Inappropriate clothing

[Mymumiswatching]

I've NC'd for this as no doubt my mum will read it.

My mother took my 7year old daughter out to buy a Christmas party dress but came home with a black mini skirt and a top bearing more skin that I'd feel comfortable with on a teenager. Apparently my mother had "no choice" but to buy it because the 7year old didn't like anything else.

AIBU to think she could have said no to what is an entirely inappropriate outfit for a 7year old child?its not like my dd would have died without getting an outfit today.

And why is it that most shops can't do nice party dresses for girls beyond the age of 5? Aside from John Lewis, where is there that does age appropriate party dresses that aren't designed to sexualise and objectify young girls or turn them into a disney princess?

Nope, no circular argument. My argument is entirely linear - clothes do not cause or contribute to abuse in any way.

Again, we simply disagree. I accept that that is your view. It isn't mine. I have explained that I think clothing choices can make a person appear vulnerable and that this can be a factor in an abuser's decision to target them, so please accept that we simply differ on this.

I never said I didn't accept it

Great, then we're both happy.

Just incase ive missed a description along the line somewhere (in the midst of the toing and froing about how other mothers viewing you as a bad mother means your children are at risk from set offenders)

By inappropriate what exactly do you mean?

Inappropriate for the weather - I can understand that one.
Inappropriate for the occasion - I kinda understand that one

What I don't understand is when people go on about inappropriate because they sexualise children - that is fucked up. Seriously fucked up. They are children, a child wearing a short skirt is just a child wearing a short skirt there is nothing sexualised what so ever about it. and it's quite frightening just how many grown women think that it's ok to decide that children wearing a short skirt may be sexy it's one of the most grotesque things ive read on here.

My daughter is 8 nut is so tall and skinny.

She looks amazing in body con stuff and her favourite outfit is a pencil knee length skirt with faux rubber trim and then a high necked tight crop top. She looks so grown up and amazing in it. She is a gymnast too and wears cropped shorts and cropped tops a lot for that she does cheerleading aswell.

We have taught her to dress classy and not tarty and she usually balances it with a lo g cardi or something g like that when she is out with us.

We have given her a bit more reign this year with her outfits but do still call a few shots

Have problems with shorts as her waist is the size of 5-6 (we know this as she wore some of my sons trouser and we just thought they were cropped until late at night!!!)

All I say is give her a bit of reign with clothes but work with her and guide her for comrpmises as required. Ie put trousers with the tip bot skirt or shorts or a linger top with the shorts or tights.

Tbh we have got my daughter into karate so she knows how to handle herself but she is confident in how she looks and knows where not to push it.

She looks so grown up and amazing in it

But she's not grown up.

Trifleorburts ok I'll elaborate on why it seems silly to me:
In the unlikely event your DC comes across a paedophile who thinks 'I have to chose between T's DC and another DC' you think the paedophile will chose the child which is exposing more skin. You also think this is because this child is more vulnerable. Here you equivocate in your understanding of 'vulnerable' moving from 'showing skin' to 'more likely to attract sexual attention' to 'more likely to be perceived by paedophiles as an easy victim'.

All this is rather silly because paedophiles do not chose between children on those grounds. They are not attracted by different children because they show more skin, they are not attracted by particular children because they perceive them as more slutty and they focus on more obvious vulnerabilities like access, opportunity, and DCs that are abused or neglected and less likely to speak out or be heard.

Mummyrowland assuming a child can dress tarty is exactly the problem some people are raising with this thread. The term doesn't apply to children, who are not sexual beings, and is rude when applied to women as it judges how they want to express their sexuality. As it is not usually applied to men, it is also sexist.

Hecantbeserious - j know she isn't grown up at this age but she is experimenting with looks and she's not one for frilly dresses etc so I'm allowing her to experiment. She's still more than happy in character t shirts and jeans or stuff like that bhtbob the odd special occasion she likes to wear stuff like this and yes she does look older but it's a more elegant sophiauticated look that she then has rather than anything else.

Booboosttwo- perhaps tarty isn't the right work but I'll be honest when I see what some young girls are wear all the time you can think now I see why some people do get into trouble thinking kids are older than they are and such. I wouldn't let my daughter out currently all the time in outfits as described but occasions where she is with me and 'safe' I'm happy for it.

It's harder for boys at this age to be deemed as 'sexy' I more see that as tight jeans and ripped muscles which most pre teens just don't have the physique

All I can say is that your explanation makes things even worse in my view. Now adults are justified in seeing children as sexual objects because their clothes make them seem older than their age and the onus is on parents to dress kids younger to make sure other adults 'don't get into trouble'.

'I'll be honest when I see what some young girls are wear all the time you can think now I see why some people do get into trouble thinking kids are older than they are and such.'

WTF??? Are you actually saying that you can see why adults rape children? And are you saying that adults rape children because the children fool them? Are you actually saying that?

No I'm sorry didn't explain myself thet more meant how people could see kids as older as they Ar i.e. Believing them when they say they are 18 etc and then having consenting sexual relations to only later fivs out they were under age

Of course rape isn't acceptable no matter age style or anything

So you do believe that children (ie people under 16/18) fool adults into having sex with them?

Yes I do!

TBH I have seen it with my own eyes where a friend convinced someone they were 18 when she was 16. He was 21. She thought there was nothing wrong. We did try to convince her otherwise but what can you do. Also you get plenty of people going into pubs and clubs earlier than 18 (I think I was 15-16 when I went!) there is potential for anything to happen there which could be considered ilegal as they are under age - yes might be consensual and it's wrong for def if not but it's a deliberate effort to portray yourself older so there is scope for relationships to start based on the assumption either party is over the age of consent when they aren't.

'TBH I have seen it with my own eyes where a friend convinced someone they were 18 when she was 16. He was 21. She thought there was nothing wrong. We did try to convince her otherwise but what can you do. Also you get plenty of people going into pubs and clubs earlier than 18 (I think I was 15-16 when I went!) there is potential for anything to happen there which could be considered ilegal as they are under age - yes might be consensual and it's wrong for def if not but it's a deliberate effort to portray yourself older so there is scope for relationships to start based on the assumption either party is over the age of consent when they aren't.'

Right, and so in that case the person at fault is the raped person, the child, rather than the adult? Isn't it the adult's duty to be sure of the person's age before they have sex with them?

sparrowhawk Do you have nothing better to do? You've already got one thread closed down with your incessant arguing. Say your piece and move on, it's not your show!

That is what bothers you about this thread Chopstick?! A thread with saddening misogynistic attitudes which are taught to children and you mind that someone is challenging them?

Thanks for your fantastic contribution to the thread chopstick

Sparrowhawk at what point did I ever say tape was the person being raped fault? All I was saying on that statement is that girls (and boys) do dress older and do get into relationships etc with older partners and sometimes are not truthful! The older partner has then the potential to get into trouble. With my friend the guy asked how old she was and she even showed him fake Id when they first met (she said it was her birthday and he wanted proof before getting her a few drinks as a present!) - what's he to do? Trace her birth certificate???

And In fact I said it was def wrong if not consensual!

Even if we accept all that and hold a child responsible for lying it still doesn't apply to 7os. There is no reason 7os have to dress 'young' (which I still don't have a handle on as a concept) to avoid being assumed older than they are, and therefore the proper objects of sexual attraction. And some of the behaviours feared in this thread like cat-calling are not appropriate towards any woman of whatever age anyway.