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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Same unwanted Christmas present every year

205 replies

TheWorldIsMine · 24/11/2016 08:34

A few years back my mum became obsessed with the "farmers market" and used to go on about it constantly. She then bought some homemade soap from there and went on about them constantly. Once when I was at her house she showed me them - awful colourful, weird smelling things that I wouldn't put anywhere near my skin but as she was excited by them, I smiled and said they were nice.

Low and behold, I ended up with a load of them as a Christmas present. I never used them but felt guilty throwing them away so shoved them in the bottom on my wardrobe whilst telling my mum they were very nice.

Next year, same thing with my mum gushing about "well I know how much you like them do I bought you more!". Slightly less enthusiastic this time (and recognising a trend) a said "oh, thanks. I still have some of the ones from last year :-) " but she didn't get my hint.

Next year, same thing but this time with granny worthy "lavender" bath bombs. She asked if I got "the soaps" so I said "yes, thank you". This time I added "although these will last me a while, I have very sensitive skin so tend to use sanex in my bath etc otherwise my skin dries out". She STILL didn't get the hint so nearer Christmas last year I made a huge point of saying "oh shame I can't use soaps and stuff as I'm sure DH would like to buy me them - but I've told him - under no circumstances get me soap as I can't use it". Can you believe, Christmas Day I still ended up with homemade soaps, lavender bath soaps and a very odd bottle of perfume (not being a snob but she knows I only use designer perfume).

I'll end up with soap again this year. How do I stop it or do I just gracefully accept to be grateful? Why is she missing all the hints???

OP posts:
ememem84 · 24/11/2016 09:03

Regift them to her?

Tell her they're from "l'armoir" (which I believe is french for wardrobe).

StarlingMurderation · 24/11/2016 09:03

That could be my Dad, Icant! He's pretty good in some ways.

dreamingofsun · 24/11/2016 09:04

give them back to her this christmas. say you know how much she likes them so you made a special effort to go to the farmers market to buy her them

SuperFlyHigh · 24/11/2016 09:05

icanteven your dad is great!

My aunt has form for this... Last year I was given a vile Diesel purse thing in a colour I don't like no gift receipt so probably from one of those designer Sales websites. That went straight on eBay.

The Rest of the family got those scarfs which are in a loop tied and stitched together so like knitted loop/circle. In vile colours. From
Debenhams and no gift receipt.

DB got a cookery book (they've got loads and have certain cooking styles) which he won't use and will EBay.

This aunt and uncle are very well off no kids currently selling their country home for £2.5 million and buying a cheaper but bigger pile in SW England for I think just under £1 million but no mortgage.

Uncle is hardest man on earth to buy for, only interested in cars, motorbikes, shooting and some designer gear. Has a collection of 4 cars and 4 motorbikes. Aunt slightly easier to buy for but has everything. The only saving grace is my aunt fell out with her half sister years ago and unlikely to make up so her boys won't inherit in the will, there is an adopted/foster sister who has kids (2 grown up boys and a 5 year old daughter) but there was a family fall out to do with other sister so she's kept at arms length... So my brother and I may be in line for an inheritance shared between us and uncles nephews. Sorry that sounds really grasping!

Last time I was stayed there this time last year she made a big show of suddenly showing me 2 very nice buy to let's they'd both bought (Surrey) but almost said it in an embarrassed tone. I'm quite well off myself.

Present buying is a nightmare and minefield!

Arfarfanarf · 24/11/2016 09:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Topseyt · 24/11/2016 09:09

Some people just don't seem able to interpret subtleties, so I think as others have said, you need to be more direct, while still being polite.

Tell her that unfortunately you have found that you definitely cannot use them as they make your skin very sore. Suggest something else that she could buy or contribute towards instead that you would appreciate much more.

Don't say DH wishes he could buy you the soaps as suggested I think upthread. She seems so enthusiastic about them that she would probably see that as validation of what a fabulous gift they are.

I have personally never been a fan of giving or receiving soaps or toiletries as gifts unless specifically asked for. It is just a personal thing I guess, but things like that do absolutely nothing for me.

BakeOffBiscuits · 24/11/2016 09:15

You ar going to have to be very very direct:

You "Mum you know the soaps, bath bombs and perfume you get me every year?"

Mum "yes dear"

You "I do not want you to buy me them again this year. I cannot use them because of my skin, they will end up going to the bin charity shop if you buy them again"

Mum "ok" hopefully

GloriaGaynor · 24/11/2016 09:18

I love homemade soap, I'll buy the job lot. Do you take PayPal? Grin

Clickclickclick · 24/11/2016 09:23

My mum does this, but with shit jewellery from TV shopping channels. She falls for all their sales spiel and basically repeats it when I open my gift.

I never wear jewellery, except for my plain wedding band. I don't even wear my engagement ring. I don't know why, but every year she gets me the same stuff. It's all in a box in my wardrobe in case she ever asks to see it, but otherwise it would be in the bin.

