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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inappropriate clothing

198 replies

Mymumiswatching · 26/11/2016 13:38

I've NC'd for this as no doubt my mum will read it.

My mother took my 7year old daughter out to buy a Christmas party dress but came home with a black mini skirt and a top bearing more skin that I'd feel comfortable with on a teenager. Apparently my mother had "no choice" but to buy it because the 7year old didn't like anything else.

AIBU to think she could have said no to what is an entirely inappropriate outfit for a 7year old child?its not like my dd would have died without getting an outfit today.

And why is it that most shops can't do nice party dresses for girls beyond the age of 5? Aside from John Lewis, where is there that does age appropriate party dresses that aren't designed to sexualise and objectify young girls or turn them into a disney princess?

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 28/11/2016 07:30

boob she probably will, that is what kids do, and I will approach it when the time comes, at the moment she is not. It's part and parcel of being a parent, your not their friend, it's up to you to parent how you see fit. Obviously judging on here, every parent gas different styles of parenting. Mabey she will challenge me, when she is old enough to have more autonomy. I do allow her to choose what she wears with a reason, yes when she goes out people will stare and judge, that's what happens. More so I want her to wear clothes appropriate to her age, and not to look old before her time. She has plenty of time for that. I think as I said previously, we will have to agree to disagree I am afraid!

Booboostwo · 28/11/2016 10:27

New can agree to disagree but it's still important to know what we disagree on. I do not let me DD wear what she wants because I am her cool friend letting her do whatever she wants rather than her sensible parent making tough decisions. I am her educator and finding ways to help her develop her character is my most important role. I want her to be able to become a responsible, clear thinking adult and the only way to make good choices in the future is to get her used to making choices now in the areas that she can make choices. Clothes will not make her look like a slut, or older in a problematic way, or attract sexual attention, or make people cat call her, or whatever else. If these things happen they are the fault of the people doing them, not of the clothes or of my DD's choice in clothes.

Trifleorbust · 28/11/2016 10:49

TheSparrowhawk: Right... I don't plan to let my kids walk round naked in public either. I understand it shouldn't matter what paedophiles are thinking but common sense tells me I don't want them attracting that sort of attention iyswim.

Aeroflotgirl · 28/11/2016 11:03

Boob that's up to you, and that's YOUR interpretation, not everyone will think that way. You choose what to do with your dd, and I will with mine. It does not mean she will not be an independent free thinking adult, because I have put a stop to a few items that I deemed inappropriate for her as a young child. I see that as being a parent, and doing what parents do, as you have to understand that they are still kids as well and cannot make sensible informed decisions. its my role to guide them, and When they are older they can wear the bloody hell they want.

Aeroflotgirl · 28/11/2016 11:07

so yes if dd picked something like this

or

It will be a no, obviously it is designed for an adult, and has no place on a child. I would not have them walking down the street looking like that. Obviously its up to you if you want to do that with your own dd, but with mine no.

Aeroflotgirl · 28/11/2016 11:09

sorry link fail this

Aeroflotgirl · 28/11/2016 11:14

sorry links failing everywhere

or this

Aeroflotgirl · 28/11/2016 11:15

Erm having technical difficulties Blush. Its Monday morning what should I expect Wink

Aeroflotgirl · 28/11/2016 11:19

Some clothes aren't designed for kids, though they might make mini versions. If my dd chose something like this, it wod be an outright no.

TheSparrowhawk · 28/11/2016 11:28

'Right... I don't plan to let my kids walk round naked in public either. I understand it shouldn't matter what paedophiles are thinking but common sense tells me I don't want them attracting that sort of attention iyswim.'

No I don't see what you mean Trifle. Do you believe that it's what a child wears that causes them to be abused?

TheSparrowhawk · 28/11/2016 11:29

Aeroflot - the red top wouldn't stay on a child as they don't have boobs, they'd need straps, but other than that I can't see much wrong with it, and the shorts are just shorts - what on earth is wrong with them???

