Same unwanted Christmas present every year

[TheWorldIsMine]

A few years back my mum became obsessed with the "farmers market" and used to go on about it constantly. She then bought some homemade soap from there and went on about them constantly. Once when I was at her house she showed me them - awful colourful, weird smelling things that I wouldn't put anywhere near my skin but as she was excited by them, I smiled and said they were nice.

Low and behold, I ended up with a load of them as a Christmas present. I never used them but felt guilty throwing them away so shoved them in the bottom on my wardrobe whilst telling my mum they were very nice.

Next year, same thing with my mum gushing about "well I know how much you like them do I bought you more!". Slightly less enthusiastic this time (and recognising a trend) a said "oh, thanks. I still have some of the ones from last year :-) " but she didn't get my hint.

Next year, same thing but this time with granny worthy "lavender" bath bombs. She asked if I got "the soaps" so I said "yes, thank you". This time I added "although these will last me a while, I have very sensitive skin so tend to use sanex in my bath etc otherwise my skin dries out". She STILL didn't get the hint so nearer Christmas last year I made a huge point of saying "oh shame I can't use soaps and stuff as I'm sure DH would like to buy me them - but I've told him - under no circumstances get me soap as I can't use it". Can you believe, Christmas Day I still ended up with homemade soaps, lavender bath soaps and a very odd bottle of perfume (not being a snob but she knows I only use designer perfume).

I'll end up with soap again this year. How do I stop it or do I just gracefully accept to be grateful? Why is she missing all the hints???

My STBMIL bought me a cashmere twin set for my birthday which I've only worn as a twin set once, when we next visited them. But I like wearing the two pieces separately and would do so more if it didn't take me an age to get round to doing my hand washing. So I'm reading this thread living in hope that buying me cashmere becomes her thing.

You just need to tell her straight. It may sting her a little in the short term but there is nothing worse at Christmas than getting (and buying) useless gifts, repeatedly!!

DM prides herself on finding out what perfume I like and then finding an "exact" duplicate from a discount shop, so a nice bottle of Flannel No5, or Miss Doris...

DF just buys me a giftcard for the supermarket which is always appreciated!

My mum does this every year with bath bombs.

WE DON'T OWN A BATH!!

They get given to the school for fayres and raffles

No matter how subtle or brusquely, there is just no telling some people!

When I met MrZippy, he had a cupboard full of cheap and nasty gift sets (all containing shaving stuff). He has very sensitive skin so he wouldn't have used them anyway, but also didn't really need shaving kit since he had a full-on Captain Birdseye beard and had done for the previous 25 years!

Every single year his SIL gave him another one of these bloody sets at Christmas and another one for his birthday. Fortunately she hates me and doesn't give us anything any more. The aftershave/shaving soap sets were quietly chucked when I moved in.

Bath bombs without a bath.

We are a family of the Amazon wish list, it really does make life easier and providing there are a variety of things on there of various values. Whatever anyone's situation is regarding time/ability to go to the shops or their finances there is usually something that someone actually wants.
I have been upset in the past when I have seen stuff that I have "thoughtfully"bought my nearest and dearest going to the car boot sale or the charity shop, so I am not prepared to waste money any more, the wish list all the way.

Leave them with her / hand them back to her (depending on where you are celebrating Christmas).

"Oh, it's such a shame because they are so lovely, but I'm not allowed to use anything other than Sanex now. No, not even these. I'm sure they'd help some people because they are lovely, aren't they, but my skin is just too sensitive even for these. I'll leave them with you as maybe you can give them to someone else; it was such a generous present I don't want to see it go to waste. No, don't even think of buying me something else, this was so thoughtful and I really do appreciate the thought..."

If she has them sitting around for a while she is more likely to remember in future that, much as you love them, these aren't a good gift for you. The words clearly don't register by themselves.

I wish my Dad was still alive, he always bought me lovely perfume, the same one every year and now he's dead I don't want anyone else to buy that perfume for me. I ask them to donate to the British Heart Foundation instead

Youreadmymind gamechick

She doesn't have a clue and said "oh well all those soaps will help that, won't they?"
Then you'll have to escalate matters. Start dragging around bottles of Cetaphil to wash your hands, carry tubs of the really thick, odourless emollient cream (scentless, of course) and use it ostentatiously in front of her because it's the only thing the dermatologist will let you use, and that anything with smells seems to exacerbate it. Been there, in reality.

I grew up with asthma which developed into acute rhinitis - very bad hay fever all year round - as I got older. Scents used to be a strong trigger. I couldn't, for example, wear clothes that had hung in a cupboard for more than a week and walking through a fabric store could be agony. my mum thought in was my imagination until my allergist disabused her of this idea.
Although it's all probably a bit drastic just to stop getting some soaps.

Could you go to the Farmers Market with your mum and swoon over exotic cheeses or salmon smoked over a rare hardwood to give her some other ideas?

I don't get it. 15 years of lavender/patchouli/rose/OAP smellies from MIL, enough to last two years every year. I smelt like an old lady for my best years. And the 12 bottles of Lynx shower gel DH had built up by his mid 30's. Now she and SIL buys my 2 DSs whatever the other GS, SIL's DS, is into. One year she asked me, in front of SIL, which transformers dress up set she should get DS1 from Web Ivory to support her church we're atheists. I replied I'm not sure he even knows which characters are in transformers, even if he did he isn't into dressing up much. So last year my DSs got the full starwars everything, even dress up, they're not into starwars.
OP, be direct. Hand them back. No confusion. I think the theory that they just remember 'soap' they must have loved it must be some of it. But if they're holding the returned 'soap' they tend to remember more. For some people buying a present isn't about the recipient it about the act of buying to impress others.

Oh no, feel for you. I don't like these sorts of things either (not a skin issue, just don't really like them). Luckily my mum has discovered Amazon Wish Lists, she's bought everything from there this year, has already had it all delivered and has wrapped everything. I'm fearful that next year she will refuse to buy anything that isn't on a Wish List (sorry small independent shops, I've created a monster!).

On the other hand, one year my DH's grandfather asked us what we wanted for Christmas, we said a microwave. He bought us a slow cooker, which is almost the opposite. On the plus side, it's great and we use it loads but we did have to buy our own microwave!

This is why it's perfectly acceptable for adults to not do presents at Christmas!

I am really hard to buy for, and really rude but even I wouldn't actually hand a gift back!!!

I'm reckon you need to tell your mum that the soaps are actively making your eczema worse and really irritate it - and then say that it's funny, some people think that just because they have natural ingredients, the farmers market soaps are good but actually because they have the neat oils and whatnots in they can actually aggravate some skin conditions more than shop bought soaps.

Your mum probably likes the idea of buying presents on the farmers market and the idea of the home made soaps, plus the person on the stall is probably saying how wonderful they are for skin conditions - and of course, if she is anything like my mother she is far more likely to believe a random salesperson on the stall with a vested interest in selling as much stuff as possible - than to believe me as to what works or doesn't work on me.

Therefore you need to have some sort of discussion with her to actively get in there, make her acknowledge why she is buying these things for you and why these things are wrong for you. It might also be worth talking to her about how she finds using the soaps - either she has stopped using them but likes buying them - hence you getting them - or she does use and like them and can't believe that they won't have the same effect on everybody (again - my mother has very different skin to me, what works for her doesn't work for me although it does work well for my sister, so she will always assume that I'm obviously doing something wrong and just need to wash my face 'better' (whatever that might mean!) and then I too would experience the benefits that she does).

Do you have a ddad (or step dad or aunt or family friend etc) that you can talk to, to get on board and see if he can get through to your mum?

I think an alternative approach would be to talk about the soaps a lot less, and talk up something else!
I agree choosing something from the Farmers Market seems to be important to her (just like you started off the OP), so see if you can get her on to buying something else for you from there?

Oh dear, this is where being nice and polite gets you! Who can blame you? Your mum bought these soaps, thought they were lovely and assumed you would love them too.

Tell her you've gone off them massively. Give the unwanted ones to charity - someone somewhere will love them. Or maybe insist that you're not doing presents at all this year - an economy drive - but that may not work either.
My nice BIL put up with being given a rich (home made) Christmas cake by his sister every year which he and his family hated. He didn't have the heart to tell her. I suggested he tell her that he'd gone off it and could she make one that was lighter but this fell on deaf ears. He eventually told her the truth and I hope she wasn't too upset.

I am coeliac and still get biscuits every year even from close family. Not sure on the answer. I just smile and thank but secretly am very disappointed.

Be blunt. I am with my mum now because otherwise she will give me any old rubbish and I ask specifically for certain things when she asks what I want. It's a waste of her money otherwise. Just say "I don't need any more of that soap mum I still haven't used last years, I prefer to use xxxx it's better for my skin. If you want to get me something I need xxx"

My MIL gave me a used facecloth and a bar of soap (cheap, unwrapped economy type) every Christmas for 6 years.

She hated me and never failed to let me know.......

I find that people understand 'sensitive skin' to mean 'snobby about bath products'. I would skip sensitive and go straight to 'please stop buying me these soaps. I cannot use them because they cause me actual physical pain. I develop eczema that cracks & bleeds. It is agony. I've tried to say this before but you aren't hearing me so I'm being extremely blunt. If you buy me any soap/bath bomb/whatever from the Farmers Market, I will be donating it straight to a charity shop bexause blessing and cracking eczema hurts.'

I say this as someone who has a humungous amazon wish list full of books who would literally read anything amd am quite vocal about my love of second hand books from charity shops but still get lovely jewellery & posh scarves from my mother for 'work' when I actually work from home in my pyjamas and never have an opportunity to wear any of it.

(Obviously that should be blessing not blessing)

Duh gets whiskey every year from my mum and another bottle from my brother. He has a dram maybe once a year. We smile and say thank you and donate bottles to charity raffles.

Re-gift or give them to a charity shop. I get lots of presents like this, I give them away and buy my own Christmas presents.