And I have asked her not to buy me anymore. She ignores me. Hmm

TimeIhadaNameChange · 24/11/2016 09:25

I would give her the ones you have now, before Christmas. Tell her you can't use them and she might as well have them back.

Hopefully she hasn't already bought you this year's selection!

ThisUsernameIsAvailable · 24/11/2016 09:25

I get a bottle of wine from all 3 brother in laws (and wives) every year for the past 8 years. I've been tee total longer than I've known them, there's a back story to why, which they know and still send me wine. Confused

JugglingFromHereToThere · 24/11/2016 09:27

I think you need to steer her clearly onto something else that's equally easy for her but nicer for you ... perhaps you could go to the market together (since she likes buying from there - maybe it feels Christmassy?) and enthuse about something edible - like some nice chocolates?

Mistletoetastic · 24/11/2016 09:28

My DH gets a gift set from Boots from my DSis, every year. I don't he has ever used any of them.

sirfredfredgeorge · 24/11/2016 09:37

Why would you make up more lies about a "skin condition" to make your mum then worry about that, rather than simply saying "Mum, I've realised don't like the soap much, don't waste your money."

It's a lesson that honesty, not hints you hope they'll pick up on is how you talk to your close family!

spiderlight · 24/11/2016 09:38

If you've still got a stash of them, a women's refuge would probably be very glad of them.

BillCipher · 24/11/2016 09:39

I've had this...

Dad: would you like anything in particular for Christmas?
Me: no, as long as it's nothing like bath products or cosmetics because you know I had that allergic reaction and a trip to A&E.

Yep, got a massive basket of bath stuff. (I think it was his wife's doing- she hates me :) ) I still get stuff like that from them.

Mom2Monkeys · 24/11/2016 09:39

Someone has probably already said this but say:

"Please don't buy me soap this year Mum".

or

"Mum I have found something I would really like you to buy me for Christmas, please could you get x for me?"

or

(If your family doesn't mind giving money) "I'm saving up for x, and asking people to just give me money this Christmas please. I am so excited about getting x, that money is really the thing I would like, thanks."

lottiegarbanzo · 24/11/2016 09:39

It's because she thinks they're 'natural' and that natural means harmless and good. So your 'hints' about sensitive skin come across to her as endorsements of this soap.

You need to spell it out - and suggest something better (any farmers' market food or drink you'd like?).

Lots of people love that kind of soap. I've always loved lavender. Don't waste them - donate to school fair, homeless shelter, Freecycle them, pass on to friends, whatever.

Stanky · 24/11/2016 09:41

For the past 3 or 4 years, I have asked any one who was kind enough to consider buying me a gift to please donate the money they would have spent to a charity instead. I always felt embarrassed and uncomfortable about receiving gifts as an adult any way. If I need anything, I can buy what I want myself. I love to see the children open their presents, but I've been so much happier and more relaxed about Christmas since I've started doing this.

Laiste · 24/11/2016 09:41

Oh My Lord i've only got one thing to say ... Baylis and fucking Harding!

My mums bought B and H for me again for my birthday coming up v.soon (a xmas gift set as well Hmm) I'll probably get even more at xmas. I know what she's bought because DDs (teens) peeped in the bag in the back of the car (DM just sticks it in a gift bag) and burst out laughing.

I need to say something too but i can't pick the right moment. I'd going to go with the sensitive skin thing. I feel your pain OP. It's going straight to charity.

Pidlan · 24/11/2016 09:42

"Oh you'll never guess what! I've become really properly allergic to those soaps and bath bombs you've been buying me. They're all going to waste. I've had to give them away to a friend.I hope you don't mind me saying- I just didn't want you wasting your money on simething I can't use again.' If she still buys you some, say 'Thanks but as I said, I'll have to pass them on to someone else because I'm allergic to them.'

margiebargie · 24/11/2016 09:42

Take what you've still got back to her and say "Mum, I thought you might like these - I can't use them any more unfortunately, my skin reacts so badly to them".

But do it asap!

Supposedtobeworking1 · 24/11/2016 09:43

I wish my MIL would buy me soap every year as at least then even if I couldn't use them all myself I could donate them to the school fair gift stall or something. My MIL is a lovely lady bless her but she also buys me the same gift each year (I've been with DH for nearly 20 years now so it's been going on a while) and every, single year I get a six pack of size 24 big knickers. I'm a size 12, I've told her I'm a size 12 but no, every year it's the same. Although to be fair, last year she also bought me a two pack of bras as well because they were in the sale section. They were a size 42 EE, I am almost completely flat chested......

randomer · 24/11/2016 09:43

I work with homeless people and we arw really struggling for funding. Anything folks dont want pls message me and I will pay post and packing. Thanks so much.

FuzzyCustard · 24/11/2016 09:45

YABU for using the phrase "granny worthy".

Just give the soaps to a good cause and smile sweetly. It's the thought that counts.

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