Inappropriate clothing

[Mymumiswatching]

I've NC'd for this as no doubt my mum will read it.

My mother took my 7year old daughter out to buy a Christmas party dress but came home with a black mini skirt and a top bearing more skin that I'd feel comfortable with on a teenager. Apparently my mother had "no choice" but to buy it because the 7year old didn't like anything else.

AIBU to think she could have said no to what is an entirely inappropriate outfit for a 7year old child?its not like my dd would have died without getting an outfit today.

And why is it that most shops can't do nice party dresses for girls beyond the age of 5? Aside from John Lewis, where is there that does age appropriate party dresses that aren't designed to sexualise and objectify young girls or turn them into a disney princess?

So it's important in your mind that a child shows her 'natural beauty' Beau, regardless of whether that's what she wants?

Aeroflot, it doesn't matter if the clothes children wear would be 'alluring and attractive' on an adult, they're still children. Unless you think the fact that that the clothes would be alluring and attractive on an adult says something about the child?

I have never struggled to find age appreciate stuff in h&m (or any other high Street shop), in fact quite the opposite. They have quite a lot of sweet dresses for ages 8-14. I'm always really surprised by these threads! This isn't exactly a sophisticated teen style dress is it?! m2.hm.com/m/en_gb/productpage.0441117001.genericdevice.html

Aeroflot what do you say to your DD when you forbid her to buy certain clothes? And for the sake of brevity let's say she then asks "Why are they not appropriate?" and you want to give a more thoughtful answer than "Because I said so". You surely don't say "Because you look like a slut" or "Because you must avoid attracting the sexual attention of men" or....i don't know really how to justify this without sounding awful.

And yes of course helping a young person develop into the kind of confident adult that is more likely to avoid abusive relationships is a complex issue...which is exactly why every little helps.

I never said it was important, but isn't make up to help you look better (in your own mind) than you do naturally? If it's not doing that then why would you wear it? That's just the impression that I get. And we're talking about 7yr children.
It's not my business how other people dress their kids, but natural, age appropriate and comfortable is what I want for my girls at this age.
Of course someone will be along spouting about freedom of expression and all that but in RL it's very rare to see kids of this age dressed up and made up like we're talking about here, so it's not like it's minority opinion is it?

There's a lifetime ahead for Scouse brow, orange lines, mascara and grown up clothes, Im all for expressing yourself when you're old enough to understand what you want to express, in the meantime they are children who sometimes need to be told no sorry you aren't old enough for that!
My dd isn't interested in how she looks, but she's mad for the computer/ tablet, I have to limit her screen time just like some parents choose to draw a line at particular clothing/make up.

She's wearing it because she wants to, clearly. Your judgement of whether she looks 'better' doesn't matter to her.

Limiting screen time is to protect children against obesity, etc what are you protecting them against by preventing them from wearing certain clothes?

boob I just say, no, let's choose something else! How about this or this? Let's look over there! no need for drama or anything else.

sparrow because they are not suitable or designed for chikdren and do not look right.

Or were online, and there is a page of kids tops for example, i allow her choice of which one she likes, or shorts, if they are not appropriate, I will say no, how about this or this. I've had no problems or issues to date, I thought most parents do this.

If they are in a child's size then they are for children. Saying they don't look 'right' I'd totally meaningless.

Well doh, does not mean they are suitable for children to wear does it!

You're still not saying exactly why they're not suitable though, except that yo don't think it's 'right'

I've already explained, I think will agree to disagree or we will go round in circles!

Fair enough

I love Boden but my 8 yr old is not keen either. Recently brought a lovely grey embroidered dress from Next - she is a small age 8 but some of their dresses went up to age 13 and they were tasteful but not babyish and certainly covered everything necessary! I would take the clothes back you can't let her wear them!

Yes you're right, but I am protecting them from other people's sneers and hurtful comments. And from looking like a twat! You might not like it but it is reality. Regardless of the reasons she wants to wear it, the make up can't be doing her sensitive young skin any good can it?
I feel the same about any inappropriate clothing btw not just grown up stuff, if she tried going out in wellies and a party dress to a restaurant it'd be a no from me.
Children of this age can usually be cajoled into wearing something less controversial with no ill effects.
Age appropriate works both ways too, I don't want to see a senior citizen in clothing meant for a 20 something and I'll tell my friends that when we're that old, The only difference is I'll have no control over that!

lessthanBeau I'm confused. Is the gorgeous person seven or a teenager?

I'd find a seven year old plastering on orange foundation a bit strange and would try to have a word. Do you know of a seven year old who does that? I'd guess that she is unusual.

However, I'd find it completely normal for a 14 year old. I did it. I wouldn't describe myself as gorgeous but I now know that I didn't need it.

Yes the gorgeous girl is 7.

Then that's strange lessthanBeau

You may not want to see a 'senior citizen' in clothing meant for a 20 year old but no one really gives a fuck what you want.

YANBU, dreading this as my dd's get older. I often buy clothes as Xmas/birthday presents for younger cousins in the family and some of the girls clothes from around 7/8+ are ridiculous whereas the boys section is generally a lot more sensible and 'kid friendly'. I don't get it.

I find sainsburys have quite a good range at a decent price though.

If your dd is big and has to try on loads of clothes, it's probably better for you not to allow her to go shopping with anyone else until she's older. I remember horrible shopping trips with gran forcing me to try on horrible clothes or clothes she knew would be too small on me, making comments on me being fussy (or worse saying things like it'd be much easier if I could fit into clothes for my age group). Your daughter probably said she liked the first thing that fit her properly.

lessthanbeau loads of ideas there, take them one by one:
'Protecting from sneers': if your DD comes across bullies teaching her to conform to avoid being picked on is the wrong strategy. Teach her to be herself and support her by addressing the bullying with her teachers, the parents of the friends who are doing it, etc. as appropriate. If she is sneered at by strangers for the way she looks teach her that some people are rude and unkind, they are beneath her and hold your head up high next to her.

Looking like a twat: does she really need protecting from this? She may be a trend setter, she may be more aware of fashion trends than you, she may not mind looking silly. My DD matches patters with stripes with dots with tiaras...not what I would choose but not my problem either.

Makeup damages skin: this one I am with you. If clothing damages health then this has to be taken into consideration. My DD has to wear her insoles she doesn't get a choice over that.

No weeklies and party dress: why ever not? This I find unnecessarily controlling and exactly the kind of thing that sends the message that others have control over her body for arbitrary and unexplained reasons.

Senior citizen: this one's just offensive. What bothers you about senior skin that it must be covered up? How many wrinkles and liver spots can someone have before we throw a sheet over their head?

Aeroflot your DD will challenge you one day and if don't have an answer (you need to give a justificatory reason not repeat the same Indeterminate evaluation - it's like saying "Why don't you allow X?" "Because it is impermissible"). The less you answer the more you are telling her that others have control over her for whimsical reasons and this is Ok.

I think we tie ourselves in knots too much trying to be PC about these issues. Revealing clothes on 7 year olds are usually inappropriate because they may sexualise them and they're only little children. I wouldn't feel the need to explain that to my 7 year old; she doesn't need to worry about it yet. She can have the explanation later when she is old enough to understand what 'inappropriate' means without me having to explain the subtleties involved: leches, prudes, peers etc. For now, "Because I said so" will have to do.

Dressing your kids based on what leches think is very odd IMO.