Step daughter being unreasonable

[snoopy2016]

My SD has over the last few months been "borrowing" things from my DD but this weekend was the final straw she borrowed her Pandora bracelet and has lost it when she was out with friends, we searched everywhere she's been but it's gone. This is a precious to my DD as once of the charms was given to her by my mum who passed away on the 24th October this year. My DD is devastated and hates her at the moment, normally my SD will borrow things and we find them in her room but this time shes gone too far, my OH has offered to get her a new one and all her charms back and has grounded my SD for a month no TV phone nothing she has to be straight in for school, which to be honest there isn't a lot more he could do. She said she took it because DD gets more than her which isn't true I recently bought them both Pandora rings for doing really well at school tests (I promised I would if they got above their set grades) they both got a lot higher than their set grades. My SD said that it's because I left her out when we recently went to a concert, she was invited but only decided the night before she wanted to come and the tickets had all gone but this was planned months ago and she kept saying she didn't want to come. I have now put a lock on my daughters door but OH said I should take it off I am refusing, he said that no bedroom doors should have locks but I disagree if it keeps DD stuff safe then it's staying, he is arguing that SD has learnt her lesson but it was always petty stuff before but she knew what the bracelet meant to DD, am I wrong in this?

[Lilicat1013]

In case she did drop it while out it would be worth posting on your local area Facebook sites. My area has a memories site, a lost and found and many selling sites all of which often have things up about lost items.

Mention the sentimental value and hopefully people will look out for it for you.

[thatdearoctopus]

Bloody hell.

[Pillowaddict]

I agree with pp - you've spoken to her and out punishment in place through payment for charm and xmas shopping. The hot choc episode was cruel and it's highly unlikely she will change her behaviour if you do things like that when currently she clearly feels your dd is the favoured child.

[snoopy2016]

Bloody hell.

I know she didn't know if i was just keeping it from her or OH or what now I'm sat here thinking WTF do I do? I told him the month grounding should stand but am I wrong doing that?

[KneeQuestion]

Bless him he just made me and DD a hot chocolate and whipped cream SD asked where her's was is and he said the same place as the bracelet lol

Spiteful and will just feed into any feelings of persecution.

Do you want her behaviour to improve, or are you just looking for revenge?

If this is your level of pettiness then im not surprised you are having problems tbh.

[KneeQuestion]

cross post, that explains a lot.

[FurryLittleTwerp]

Blimey! I hope your DH can persuade the friend to relinquish your DD's bracelet.

You need a calm chat about not going off half-cocked.

The punishment has to stand.

[diddl]

What do you do?

I'd get the bracelet back & stick to the agreed punishments.

[Stinkingbagwash]

I wouldn't bother looking for it, my money would be on it having been flogged to a mate.

[Badcat666]

Flipping hell OP!!!

I think the grounding is still ok because she intentionally set out to hurt your DD and had planned how to do this.

I think a big hug is in order and a chat about why the grounding is still in place (but somehow I think you will be doing this already).

[Stinkingbagwash]

That or chucked over a hedge somewhere out of spite. Sounds like a bit of a cry for reassurance though. She needs her self esteem building.

[ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess]

Oh dear.... Well she still shouldn't have taken it, but at least you know the reasoning behind it. Can you get it back? I suppose she's been fretting for quite some time.

[RedHelenB]

Your dd needs a talking too about keeping secrets and then make sure you dont tell her any more!

Hope they get the bracelet back. I think a good family conference to air any grievances to talk about "borrowing" and to discuss locks on doors.

[cashmerecardigans]

Draw a line, it sounds as if she has been under a lot of stress for the last few months and if she acknowledges it was wrong and she knows how upset your DD was, I'd let it be. It's such a shame she feels she wouldn't be loved if there was another baby. Please try and keep it in perspective (and I speak as a stepmother who's DSS came to live with us at 13, so I do get how hard it is), and let some of the anger go.

[humblesims]

I think that you need to all calm down and then sit down together and talk it through and start again with a clean slate. She is obviously in the wrong but she's seen the consequences of her actions and this will be a big life lesson. Please dont drag out the punishment. Yes the grounding should stay in place but please dont put locks on the doors.

[diddl]

Yes I was also wondering why your daughter was talking to her friend about your friend's pregnancy.

The fact that SD overheard is irrelevant.

Did your friend tell your daughter or did you?

SD also needs to know that she can talk to someone about this stuff!

[snoopy2016]

I can't believe she thought we would keep something like that from her we have always been a very open family. When my OH's business wasn't doing very well last year we sat as a family and discussed it and explained that money would be a bit tighter. Everything we go through good or bad we discuss as a family. I'm just kind of glad they go to different schools so they will have a break away from each other tomorrow. OH said SD still had to pay for the charm out of her pocket money and the month grounding stands for lying to us all. He has also agreed the lock stays and in future if SD has a problem to talk to us, she has always had a good relationship with us even DD before the taking of stuff happened. I just need to talk DD down I know I probably haven't handled this as well as I should, the loss of the charm from my mum gutted me as we lost her to cancer last month after a 4 year battle and that clouded my judgement and OH's a bit too I think. I am still going to ring the school and see if they can give her counselling or something.

[HighwayDragon1]

Keep all the punishments, she lied and lied and lied. She's been spiteful and stolen. You might have a reason for the behaviour but you do not have an excuse.

[waterrat]

That hot chocolate story is horrible. No wonder she is unhappy.

[snoopy2016]

Yes I was also wondering why your daughter was talking to her friend about your friend's pregnancy.

The fact that SD overheard is irrelevant.

Did your friend tell your daughter or did you?

My friend told her and the friend she was talking to is a cousin of the one that's pregnant so knew about it, but they just said something along the lines of I'm so excited but it's so hard keeping it a secret.

[HeyOverHere]

Stop saying SD is "borrowing" DD's things. She is stealing them.

[whirliegig]

I would scrap the grounding and all the other punishments. A big family hug and a family chat would be best. And take the lock off the door ( buy dd a lockable jewellery box). Draw a line under it and start again.

[Happymumof3tobe]

The fact that it looks like she did it on purpose just shows she is spiteful and jealous. Keep the lock on the door.

[mydietstartsmonday]

I think there needs to be an amnesty. You can understand where your dSD is coming from. Get the bracelet back and call off all punishment. Tell her you love her and she is treated exactly the sames as your DD.

[HeyOverHere]

Bless him he just made me and DD a hot chocolate and whipped cream SD asked where her's was is and he said the same place as the bracelet lol I showed him the replies on here and he said OK the lock can stay

...and that's just low. I'm sorry, but while I agree with the lock, and I agree with reparations and repercussions, that's just mean.