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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Same unwanted Christmas present every year

205 replies

TheWorldIsMine · 24/11/2016 08:34

A few years back my mum became obsessed with the "farmers market" and used to go on about it constantly. She then bought some homemade soap from there and went on about them constantly. Once when I was at her house she showed me them - awful colourful, weird smelling things that I wouldn't put anywhere near my skin but as she was excited by them, I smiled and said they were nice.

Low and behold, I ended up with a load of them as a Christmas present. I never used them but felt guilty throwing them away so shoved them in the bottom on my wardrobe whilst telling my mum they were very nice.

Next year, same thing with my mum gushing about "well I know how much you like them do I bought you more!". Slightly less enthusiastic this time (and recognising a trend) a said "oh, thanks. I still have some of the ones from last year :-) " but she didn't get my hint.

Next year, same thing but this time with granny worthy "lavender" bath bombs. She asked if I got "the soaps" so I said "yes, thank you". This time I added "although these will last me a while, I have very sensitive skin so tend to use sanex in my bath etc otherwise my skin dries out". She STILL didn't get the hint so nearer Christmas last year I made a huge point of saying "oh shame I can't use soaps and stuff as I'm sure DH would like to buy me them - but I've told him - under no circumstances get me soap as I can't use it". Can you believe, Christmas Day I still ended up with homemade soaps, lavender bath soaps and a very odd bottle of perfume (not being a snob but she knows I only use designer perfume).

I'll end up with soap again this year. How do I stop it or do I just gracefully accept to be grateful? Why is she missing all the hints???

OP posts:
emmyhNL · 25/11/2016 18:26

My mum thinks it's all about quantity not quality so we'll get a sackful of crap. I tend to donate to charity /food banks etc. As I hate to see it go to waste but don't want it cluttering up my house.

Honesty is great but only if they'll listen

BarbaraofSeville · 25/11/2016 18:40

Exactly when is it appropriate to try and have the 'please don't buy me anything' conversation when you are up against people who do their Christmas shopping 11.5 months in advance in the January sales?

Shona52 · 25/11/2016 18:42

Why couldn't you be honest with your mum.

ilovechocolate07 · 25/11/2016 19:11

Give whatever you don't want to the charity shops and next year either ask for her to please not get you anything or hint at something else you might like from there. Do they sell a nice fudge you might like?

MrsC45 · 25/11/2016 19:17

Don't throw them away give them to your local woman's refuge, they really need soaps and stuff.

GandTea · 25/11/2016 19:40

Wrap them up and give them back saying you know how much she likes them..?

nichito · 25/11/2016 20:06

I'm really staggered at the number of people whose relatives repeatedly gift them items they have said they can't use/are allergic to/are completely the wrong size etc.

Surely (assuming neurotypical, in decent health etc) you'd have to be a bit dim to incessantly buy somebody something they've made it abundantly clear they can't make use of? It's the sort of thing that my grandmother would have done when she was already addled with Alzheimer's.

ridingsixwhitehorses · 25/11/2016 20:11

Food banks take soaps and smellies (unopened).

dannyglick · 25/11/2016 20:25

I take unwanted presents to my local Dogs Trust, for their fairs and table top sales.
You could do that, or take to your favourite charity shop.

Toomanykidsandtired · 25/11/2016 21:26

Randomer. You're a great person. Is there anything specific you need? x

Daydream007 · 25/11/2016 21:55

She's your mum, you can be honest with her. Always best to be honest and upfront in the beginning!

Lucked · 25/11/2016 21:59

I have been given the same folksy patterned velvet scarf in different colours 3 times. All straight to charity shop. The person sees me quite a bit and I keep thinking they must realise I don't wear them.

PutDownThatLaptop · 25/11/2016 22:13

Surely if someone has bought you gift you just accept it with grace and gratitude?

pollymere · 25/11/2016 22:48

Put it all on display the next time she visits. She'll realise how much you have then and maybe stop...alternatively say I know you usually get me soap but love you to get me x this year instead.

Sara107 · 25/11/2016 22:54

Either tell her you can't use them ( not hints) or accept graciously and you have a supply of stuff when people are asking for donations for raffle ,tombola etc for things like the school fete.

Touchmybum · 25/11/2016 23:06

Why don't you just say that you would like something different for Christmas this year, like x? My mum went all out to get presents for each of us that we would actually like. The only time I ever got something I didn't like was a pair of earrings, and actually they weren't bad at all.

It's a waste of her money buying stuff you are never going to use, plus it's not much fun for you!

Ditsy4 · 25/11/2016 23:57

Just be glad you still have your mum!

DontTouchTheMoustache · 26/11/2016 00:28

What is it with mums and soaps? Every year mine buys me bath stuff...I don't actually like taking baths so I either use them as shower gel or regift/donate them. Don't get me wrong, I love my mum and if she wants to give me soaps till the end of time I shall graciously accept them but why is it always soaps? (Apart from one year when she got me a teddy bear with some nutty chocolates which would have been fab if I wasn't allergic to nuts Confused )

Ontopofthesunset · 26/11/2016 00:59

Why don't you just say that you don't need any presents? That would save all the hassle. After all, what does it matter if your mother buys you something you don't use? Do you want to save her money? Or are you secretly disappointed because you really want a present you like? What adult really cares?

Either tell her what you really feel or simply say thank you. No one deserves presents that delight them; everyone can be grateful that someone has bought them something.

nixie60 · 26/11/2016 02:34

The Baileys story made me laugh TheWorld - my mum's just the same. In fact, my sister visited her one Christmas and Mum said, "Oh, I'll get out the bottle of Baileys that Nixie bought me" and apparently she'd had it so long that it had gone off and was all curdled! How long do you have to keep Baileys for it to do that?!

BarbaraofSeville · 26/11/2016 06:47

I don't know nixie. I had one that was about 5 years out of date when I finished it, so longer than that but I did keep mine in the fridge.

kiloh · 26/11/2016 07:38

Next time you see her hand her a couple back and tell her it's such a shame but last time I used them I came out in a rash, I'd rather someone had them than go to waste so here you are I know you like them - job done!

Cameron07 · 26/11/2016 09:23

Oh dear, just say skin very dry and the nurse at gp says soaps very drying, better than my first married Christmas when my mother in law bought me poison( perfume) !

MiscellaneousAssortment · 26/11/2016 11:30

I now can't find the name of the poster, but I'm fascinated by the lamb adoption process!

Does it have to be any cheap perfume, or is it a specific smell like Charlie?! And do you put it on the adoptive mother as well, so they smell the same, or is it about drowning out the natural smell of another mother?

Enquirimg minds need to know! Grin

Janetizzy30 · 26/11/2016 12:50

My m.I.l. always buys me spanx coz I have a separated abdomen....it is so embarrassing to open as I have a house full of boys and men (dh and my boys)