To ask if you mind being addressed by your husbands initial?

[Zaratall]

In the process of buying a house and have just received some documentation.

I kept my own name when I got married so my name is Ms Zara Tall.

I've found that this has caused much confusion when dealing with anything official. People can't grasp that I'm a married Ms. So this latter has been addressed to Mrs Zara Tall and Mr My Husband. No biggie.

However the vendors have been named as Mr and Mrs Mansname Vendors.

I can't believe in this day and age people are still leaving women's names off official documentation concerning them.

Do you mind this?

It really pisses me off. I don't have the same name as my DH!

If a man were to object to being called Mr WifeInitial WifeName would he be thought of as insecure? Or secure enough to point out that wasn't his name?

natsku see I would have liked to have my dad give me away (and I was really keen to promise to obey) but I married in a registry office so neither happened. The obeying would have been a bit of a piss take as I have never obeyed anyone but I was disappointed nonetheless.

Of all the issues facing women in working towards better equality this is not one of them. Not even close.

It's the silliest thing ever. Why in god's name can people not be addressed by their own names? It's not hard.

Of all the issues facing women in working towards better equality this is not one of them. Not even close.

This is such a crap argument. Just because there are big issues to address doesn't mean we should ignore the smaller examples of everyday sexism.

Good luck to the vicar who can get me to promise to obey! My dad would want to give me away but I already told him not a chance, my mum walked down the aisle side by side with him so nothing less for me.

If a man were to object to being called Mr WifeInitial WifeName would he be thought of as insecure? Or secure enough to point out that wasn't his name?

I think everybody would understand why a man wouldn't like that.. after all, it's demeaning to take second place to your wife, a mere woman. Whereas a woman's natural place is to be subservient to her husband, in her name as in everything else.

Seriously - those of you saying that only insecure sensitive women are annoyed by this - what would you say about a man who was annoyed by the reverse not just happening once, but repeatedly, throughout his married life?

Don't really give a toss tbh. I actually have really important issues to deal with in life. The could address me as anything so long as the job gets done. I can't believe people have the time or energy to get upset about things like that. Their stress levels must be through the roof or they have piss easy lives with nothing to actually worry them

Why so dismissive, Hestheoneandonly? Unless you are Ban Ki-Moon, your really important issues are probably as important as anyone else's.

Being treated with respect and addressed as a person in my own right is pretty high on my agenda.

Hestheoneandonly I agree. I'd be delighted if this was the level of the issues I face in life.

I don't "stress" or "worry" about it, but I don't like it and I don't put up with it when it happens.

It's an outmoded form of address.

If it doesn't bother you I guess tbh I wonder why.

As a pp said it's a low level indicator of sexism that some people don't question.

As was not so very long ago things like the right to vote, own property etc etc

Lots of women at the time weren't that bothered about that either, it was considered very normal and socially acceptable because they'd been brainwashed into thinking they were hysterical, fragile little beings who needed a man to own and look after them.

Sometimes you do need to sweat the small stuff imho.

That is the correct way to do things. I couldn't wait to take my husbands name when we got married, and I knew that part of that would be being addressed together as Mr and Mrs husbands initial lastname.

It is NO LONGER the right thing to do. Therefore, I assume you still live in the 1950s and enjoy none of the advanced women have made towards equality since then.

Paxillin

I can just imagine if the male half of couples were being addressed by their wives surname AND initials - the sort of reaction to that.

And I cannot imagine them being called 'insecure' if they objected.

Pax re: "Being treated with respect and addressed as a person in my own right is pretty high on my agenda."

Could not agree more

Hmm.

I'm getting married to DP. Does she have to take my initial, or do I take hers?

Or are we 'incorrect' in getting married at all?

I have a bit of a wheeze going with an online food delivery company. I set up new accounts each time a new offer for a year's delivery pass came available. But I ran out of names. Current one is is DH's first name and my surname. So every week when the food arrives he gets called Mr Myname while I snigger in another room. It helps to keep him in his place.

I don't think anyone has suggested this it top of anyone's agenda. I just think it represents how women are still viewed by many in society. As second to men.

If I am happy to be second to a man for something as basic and fundamental as my name, it's not really surprising that it's then difficult to be equal in everything else.

Totally agree womanwithattitude

Fwiw I don't need to be labelled as someone's property to feel secure.

LRD - same sex married couple I know are both Mrs plus their own names. That's what they do for work - happen to be colleagues. No one gives a shit.

I don't like it however DH and I have the same so it is appropriate BUT I know it's meant for his name

I suppose you both continue to be owned by your respective fathers, LRDtheFeministDragon since there was no handover to another man..

yawn, I was sort of kidding really. It was the 'its correct' that bugs me - it's not, and the assumption it is is rooted in a society that (amongst other things) didn't recognise same-sex marriage.

FWIW, last time I got married I stated Ms LRD, and I'm staying Ms LRD this time. DP might take Mrs but she's keeping her name.

Cross post.

pax, I have a horrible feeling the patriarchy reckons I'm still owned by ex-husband. Poor ex husband.

Monumentally pisses me off: women are not property

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest.