Inappropriate clothing

[Mymumiswatching]

I've NC'd for this as no doubt my mum will read it.

My mother took my 7year old daughter out to buy a Christmas party dress but came home with a black mini skirt and a top bearing more skin that I'd feel comfortable with on a teenager. Apparently my mother had "no choice" but to buy it because the 7year old didn't like anything else.

AIBU to think she could have said no to what is an entirely inappropriate outfit for a 7year old child?its not like my dd would have died without getting an outfit today.

And why is it that most shops can't do nice party dresses for girls beyond the age of 5? Aside from John Lewis, where is there that does age appropriate party dresses that aren't designed to sexualise and objectify young girls or turn them into a disney princess?

I find myself agreeing with Boo tbh. Children's skin isnt sexual, therefore their clothes cant be sexual. Do people really think that children in a kids bikini is sexual and they are showing too much skin? That tells me more about the adult viewer than the child.

My dd aged 12 wears crop tops and tiny shorts - she's a dancer and those clothes make her feel comfortable. I won't have her ashamed of her body because of what random men might think.

Agreed. Or often it seems, women also judging them.

Is this a parallel universe? I must be a massive prude. I wouldn't let my daughter dress up like Pretty Woman. I'm not smart enough to explain why I wouldn't let her mimic a fictitious prostitute's garb. It just doesn't feel appropriate. Is appropriateness out now then? I wouldn't dress my son in mini-adult clothes either come to that because childhood and fun. But that's just my opinion and, like bumholes, everyone has one.

Also, you'll catch your death in that. Put on a nice cardi.

Name I did read far too much into your post and misunderstood it, sorry. I like babygrows on babies rather than 'proper' clothes but this is just an arbitrary personal preference (and convenience) rather than a judgment of appropriateness.

BadKnee it depends entirely where you work, bondage gear would be fine in some work environments and suits do not in themselves signal readiness to work, e.g. see academics who often dress very casually or eccentrically. And this is the whole point, i.e. clothing in itself does not signal anything, it is the intentions of the wearer and children are not sexual beings so they cannot signal sexual intentions.

NeepNeepNeep I was not asked about dressing up as Pretty Woman, I was asked about the clothes in the photo. The clothes are fine in themselves, a matter of personal taste. They are something I would have worn at 20 but not at 40 due to personal preference. Dressing up as a well known fictional prostitute is a different matter - that I would have a problem with but there it is not the clothes that are the matter but the direct association with prostitution. The OP's DD did not pick out an outfit directly associated with a prostitute or an outfit with images of penises on it, she picked out a short skirt and cropped top, nothing prostitute like about the clothes themselves.

DD(10) looked super in a mickey mouse crop top.

She looked awful I'm some of the crop tops she would have liked to wear.

She had handed me down some that looked great on her cousins but awful on her.

I have bought her some quite grown up clothes but they lookeep right on her and totally appropriate.

Same amount of flesh on show but one was appropriate and the other wasn't. Same clothing looked right on one child awful on mine. Vice versa too

I'm not sure it stands up to analyse but it has always been really simple to me. You look appropriate to the event you are attending and who you are as a person.

Funny also how no one is talkind about DSs on this thread. Do those of you with concerns about your DDs feel the same way about your DSs clothing? Should DSs avoid sexualised shorts in favour of appropriate trousers?

I have 2 sons and the only vaguely sexualised clothing I've ever seen when shopping fir them is the 'lock up your daughters' logo t-shirt, which has the '= future sex offender' subtext. Everything else is roomy and gives good coverage, modest if you like. Buying for my neice is a whole other ball game: bunny girl branding, skimpy dresses and shorts, bodycon/clingy outfits, dodgy logo t-shirts etc. of all the shops, H&M seems to have the modt pronounced. Madonna/whore thing going on with its girlswear. Some of its party dresses would look edgy on a 20 year old, let slone a 10 year old. I think the OPs point is valid.

Genuine question. Is there no such thing, then, as styles for adults and styles for children?

Should children wear clothes that are appropriate to being a child or participating in the continuous event of childhood?

For me it isn't about flesh or the amount of covering per se, it is the nature of the clothes that worry me. A mickey mouse crop top for example is child's clothing, but more and more we see children's clothing (whether it is daisy dukes, crop top, or those jumpers -with- the- shoulders- missing etc) as an exact replica of the adult version. Why?

Don't even get me started on the slogans on some of the children's clothing. I stopped going into Primark years ago as I was so horrified at some of the stuff they were selling.

I've recently discovered m&co which I think my dd will like and I'm happy with. Sadly she stands. Out like a sore thumb round here in boden and monsoon (under 6 it's fine but she's 8).

It doesn't matter whether she should have given in to your daughter's wishes and bought the outfit because you're not going to let her wear it, are you?

Have you told your mum that it's unsuitable?

Sorry I don't want my young chd dressing like a hooker, and it's my right to veto that! Yes they are children for a short window of time, they have the rest of their life to dress as they please. Some weird ideas on here.

With regard to boys clothes, the most risky I've seen is a pair of chinos, and a t shirt, there isent that sexualised nature to clothing for boys, than you find with girls. You can get some lovely grown up type clothing for 8 year, olds without them looking cheap and easy. My dd went to Malta in the summer, and was fine in shorts and a vest tank top, there was no need for her to walk round with those daisy dukes, and a belly top!

