.

Yeah all that outside resource will probably still want paying in full at such short notice.

Whoops....1st December 2017!

And if by some miracle you did cancel, surely everyone would want their money back? They thought they'd be paying for a wedding, not a house.

I just don't understand spending thousands on a wedding unless you are really rich. It's just a party!
A house would be so much more.
However, it isn't your money and I imagine the contributors are more interested in making a big fuss and showing off than they are in helping you with your future - otherwise they would have offered...

Definitely not in 3 days....of course we would get nothing back if that was the case.

As it stands (for next year) we would just lose the £5k or so deposit.

I don't believe that we've put less than half the amount of time into planning our marriage as our wedding. We've thought through the marriage a lot, talked about it a lot....down to how we would parent our (future) children, what we would do if it turned out we couldn't have any, plans for the next 10-15 years, how we will share childcare and chores, etc, etc.

Spending a lot on a wedding doesn't automatically mean you haven't thought through the meaningful part

op you have the cheek of ten arses !

If it's this Thursday don't cancel - aside from the complexities of cancelling the vendors, you're also going to piss off a lot of guests if they have to cancel travel plans and they've already forked out for a gift and outfit!

If it's next December then crack on and cancel, I would!