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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Same unwanted Christmas present every year

205 replies

TheWorldIsMine · 24/11/2016 08:34

A few years back my mum became obsessed with the "farmers market" and used to go on about it constantly. She then bought some homemade soap from there and went on about them constantly. Once when I was at her house she showed me them - awful colourful, weird smelling things that I wouldn't put anywhere near my skin but as she was excited by them, I smiled and said they were nice.

Low and behold, I ended up with a load of them as a Christmas present. I never used them but felt guilty throwing them away so shoved them in the bottom on my wardrobe whilst telling my mum they were very nice.

Next year, same thing with my mum gushing about "well I know how much you like them do I bought you more!". Slightly less enthusiastic this time (and recognising a trend) a said "oh, thanks. I still have some of the ones from last year :-) " but she didn't get my hint.

Next year, same thing but this time with granny worthy "lavender" bath bombs. She asked if I got "the soaps" so I said "yes, thank you". This time I added "although these will last me a while, I have very sensitive skin so tend to use sanex in my bath etc otherwise my skin dries out". She STILL didn't get the hint so nearer Christmas last year I made a huge point of saying "oh shame I can't use soaps and stuff as I'm sure DH would like to buy me them - but I've told him - under no circumstances get me soap as I can't use it". Can you believe, Christmas Day I still ended up with homemade soaps, lavender bath soaps and a very odd bottle of perfume (not being a snob but she knows I only use designer perfume).

I'll end up with soap again this year. How do I stop it or do I just gracefully accept to be grateful? Why is she missing all the hints???

OP posts:
MikeUniformMike · 24/11/2016 12:56

Give her all the unused soaps wrapped up prettily for Christmas. She likes it, you don't.

chartmc · 24/11/2016 12:59

wrap them all up and gift them back! Halo "knew how much you LOVE soap..." ha.

Groovee · 24/11/2016 12:59

Give her last year's ones this year and say "seeing as you love them so much, I bought you some too!"

mummymummums · 24/11/2016 13:03

I agree - just tell her. When you open it, say: "thank you, but I'm going to give these back to you as I'd rather they were used, and as I mentioned I'm not allowed to use these". She's bound to remember if you give them back, but not as xmas gifts!

RhiWrites · 24/11/2016 13:06

You need to find out something else that the Farmer's Market sells and ask for that - noting "please under no circumstance more soap, I just can't use it" .

OohhThatsMe · 24/11/2016 13:09

Oh I'm feeling like the perfect mother now!

My children are in their twenties and in September I ask them to send me an email with links to things they'd like. I give them some money and then spend up to whatever I can afford on their gifts, making sure I spend the same on each of them.

By Christmas they've forgotten what they've asked for, so get a surprise in a way, but a surprise they will like.

MLGs · 24/11/2016 13:13

Regift is a good plan, unless they are actually horrible.

I keep getting the same gift of a make your own gingerbread house kit. I absolutely hate fiddly type stuff and these houses are impossible anyway .

Last year I was told "oooh let's make it a tradition" that they always give us one so not much hope of it not happening again .

MackerelOfFact · 24/11/2016 13:13

I don't get all this toiletry gift angst. Unless you really are allergic to them (I can't decide from your posts if you actually are or are just telling her you are to try and curb the soapy offerings) surely everyone washes, so why not just bloody use it?!

I'm probably really weird but I like getting toiletries, and if it's something I don't usually use or wouldn't normally buy, even better - even the MN much-maligned Bayliss & Harding gifts sets.

Kirriemuir · 24/11/2016 13:16

Can give her a couple back from last year. Tell her, sorry mum but my skin is really reacting badly to these soaps and I can't use them anymore. I hope you can use them as I know you really like them otherwise I'll just need to put them in the bin?

Bluebeck · 24/11/2016 13:20

I don't understand - is your relationship with your mother a bit difficult in general?

I am 100% certain that if this were me and my adult DD, she would just say "Oh mum, whatever you do, please don't buy me any more of those soaps, I don't like them any more/am allergic/only use XYZ now"

Why can't you just tell her? It's not exactly offensive or rude is it?

velourvoyageur · 24/11/2016 13:21

'granny-worthy' I see the age-shaming on MN is alive and kicking

3luckystars · 24/11/2016 13:26

Ring her and say excitedly " I've just won an amazing prize in a competition! I have won....... 49 of those soaps that you love, I need never buy another soap again!! I can't believe my luck!!! Do you want a few? I know you love them!!! I'll drop them over to you now"
I CANNOT believe i won a life time supply of soap!!!!! I also won 82 bath bombs and a hamper of shampoo and bubble bath. I never need to buy another perfumed item as long as I live!!!!! Wooooooooooo!!!!!!!"

