Inappropriate clothing

[Mymumiswatching]

I've NC'd for this as no doubt my mum will read it.

My mother took my 7year old daughter out to buy a Christmas party dress but came home with a black mini skirt and a top bearing more skin that I'd feel comfortable with on a teenager. Apparently my mother had "no choice" but to buy it because the 7year old didn't like anything else.

AIBU to think she could have said no to what is an entirely inappropriate outfit for a 7year old child?its not like my dd would have died without getting an outfit today.

And why is it that most shops can't do nice party dresses for girls beyond the age of 5? Aside from John Lewis, where is there that does age appropriate party dresses that aren't designed to sexualise and objectify young girls or turn them into a disney princess?

I actually agree with the other booboo to a point. They have chosen the outfit completely innocently. Also joules do some nice dresses that are a bit more grown up but not at all adult same as gap. I mostly shop between the 2 for my dd's age nearly 7 and 3

Designer at Debenhams do some really pretty swirly dresses.

Also try River Island. New one opened near us and the children's stuff was a revelation. Stylish without having any of the urghhh "sexy" factor that so many of the others get wrong.

I have an 8 year old who is a big 8, I bought her some bits from the kylie range in M and Co. They have some lovely pretty party ( cold shoulder type) tops and grown up styles without being revealing. Same for trousers though I'd recommend somewhere like peacocks for jeans/leggings if your DD has a very slim waist. Admittedly mine won't wear them because if she's not in a hoodie and trackies bottoms then she feels uncomfortable, but they are lovely and a good compromise.

Sainsburys do "party dresses" up to age 12. I've never had a problem getting clothes for my dds (11, 9 & 5). Funny enough I was in H&M yesterday and bought loads for my 9 year old - but she wears a lot of thin knitted hoodies, leggings, skater dresses. She gets lots from H&M Conscious range.

Aeroflot well yes a short skirt and crop top are perfectly appropriate for a 7 yo. What is it about a 7yos legs and tummy that makes them inappropriate to be seen by others in this context?

Because it's winter?

Rubbish! This thread is not full of worries that the DD will feel cold! She can wear tights and a coat if that's what all these worries of inappropriateness are about.

Gap, Boden (maybe Johnny b if she's fitting 10 year old clothes & finds Mini too babyish?), M&S are all fine for girls that age! Not a crop top in sight! I hate seeing girls dressed up like 20 year olds - it makes me sad

boob do you even have to ask, because it's inappropriate clothing for a child, it's adult sexualised clothing eye roll emotion.

Well yes you do have to answer Aeroflotgirl otherwise anyone could call any kind of clothing inappropriate.

Why do you think a short skirt is sexualised per se? How short does it have to be before it's a problem? Should 7yos 'expose' their ankles? Their knees? Or are the upper thighs a problem?

An item of clothing is not sexualised in itself unless it depicts sexual acts. My 5yo insists on wearing the top part of her bikini but that doesn't suddenly make her a sexual being. She is not aware of herself as a sexual being, she does not relate to others in a sexual way nor does she intend for her clothes to have that effect. Might there be someone out there who views this piece of clothing in a way that arouses them sexually? Sure, but plenty more people will be sexually aroused by shoes and we don't stop wearing those nor do we think the wearing of shoes is inappropriate because someone finds them sexy.

Roll your eyes as much as you like but it doesn't advance any kind of argument.

Actually I think it's all about signalling. If you do not permit your child to wear exposing inappropriate clothing, then you are signalling that you are protective of your child's childhood. If you permit your child to wear more "adult" clothing that is signalling that you are not concerned about your child growing up quickly
I haven't explained it well, but Hopefully you get what I mean.

My DD is 9 and would verge on the appropriate side if I let her decide. No way I would let her wear whatever she wanted..

Name signaling that you are not protecting your child's childhood? Well that one is the most disturbing so far. What else can clothes choices signal? 'Rape me' says my short skirt? 'This child is a sexual object' says the crop top? 'My parents don't care' say the high heels?

Clothes can only signal parental neglect when they form part of parental neglect, e.g. extremely dirty, torn clothes, or clothes grossly insufficient for the weather. And even then they don't prove parental neglect, they are a possible warning sign.