Trifleorbust · 28/11/2016 11:36

TheSparrowhawk: Nearly caught me in your clever web of words there Wink

No.

I think I am not obliged to put my child in a position where people who like to look at small children in skimpy clothes can do so. So why would I? There is plenty of time for my child to wear skimpy clothes when she is older and it is no longer any of my business what she wears or who looks at her. Whilst she is a child, however, it's both my job and my choice what she wears, so she won't be going out in clothes designed for much older teens or adults.

TheSparrowhawk · 28/11/2016 11:43

What about people who like to look at small children in swimsuits? Or people who like to look at small children in school uniform? Or people who like to look at small children in football gear?

The idea that restricting what children wear somehow protects them is bonkers.

Trifleorbust · 28/11/2016 11:48

TheSparrowhawk: No, what's bonkers is the idea that it never protects them. Of course there are situations where they need to wear less for swimming or dance or whatever they want to be doing. As always it's my job to weigh up risks and make sure my child's interests are protected. If there is no benefit to her wearing a particular outfit and another would do just as well, I don't see why I would choose or let her choose the one that may place her at risk.

TheSparrowhawk · 28/11/2016 11:50

So you do believe that what a child wears causes them to be abused?

Aeroflotgirl · 28/11/2016 11:57

That's because they are for an adult and totally inappropriate for a young child. Sorry they are! I personally would not allow dd to go out like that, it's horrid. I am glad most people would think the same way, you get a few like on here who think it's fine. Each to their own and all that. If you allow your dd to wear that, it's up to you. It's a matter of taste and parenting style.

TheSparrowhawk · 28/11/2016 11:58

Shorts are inappropriate for a child? WTF?

Aeroflotgirl · 28/11/2016 12:11

Those type of shorts sparrow, those ones. Look as I have said previously, I will beg to differ with you and boob, as we have totally different outlooks and parenting styles.

TheSparrowhawk · 28/11/2016 12:13

Yes, very different. I don't believe a child has to cover their legs. Do you allow your child to wear a swimsuit?

TheSparrowhawk · 28/11/2016 12:15

These are standard M and S shorts: www.marksandspencer.com/cotton-rich-denim-shorts-3-14-years-/p/p22472985?image=SD_04_T74_3147E_HP_X_EC_90&color=DENIM&prevPage=plp&pdpredirect

Do you find them 'inappropriate'?

Trifleorbust · 28/11/2016 12:22

TheSparrowhawk: No. I believe the abuser causes it. I believe the parent can be guilty of not doing all in their power to prevent it. It is my job to protect my child - ask anyone you like.

There really appears to be no reasoning with you so I will back out of this now.

TheSparrowhawk · 28/11/2016 12:32

'No. I believe the abuser causes it. I believe the parent can be guilty of not doing all in their power to prevent it. It is my job to protect my child - ask anyone you like.'

I am entirely aware that it is a parent's job to protect their child. If it's your belief that wearing certain clothes could cause your child to be abused (which IMO is totally nuts) then I can see why you prevent them from wearing certain clothes. You should be aware though that clothes will not protect your child from abuse.

TheSparrowhawk · 28/11/2016 12:34

You should also be aware that parents whose children are abused aren't guilty of anything unless they've actively facilitated the abuse. Suggesting that parents can be guilty of not preventing abuse because of what their children wear is so absolutely mindbogglingly horrific I don't even know how to address it.

TheSparrowhawk · 28/11/2016 12:35

I would be curious to know if any of the parents who believe certain clothes prevent abuse are in favour of having children wear headscarves, long sleeves and long dresses/trousers at all times? At what point do clothes begin to invite abuse?

Trifleorbust · 28/11/2016 12:37

TheSparrowhawk: As I said before, there seems to be no reasoning with you and you seem intent on taking the most extreme position available to you. I think that's your issue to be honest so again, I am going to leave it there.