Even better if it's a voice mail. Leave a plastic bag full of your previous gifts at her door for her. Keep saying "wooooooooohooooooooooo"

hollinhurst84 · 24/11/2016 13:28

Slightly random but any unwanted hand wash/hand cream we take to work and it gets put in the toilets and used up that way

winefixeswhine · 24/11/2016 13:39

Most hospitals collect for Christmas mornings by inpatients presents, these would be lovely!

MikeUniformMike · 24/11/2016 13:41

That's a great idea. I would suggest doing the same with half used scents too. Even if you are sick of it, it might be someone else's favourite.

Scaredycat3000 · 24/11/2016 13:42

'granny-worthy' I see the age-shaming on MN is alive and kicking Oh do fuck off. My generation grew up with body shop fruity smells, these are packaged in slightly more grown up style than when I was a teenager, still quite loud and funky. I wouldn't buy them for my DM/MIL they are aimed at my generation. It works both ways, I don't want heavy floral musky scents packaged in pale colours with delicate pretty flowers all over it, they are mostly for the generation that are mostly grannys now. Get over it.

falange · 24/11/2016 13:48

You graciously accept. Give them away to friends or as school fair raffle prizes etc. If you tell her you'll hurt her feelings iand in the scheme of things does it really matter if she buys you stuff you don't really want. Be grateful you still have your mum around to buy you things.

Kione · 24/11/2016 13:53

Tell her you didn't have a chance to use the ones from last year, and show them to her.
I get "smellies" every year because I genuinely love nice shower gels, but I have not a clue what to do with the hand creams, body scrubs, body lotions and butters that also come on the packs. They are piling up in my drawer. I am telling my in laws that just the gel will do as I still have all the other stuff. Cheap and cheerful for them!

PortiaCastis · 24/11/2016 13:54

I don't understand why you just dont say you are allergic to whatever toiletries your given. That way you won't get them again.

Bluebeck · 24/11/2016 13:57

Scaredy you appear to be living in a bit of a time warp - It works both ways, I don't want heavy floral musky scents packaged in pale colours with delicate pretty flowers all over it, they are mostly for the generation that are mostly grannys now. Get over it.

You do realise that a lot of the people who are grannys now - in their 50s - are the generation that were punks? You seem to think anyone who is a granny is wafting around singing Vera Lynn songs. Smile

TinklyLittleLaugh · 24/11/2016 13:58

How old do you think you have to be to be a granny Scaredy? I'm 52, have friends who are grandparents, grew up with the Body Shop and "funky" packaging myself thank you very much.

Ageist language and stereotyping is so tiresome.

PortiaCastis · 24/11/2016 14:01

I made my Mum a Granny when she was 40

Flingmoo · 24/11/2016 14:02

Hehe, this reminds me of my in-laws. But my problem is all year round... Not at Christmas ,but whenever they visit us. Every time they come, they bring this massive stodgy sweet pie thing that is a local speciality from the part of the foreign country they live in.

It's actually not bad, but it's just so sweet and stodgy you can't eat much at a time and I never really fancy it. It keeps for ages so we end up with this pie, in it's box a bit like a pizza box, on our kitchen counter for literally months. By the time I eventually bully DH into finishing it, they come for another visit and bring another one!

I keep telling him to ask them not to bring it but he hasn't. Last time they came, they asked "you DO like these don't you?"... I couldn't bring myself to say "no, they are the bane of my existence" so I just meekly said "oh yes, they're lovely, they just take a while for us to finish them because you only need a little slice..." I am sure it's not the last one we'll receive.

Italiangreyhound · 24/11/2016 14:04

Simple, ask her what she wants for Christmas and then give her some ideas for you. Say very clearly, those soaps are reacting with my skin so I can't use them anymore, please do not buy me any.

Next time (as I am sure you know)just say 'they're not my thing/my cup of tea/not right for me' when your mum, or anyone shows you anything. I had this with a perfume MIL bought me, I didn't like to say anything but DH pointed out I would get it every year if I did not say it gave me a headache, which it did, so I told her.

Good luck.

(The first time I read your post I thought you said soup!!!!!!!!!!!!)

EverySongbirdSays · 24/11/2016 14:10

I have a similar problem but not the same. Me and DM are very upfront and always get stuff asked for

But we have an aunt and a cousin every Christmas day and I get the same gift every year from each. So much so that I have pots and pots of the stuff and am expecting pots more.

It's far harder to me direct with them as they are very stiff upper lip. The problem is is that I was happy the first time but now no longer use the stuff.

My sister keeps buying me stuff related to my hobby, that isn't actually usable in my hobby, eg alternatives to the tool I already use that aren't usable for the same purpose or any other.

I say this as someone who has a humungous amazon wish list full of books who would literally read anything amd am quite vocal about my love of second hand books from charity shops but still get lovely jewellery & posh scarves from my mother for 'work' when I actually work from home in my pyjamas and never have an opportunity to wear any of it

This. I am this easy to buy for but NO-ONE buys me books because they don't understand why I would need more. Hmm

I started a thread like this myself not long ago. YANBU OP.

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