Funny also how no one is talkind about DSs on this thread. Do those of you with concerns about your DDs feel the same way about your DSs clothing? Should DSs avoid sexualised shorts in favour of appropriate trousers?

My dd is 6 but wears age 9-10. We got a lovely bright red dress from asda the other day.

So boob you would be happy for your 7 year old dd to be dressed like this

www.google.co.uk/search?q=pretty+woman&client=safari&hl=en-gb&prmd=ivsn&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwji_eumtMfQAhVGEpoKHX9LB5sQ_AUIBygB&biw=1024&bih=672#imgrc=fD7lIYgNn0ePVM%3A

I think my point would be the wearing together of it all so a short skirt okay with a decent coverage top and a belly top okay with jeans putting them together seems wrong

My DD is tall for her age and we had the same problem. I found that Debenhams do age appropriate dresses (but not all Disney princess/frilly etc) up to early teenage. I also founds some reasonable stuff in Tesco (but very hit and miss). I agree that H&M is about the worst (maybe joint worst with Primark). I see what Booboo means about children not being sexual beings but I personally don't feel comfortable with my DD going out in public in a miniature version of something that would definitely be 'sexy' on a woman.

The big problem I have with a lot of the crop tops etc sold for teens is that they are clearly aimed at copying 'sexy' clothes worn by pop starts etc but sold for children who are too young to appreciate what this means and to fully understand how they are 'presenting their bodies to others'.

On a positive note- my tall was in adult size clothing by the age of 11 and actually this made it easier to buy suitable clothes. It seems that high street shops cater for young women who want to be fashionable but without showing lots of cleavage/belly but better than they do for teens.

If my 7yo wanted to wear that dress that would be fine by me. She would fall over in the boots so I would want her to prove she could walk in them before I forked out money for a useless item.

Booboo - you read WAY more into my post than I meant. I posted about protecting childhood - not sexuality. In that if someone feels it is important for a child to wear " children s" clothes it us signalling that they want to keep childhood protected. Same as some people don't like to see babies in "proper" clothes - just babygrows etc. So keeping a difference between what could be labeled adult clothes (not necessarily sexualised) and children's clothes.
Personally I bloody live some of the comfy funky bright coloured clothes you can get for kids, and wish they did it in adult sizes! But sadly, they don't.

Riiiiight boob, moving swiftly on, children cannot have full autonomy over their clothes, I am paying for them, and have the final say!

Oh and I also didn't talk about neglect - so you again inferred more than posted rhere. I meant about some people not worrying about their children growing up - not feeling the need to have a separation between adult and child clothes. Again nothing about neglect or sexuality there.

It is about signalling. If I go to work in a suit I am signalling that I am ready for work and am taking it seriously. If I were to go to the office in a basque and bondage I would be signalling something different.

Like it or not most civilizations use clothing as part of a signaling system - and children need to learn how it works.

It's isn't just girls and women. If the man who was discussing my child's mental health problems turned up to the consulting room in cycling shorts, fishnet vest and a gimp mask - I would not be happy at all.

It isn't fair to put a child, who does not understand the language yet in something which is a copy of a sex-worker's uniform.

Aeroflot well yes a short skirt and crop top are perfectly appropriate for a 7 yo. What is it about a 7yos legs and tummy that makes them inappropriate to be seen by others in this context?

Quite, completely agree.

Some really weird comments on this thread. Misogyny and value judgements are absolutely rife when it comes to girls' and young women's clothing. Often among women.

DD loved her skimpy jeans shorts during hot summer days. And vests revealing her tummy. It wasn't sexual, she was feeling cooler and a bit more grown-up. I also let her choose her outfits sometimes because I want her to feel that she can decide what she is wearing. I reserve the right to veto though.
Protecting the childhood sounds weird, tbh. It's like we are artificially trying to keep them in their baby stage. I remember myself though at the age of 6 - 7. I wanted to dress like grown-ups. Wear high heels, my Mum's clothes.
We should help them find a balance but it needs their participation to share decisions on how they dress. They aren't little babies at that age and need to be shown that we value their opinion even though we make the final decision.