...to cancel our big wedding and ask to use the money for a house deposit?

[stumblymonkey]

DP and I are planning to get married on 1st December. We have been very excited and are well ahead with the planning, deposits have been paid to pretty much all the suppliers. The only things we haven't bought yet are the dress and groom's party suits.

We have paid roughly £5k in deposits. The whole wedding will cost c.£30k and we are very lucky in that our parents will jointly contribute £20k.

I've loved planning the wedding, it's everything I've ever wanted and we will/would have a perfect start.

DPs mum is very excited about the wedding. My parents think we should have had a small wedding and put the rest towards a house deposit (we are renting).

However....

I'm getting cold feet about the amount of money we're spending on one day that everyone says goes by in a flash and have started to think maybe we should lose the deposits and spend a small amount on a registry office or church wedding and then a meal at a pub or something informal.

Obviously it's our wedding and we can do what we like but AIBU to persuade DP to do this if he would prefer the big wedding?

And WIBU to ask DP's parents if they would still give us the money if we decided we wanted to use it as a deposit?

I'm more dithering between the two rather than dead set on a small wedding (I've been the one planning so far so can't say I haven't known about the costs as I have)...

FWIW for context....we're in Surrey and £20-30k is quite a normal amount to spend amongst professionals down here.

I earn circa £8k net per month so we're not rich but we're not short of money either. Getting the remaining part of our house deposit together isn't going to take more than a year or two.

Ahh cross post!
Yes cancel it! I do t have any issue with the 30k for a wedding but if the money is going to be better used for a house deposit then I would do it.

If you take home £8K per month, why on earth are your parents paying for the wedding?!

It will be interesting to see what DP says and what he thinks his parents response would be.

My parents would prefer to give us the money for a deposit.

Will your (IMO) extremely high income I have changed my mind! If you can buy a house in a year or two regardless then spend what you want on your wedding.

If I earned £8k per month I would pay for my own wedding and house deposit and let my parents keep their money to spend on themselves. My husband and I are professionals and spent about £6k on our wedding, which was very nice. Fair enough if you want to spend more but cheeky to spend such a huge amount of someone else's money.

Oooh....because they want to?

You earn £8k a month but you've been given money for a wedding?

Maybe their parents want to- which is why they haven't offered it as a deposit? Maybe they want to show off their daughters lovely wedding. Lots of parents do

For a bit more context....both sets of our parents are quite well off and they want to contribute to our wedding.

I'm not on £8k per month and taking money off people who can't afford it.

Sorry I just couldn't justify ever spending that much on a wedding.

Not trying to stealth boast - just give some context- but we had paid off our mortgage when we got married so had lots of disposable income (before kids obviously!) but would not have dreamed of spending so much. Our 'modest' wedding was 'only' about 4K and was one of the happiest days of my life. I have been lucky enough to be invited to cheaper weddings and they have been every bit as special as some of the more expensive ones we've been to - often more special if the bride has really personalised it.

So much stealth bragging in so few posts lol..

Just have whatever wedding you want... Money is hardly any object is it..

I was a "get married wearing a sack in a hole in the ground" type, so I'd have gone for a house deposit. A £30k wedding is my idea of hell. But, it sounds like you can afford both given your earnings, so if you want the wedding, and your DP wants the wedding... go for it.

My gran sent us £5000 for the wedding and said she hoped it would cover our costs - between her and friends' gifts we ended up £5500 in the black

Agree with crisp, you have the kind of money most people can only dream of. 30k on a wedding clearly isn't going to cause problems so do what you want.

Without wanting to wade into your finances, OP... But if you're taking home £8k net a month, your salary alone must be way into six figures, without taking your DP's into consideration, so surely the possible £20k deposit for a house in Surrey is a drop in the ocean?

Is this really AIBU to have a massive wedding because my future MIL wants me to?

Don't cancel it! It's far too close, have your lovely day. I hope this doesn't come across rudely but it doesn't sound like you will struggle to raise a deposit. Enjoy it and congratulations!

Fair enough, although they must be more than 'quite well off' if they can comfortable fork out for a £30k wedding. It would only sit comfortably with me if I knew for sure they weren't going without to fund something. I'd just go ahead with the wedding as you want and then just buy your own house.

Sorry crispbutty it's hard not to brag.

Are you getting married in Maui?

I think if the parents can afford and have offered to pay for the wedding, if you and your DP are esrnibg the sort of money which means you could probably get a deposit together quite quickly I'd have the wedding as planned. It is a lot if money but seems to be what an average wedding is these days. People who are ssyibf theirs was £4-5k - how long ago was that and also put it in the context of what a deposit was then too.

There are probsbly still things that could be scaled back and definitely don't commit the cardinal MN sin of lengthy expensive hen dos and stag dos abroad costing everyone rlse £££

what's with Brides these days?

It's like Maui was never even thought of.

Wow stubby fingers on iphone ^

My wedding cost under a grand last year Allthebest

Could you sort of compromise? Put the money from your parents towards your deposit and the money from his towards the wedding if he/they aren't on board and have a medium size wedding?

I don't earn quite as much as you, but even if I did and parents were contributing too, I still wouldn't pay £30k for a wedding. I honestly wouldn't enjoy it unless I was earning a hell of a lot more money and it felt more like £5k feels to you now. To me one day just isn't worth it.

30k a ?