To ask if you mind being addressed by your husbands initial?

[Zaratall]

In the process of buying a house and have just received some documentation.

I kept my own name when I got married so my name is Ms Zara Tall.

I've found that this has caused much confusion when dealing with anything official. People can't grasp that I'm a married Ms. So this latter has been addressed to Mrs Zara Tall and Mr My Husband. No biggie.

However the vendors have been named as Mr and Mrs Mansname Vendors.

I can't believe in this day and age people are still leaving women's names off official documentation concerning them.

Do you mind this?

I suppose if I was insecure, lacking confidence, or searching for an identity it might bother me.
I suppose I have my own identity away from dh and dc, maybe that's why it doesn't bother me.

I am in no way insecure. My own identity is important to me and I don't think addressing me as Mrs J Blogs when my name isn't Joe recognises that I'm an individual rather than s subcategory of my husband.

Doesn't bother me in the slightest

I'm Mrs Hissurname. He's from a large family so there's several Mr & Mrs Hissurname in the family. If it's something posted from his family where there's been a pile addressed to Mr & Mrs A Hissurname, Mr & Mrs B Hissurname etc across the family, then that doesn't bother me. It may be that they've written names on envelopes before checking addresses so initials clarifies which Mr & Mrs Hissurname is the intended recipient.

Something addressed purely to me by his initials is irritating because that is inaccurate as it is not to him at all.

If your surnames are different, Mr & Mrs Hissurname is also inaccurate. Forgivable if someone genuinely hasn't realised (maybe a card from his friend), but sloppy on official documents where they have access to the correct names.

My idiot ILs do this. All cards are addressed to Mrs and Mrs DH initial and surname. Even though they know for a fact I kept my name. It would offend me even if I had taken his name as I would have taken his surname not his first name. Maybe I should get my mother to start addressing cards to him to Dear Mr and Mrs my initial crazycat and see how he likes it. He claims they are just traditional, I claim they are passive aggressive twunts which they are based on all past dealings with them

Fucks md right off. I changed my surname to dh's but have kept Ms.

So am Ms Honeydragon Dh's name.

When we sorted life insurance the broker ignored everything on the forms and wrote a (separate to dh) letter to myself Using Mrs Dh name.

So basically addressing a none existent person. So instead of

Ms Honeydragon Dh's.surname

I was

Mrs Bryan Dh's.Surname

Who the fucks that then? Because it's not me! Which is why I returned to to them as 'not known at this address'

YANBU - like many others I changed my surname to his so as a family we all had the same name but I keep my own professionally.

DP is old-fashioned and thinks it would mean we were less 'married' if we didn't share a surname but he's a fool about a lot of things.

Our work coincides sometimes and a colleague of mine met him and called him Mr Goodhair - made my day!

Anyway back to the point - surnames are annoying enough but to be given his initial really winds me up as well. I've changed a lot of our stuff to be addressed to Ms R Hisname and Mr B Hisname.

And ... what about when census forms used to ask for the Head of the Household with the assumption it would be the man??!!

Crazycat glad to see it's not just me who has the passive aggressive inlaws...

No it's not insecure to want to be called your own name, but even though you may receive something now and again in your dh name what's the problem if you aren't insecure.
I know who I am and so do my family and friends.
Sometimes I'm dh wife and that's fine with me.
The majority of the time I'm gillybeanz.
Sometimes I'm mum or auntie, I'm still me, irrespective of any label at any time.

No it's not insecure to want to be called your own name, but even though you may receive something now and again in your dh name what's the problem if you aren't insecure.

How is it insecure to want to be addressed correctly?

Honeydragon

limitededition I could write a book on all the fuckwittery bastard things they have done so I feel you pain immensely. They refused to attend the wedding so maybe I should start claiming it didn't happen so I don't have to put up with their cards.

I hate it, too. I never changed my name. I don't like Mrs Pax Husbandsname, and I absolutely hate Mrs Hisfirstname Hislastname.

I refused to give up even my last name and somebody ignores both my first and my last name? Why not call us Mr Husband and his chattel?

There are times when being addressed correctly are rather important.

As I said I don't get particularly upset at being called Mrs, or even being mistaken for my husbands surname. So long as people don't grin and eye roll when I politely correct them.

I do think it's a whole heap of outdated shit to call a woman Mrs Dave Smith.

Drives me potty. It's really dismissive and rude and incredibly outdated.

I'm Ms OriginalSurname and married and it's really irritating to have to constantly battle to be called by the correct name when I've already politely and clearly said I've not changed my surname. I even put a line in the bloody wedding invitation so no one would send me cards to Mrs HisName and people STILL DO IT.

GAAAAH.

PS I do find it a little odd that more people don't agree with me but don't really care what people do with their own surnames - I do care when they give me the wrong name, and I do care when I see things like the original question. We're actually real individual humans now, you know.

In social situations I am very happy to be Mr and Mrs Husbandfirstname Husbandsurname or even Mrs Husbandfirstname Husbandsurname! Mrs Myfirstname Husbandsurname actually signifies a divorcee. Nothing wrong with that at all, but it's inaccurate for me.

I know this is old-fashioned. For me, it grew out of spending an early part of my adult life in quite a formal setting where that was the norm. However, I would never inflict that form of address on anyone or be offended if I was addressed Mrs Myfirstname Husbandsurname (or indeed as Ms). Ideally, we would all have a mechanism to state our own preference rather than bow to the whims of whoever is writing the software!

standing by for the flaming

WTH has it got to do with insecurity???

I don't respond to my husbands name verbally in any context.

Why should I be expected to in a written one?

It's archaic and sexist - has zero to do with any internal sense of security.

I didn't change my name when I married and use Ms as a title. I have never had any issues at all with this.
I've been called Mrs husbands surname by people who know dh personally because they didn't know i hadn't changed my name but never in a professional capacity.
Maybe I've just been lucky?

I don't mind at all.

I have been a Mrs since getting married, it's the reason you do imo.

Have you timetravelled here from the 1950s?

I suppose if I was insecure, lacking confidence, or searching for an identity it might bother me.

Wow. Just wow.

Our work coincides sometimes and a colleague of mine met him and called him Mr Goodhair - made my day!

I booked our honeymoon. A fortnight of DH being addressed as Mr Myname really hammered home how annoying it is being called something you're not.

I hate it; I think it's old-fashioned and just ridiculous. Sorry to get sidetracked but I always wonder if Princess Michael of Kent minds!!

I mind. I'm my own person. We're getting married in 3 weeks and I'm at peace with the fact that DP's family will probably address things to us as Mr & Mrs DP's Surname rather than Mr & Mrs MySurname-HisSurname (we're both double barelling), but if they start with Mr & Mrs HisInitial HisSurname I'll be kicking off

Sorry to get sidetracked but I always wonder if Princess Michael of Kent minds!!

I thought her name was actually Michael and it was a fancy/foreign spelling of Michelle? Is it not?

Yes I mind.

Because it's not my name.

And because it harks back to the days when married women were merely an adjunct of their husband and not a proper person in their own right.

I couldn't care less if I tried. It makes not an iota of difference to me.