To ask if you mind being addressed by your husbands initial?

[Zaratall]

In the process of buying a house and have just received some documentation.

I kept my own name when I got married so my name is Ms Zara Tall.

I've found that this has caused much confusion when dealing with anything official. People can't grasp that I'm a married Ms. So this latter has been addressed to Mrs Zara Tall and Mr My Husband. No biggie.

However the vendors have been named as Mr and Mrs Mansname Vendors.

I can't believe in this day and age people are still leaving women's names off official documentation concerning them.

Do you mind this?

Mr and Mrs OurSurname doesn't bother me as those are our names neither does Mr and Mrs DHinitial & MyInitial OurSurname or DHinitial & MyInitial OurSurname.

Mr & Mrs DH initial Oursurname Does because I feel like it excludes me like I'm half a name. It feels like I'm not important enough to make the list. Either use Mr and Mrs and no initials or use BOTH initials. Don't leave mine off.

I mind. Quite a lot. And I have taken business and charity donations etc. elsewhere when it's happened.

Almost tempting to be a complete shitstirrer and send out my Christmas cards to Mr Tiffany Smith or Mr Brenda Jones and see what happens.

Good idea, Sniv. Write "Mrs and Mr Tiffany Smith".

I loathe it. I changed my name when I got married: I took his surname but I wasn't subsumed into him.

I wish etiquette would catch up with the fact that most married women I know feel the same way - and of course it's not really necessary to mark out a divorced woman either

YANBU- it drives me mad as does having to give a title and/or marital status.

When DP and I were buying our house, the solicitor would write to us and always address DP first, even though I instructed her, his name was taken down as my partner. I could ( maybe) understand it if his name came first alphabetically, but it didn't. She eventually stopped when I explained that we wouldn't be paying her bill if she carried on (I had asked her several times before to correct her mistake).

It seems petty, but it was definitely an indication of her sloppiness and inability to follow instructions!

I wouldn't notice or mind.

I kicked off at npower who insisted on calling me "Dear Sirs" on letters and emails to me about my business account. I pointed out it was old-fashioned, sexist and offensive but they maintained that it is the correct protocol for addressing a female business owner and they refused to budge. I told 'em where to shove it and switched to ecotricity who are a heap cheaper and promised they wouldn't call me Dear Sir (so far, they've held true to promise!)

It enrages me.

I always reply to correspondence addressed in this way politely explaining that my name is not (for example) Brian, so could they please not address me as such in the future.

Many people won't see it as a big deal, I suspect, but it's just another way of enforcing the patriarchy.

I don't mind at all. That is the correct way to do things. I couldn't wait to take my husbands name when we got married, and I knew that part of that would be being addressed together as Mr and Mrs husbands initial lastname.

If I write to Mrs Hisname, I use her initial -she's not called John, Dave or whatever. If write to both Mr and Mrs hisname, I use his initial, I suppose I should use both; Mr A and Mrs B hisname?

if they have different surnames, I write to Mr Hisname and Ms Hername, with their own initials.

on official stuff it is myname and hisname as I didn't change. Once advised, no company or agency seems to have a problem.

That does piss me off, I am not Offred. I have always used my maiden name.

We go by Dr. [my last name] and Mr [Dh's last name], and our son has my Dh's last name (because it's an awesome name whereas mine is boring :-) ) Anytime I get addressed by my husband's name it feels very weird. And I was a Ms before I got my Dr, so being called "Mrs [my last name]" also sounds very strange to me. That's my aunt's name, or my brother's wife's name, not mine. Nothing smug about it -- it's just weird to be called by someone else's name rather than my own. My inlaws are totally cool with me having my own name, which is nice.

Only time it's been really confusing is when we got a letter addressed to Mrs [DH's first name] [DH's last name]. I didn't recognize the handwriting, so we thought it must be a telemarketer or similar writing to my husband, who had got his gender wrong (and his first name is very obviously male)! Then we opened the envelope and realized it was just my sister being weirdly over-formal in an archaic kinda way...

Just today I have phoned up and booked a holiday. I have paid for it & I have given my email address as the contact. Who is named on the email as the primary traveller? my husband. to even further piss me off the person on the phone (a woman) has also given me a new surname, my husband's. This despite me telling her that no, we do not share a name.

Can't stand it. My posh in-laws insist on sending even personal things like cards as "Mr and Mrs H. Surname". So bloody patronising, like I'm an appendage to him or like their family name is more important than my first name.

Say your name was: Ella Banks and you married Brian Husband.

it used to be when you got married you took your husbands surname and became known as

Mrs Brian Husband for formal documents and the like, because know you were a married woman.

When Brian died, you became Mrs Ella Husband

So everybody knew you were widowed, and that Brian may he RIP was dead

But it's 2016 and there's really no need for this anymore.

It infuriates me almost as much when people claim it is correct! It is not correct. I hate hate hate it.....

now not know - dyslexic tired words become a bit muddled

I am always at these threads. The number of people who say 'that's the correct thing' or 'sometimes I am dh's wife' or just see it as normal.

I do wonder how far feminism has to go before such ingrained subservience is seen for what it is. Because it is subservience. That the woman's name and identity is secondary to, or subsumed by, the man's.

Is that offensive? If so, gives an idea of how offensive I find the tradition.

Doesn't worry me, but I can see why it would infuriate.

Fucks me right off as I kept my name when we got married so obviously it is incorrect to address me as Mrs hisinitial hissurname. And I find it's always the older people in our families that tend to use this archaic form of address (sorry for the ageism but it really is).

I object massively. YANBU.

Doesn't bother me at all as I think there is a lot more in life to worry about. If that is the biggest issue you have you are doing really well.

It would bother me very much. Thank God I live in a country that doesn't even use titles, let alone address women by their husband's initial (and no fathers giving away brides here either, husband and wife walk down the aisle together - I appreciate more equality)

Nothing bothered me to be addressed as MR and Mrs (name) greenend. I've never felt less of a person if my dh's name is used. In fact never realised I should be feeling inferior until mumsnet !