H&M and M&Co ranges are fantastic for the pre- teen to teen age group. Also New Look.

I used to wear short shorts, cropped tops and rara skirts in the early 80s as a young child, teamed with a pair of adidas trainers. I can't see as it stopped me playing football, riding my bike or roller skating.

When I did get sexual comments from men and boys, from the age of 12 or so, I was usually wearing baggy, grungy and more unisex clothing and clumpy shoes that was fashionable at the time. Or school uniform.

Some of the stuff in H&M are good, was very about the summer ranges. Its not that flesh is on show, obviously in the summer and when swimming it will be, its the type of clothing.

Totally agree. Wait until she gets to 9, all decent clothing stops and you are offered tarty clothing .

I waited a while to respond to this.

Can I just point out I didn't say she wore a crop top but a top that showed more skin that I'm comfortable with. I have no issues with cute age appropriate crop tops. It was a fitted at front shoulderless and backless top in kids age 10-11 -so clearly designed for a child to wear but far more suitable for late teens or early 20s.,

I've thought a lot about the response and I'm not sure I can articulate well enough what I'm trying to say. It's not a female misogyny issue at all.

My reaction was nothing to do with body shaming or as some have hinted at victim blaming. Of course people shouldn't be objectified or assaulted for wearing revealing clothes but as quite a few have nodded to, my problem is with age appropriateness. A 17 year old teenager wearing a revealing backless & shoulderless top is more acceptable than a seven year old child. A teenager should be in a better position to understand societal reactions both positive and negative than a seven year old. As a parent I feel a responsibility to shelter my dd from inappropriate comments and behaviour for as long as possible and teaching her when it is more appropriate how to deal with unwanted behaviours etc herself. Seven is not an appropriate age for that. she has always looked older than her age and has been expected by society to deal with issues in advance of her years since she was a toddler. I'd rather she was protected from catcalls and inappropriate comments for a while yet. Started at 12for me and I looked young for my age.

I don't think it's a feminist issue to want a child who has essentially an androgynous body to look like a child and not to impose what society (rightly or wrongly) deems sexualised clothing upon a child. Doesn't really matter how the child thinks about the clothes, we cannot control how others will think or react to clothing. Is it right that women have to consider how someone may react to their clothing? Of course not - but is it realistic that there are people in society who don't give a fuck about what is right or proper behaviour towards women or girls? Sadly yes.

The longer I can shelter her from people objectifying her the better. She may not understand the sexual nature of more revealing clothes at seven but there are plenty who do and have no issue with vocalising that.

I don't think your daughter will be at any more danger from paedophiles in her granny's racy outfit than in ankle socks and a party dress from John Lewis OP. I'm no expert, but I understand that paedophiles are fixated on a particular age group. It doesn't matter what the child is wearing. If they are in that band, they are at risk.

Far more likely is that your child will be judged by people, generally women, who disapprove of the kind of outfit your mum has bought her. Most of them will decide that it's you that's at fault and you are a terrible mum. They are people like you.

That's not to blame you, I might think it's a bloody hideous outfit too. But then I wouldn't let her wear it and if my mum asked why I'd explain and ask her not to buy that kind of thing for her again. Have you done that?

How did your mum deal with your own age inappropriate demands when you were growing up? We all make them

Fucking hell aeroflotgirl, do you genuinely think 8 year olds can look 'cheap and easy'???

Do you believe that clothes are the cause of abuse/objectification Mymum?

I agree with limited btw - that this thing about 'protecting childhood' is total and utter bollocks. If you were really protecting her you'd say 'you're a child, of course you can wear what you like.' Instead the message you're sending is that she is not free to wear what she likes - she must dress according to the belief of others that a child is a sexual being.

She may not understand the sexual nature of more revealing clothes at seven but there are plenty who do and have no issue with vocalising that.

If people want to vocalise their views to me that what my daughters are wearing "sexual" clothing then that's fine by me. They should prepare themselves for some strong vocalisation in response, however.

Don't be so silly sparrow, but those outfit is cheap and easy and has no place in a child. I want my 7 year d to dress in an age appropriate outfit, not an adult outfit designed for an adult to wear, and miniaturised for a child.

It would be unlikely for a seven year old to be subjected to cat calls no matter what she was wearing. Tuts, possibly but aimed at the mother and mostly by women.

But once beyond 13, girls are subjected to cat calls from males no matter what they are wearing. That's objectification OP.

Both are damaging but you should differentiate between the two and accept the damage that women do in policing the appearance of other females and their guardians.

You can get some lovely grown up type clothing for 8 year, olds without them looking cheap and easy.

What's 'grown up clothing' when you're eight? What's 'cheap and easy' at the same age?

For me, eight is definitely a child. Everyone can see that, can't they? Or do I have special powers?

There's definitely not the ambiguity of people saying 'she's 14 but looks 18'. I'm not even sure of that. When you look into someone's face and eyes, and particularly when you talk to them, you can roughly decide whether someone is 14 or 18.

Not that all 18 year olds are sophisticated enough to repel creeps. I certainly wasn't but luckily managed to muddle through.

I think it's a veiled class issue again.

There are naice 'middle class poppet' clothes in all the main stores including, Asda, Tesco and Primark....and as for John Lewis, they have a pair of 'Daisy Dukes' on their girls wear home page FGS....but that's ok because they are from JL

FWIW I think kids should be free to wear whatever they like, free from judgement.