Step daughter being unreasonable

[snoopy2016]

My SD has over the last few months been "borrowing" things from my DD but this weekend was the final straw she borrowed her Pandora bracelet and has lost it when she was out with friends, we searched everywhere she's been but it's gone. This is a precious to my DD as once of the charms was given to her by my mum who passed away on the 24th October this year. My DD is devastated and hates her at the moment, normally my SD will borrow things and we find them in her room but this time shes gone too far, my OH has offered to get her a new one and all her charms back and has grounded my SD for a month no TV phone nothing she has to be straight in for school, which to be honest there isn't a lot more he could do. She said she took it because DD gets more than her which isn't true I recently bought them both Pandora rings for doing really well at school tests (I promised I would if they got above their set grades) they both got a lot higher than their set grades. My SD said that it's because I left her out when we recently went to a concert, she was invited but only decided the night before she wanted to come and the tickets had all gone but this was planned months ago and she kept saying she didn't want to come. I have now put a lock on my daughters door but OH said I should take it off I am refusing, he said that no bedroom doors should have locks but I disagree if it keeps DD stuff safe then it's staying, he is arguing that SD has learnt her lesson but it was always petty stuff before but she knew what the bracelet meant to DD, am I wrong in this?

[Scooby20]

Well done OP.

You have done the right thing. Stay strong.

[inthenickoftime]

I agree with Annie. You e done the best thing for your daughter now and I think you should take the lead from her. If she wants nothing to do with SD then I would support her. But explain that you were a part of SDs life for a long time and that you would maybe like to spend some time with her in the future.

You've got an amazing strength op and I am completely in awe. You're a great mother (and ex step mother) you know what you're doing is right and just keep following your gut instinct.

[AnnieAnoniMouse]

You are going to be fine, better than fine 😊

I know the feeling of still loving them, even when they've been complete bastards, but your head HAS to rule your heart. I hope you'll get to the place where you can see that this split needs y be permanent.

I said it earlier, but I'll say it again, I really think that you need to remove yourself & DD from your SD's life. I don't think trying to build up a friendship/relationship going fwd is a good idea for any of you, not her, not your DD & not you. She needs impartial help from professionals and you've done all you can to get for her that (as for reporting it to SS, I'd ring the school at the end of the week & see what action they have taken, IF they say they can't discuss it then inform them that you will call SS & do it. This kid needs help & they might not provide it).. I know she's been in your life for a long time and despite her recent you do love her, but I truly believe it's a 'BE cruel to be kind' situation and you need to remove yourself from her life.

You're doing really well 💐

[snoopy2016]

I take after my dear mum we are made of strong stuff I had a long chat with DB today and it was a hard conversation I had to calm him down after telling him all what's been going on, he just kept saying he's a prick which I had to laugh at because he's not wrong. He and mum knew something was wrong as I had become really quiet and withdrawn I thought I was doing OK, but getting home tonight to peace and just pottering about doing bits of housework I realised I am going to be fine.

[ohfourfoxache]

Sounds like you've made fabulous progress

[HelenaDove]

Thats fab snoopy. You should be very proud of yourself. Youve done all you can for SD.


He will actually have to step up now.

[SVJAA]

Glad you've got all that sorted and your DD is ok OP.

[snoopy2016]

She's good bless her and the texts have stopped thank god, I expect them to start again once he has realised I have cancelled all his direct debits for his bills off my account and rang everyone to take my name off them too. I'm seeing a solicitor Friday about the house and where I stand.Life is quiet and peaceful atm thank god.

[HelenaDove]

Hope you and DD are ok today OP and the twunt has stopped harassing you.

[burblish]

Hi OP - how is your DD doing today?

[ThisThingCalledLife]

OP, i think you've handled all this amazingly.

It sounds like he's going to be difficult with you from now on, so you're doing the best thing by ignoring him.

I wouldn't converse with him re your share of the house - let you solicitor do that.
As for your share of the mortgage he's asking for - if it is due then i'd bank transfer it using 'mortgage' as a reference - just in case he tries to make out you never made mortgage payments.

[HelenaDove]

Your DDS stuff gets destroyed and he splashes out treats on his DD (the one who did it) and now is demanding money off you OP


Financially abusive cunt!

[scootinFun]

Op, did you pay for the replacement bracelet? If so, can you cancel the order? I think you done the right thing for you and your DD leaving this man.

[CanadaMoose]

Snoopy, your daughter is so fortunate to have such a devoted and caring mum. She has had a rough go, and so have you - don't blame yourself for any of this mess. You are doing a phenomenal job as a mother and stepmother, especially going above and beyond to make sure your troubled stepdaughter would have support when you made the hard decision to leave.

You deserve a damn medal.

[EZA15]

For what it's worth, I think you handled it really well. I also think it may be worth getting him to go through your brother going forwards.

[SoTheySentMeA]

You've really been through the mill! So sorry to hear about your mum. It's good that you still have her house to return to though, like she's still looking after you. Stay strong OP, now that you're away from the toxic situation it will be much easier to detach and see things a bit more clearly. All the best for you and your DD

[ohfourfoxache]

Jesus Christ

He really sounds like a top class cunt

[snoopy2016]

kali110
I did most of the day to day stuff for both of them until she turned nasty 4 months ago, it's going to sound petty but I got so fed up of her wreaking things I just drifted a bit and maybe took my eye off the ball, there has always been a problem when it came to discipline he always belittled me in that respect

magoria
I thought that too but it's his tough luck he can wait until I get paid and then he can live in poverty lol I shouldn't laugh but he's making his bed

[snoopy2016]

Now he wants to make sure he still gets your money.

I will pay it when I get paid DB said if he carries on he will ring him and tell him to go through him from now my DB always hated him my mum tolerated him and I thought I loved him no I'm lying i still do but time will heal

I don't normally go down this route but if he continues with "angry" messages I would consider calling the police.

DB has said he will step in if I want him to

[magoria]

if he was that worried about mortgage money perhaps he shouldn't have spent so much on superdry, lush etc and taken back the bracelet.

That would nearly be enough to pay my mortgage lol

[kali110]

If he's being nasty to you op then maybe you're now seeing his true colours.
Have you been doing the majority of looking after dsd?
Edp just there to buy her things?

[snoopy2016]

It really does sound like you've done everything you can for now.

Is her dad aware of how much you've done for her?

Looking back i don't think he cares, he is a fair weather parent if you know what I mean things were going well it was all that's my daughter when it came to everything else he sort of didn't bother

[BoneyBackJefferson]

snoopy

I don't normally go down this route but if he continues with "angry" messages I would consider calling the police.

[magoria]

I hope he is now your ExOH.

You DD deserves way better than to have to live a life with these double standards.

His DD needs help and a bloody lot of it.

As you have realised today, you have spent all day making sure his DD is getting help with hardly a thought for your DD who is going through a massive loss, your MH and being vindictively targeted.

You are doing the right thing staying away.

His true colours have always been there you just preferred not to look at them.

Now he wants to make sure he still gets your money.

[snoopy2016]

He's getting angry because he thought you would just come home after you'd calmed down.
Now he's realised you mean what you say.

I've realised that he's spitting venom at me he can carry on he can't ring as he's blocked so he can text all he likes I have stopped reading them now got 12 unread messages he will get the message eventually