To ask if you mind being addressed by your husbands initial?

[Zaratall]

In the process of buying a house and have just received some documentation.

I kept my own name when I got married so my name is Ms Zara Tall.

I've found that this has caused much confusion when dealing with anything official. People can't grasp that I'm a married Ms. So this latter has been addressed to Mrs Zara Tall and Mr My Husband. No biggie.

However the vendors have been named as Mr and Mrs Mansname Vendors.

I can't believe in this day and age people are still leaving women's names off official documentation concerning them.

Do you mind this?

It saddens me that so many people on this thread don't mind. Surely in 2016 all women believe they are equal to men? So why shouldn't this be reflected in how they are addressed? The patriarchy really is very ingrained in some people.

That's true, LRD, but at least you get your first name back and will be known as Mrs LRD ExHname. Suppose that doesn't change ownership.

My DH and I are both academics in closely related fields. People who know me will usually know him independently. They always do a double take when they realise we're married because of the lack of common surname. Then they say "Ah, but of course you kept your name professionally because of your publications." Because clearly privately I must be known as Mrs Hisname .

Ooh, I knew it wouldn't be long until someone came along to tell us how they have more important things to bother about, and proved it by, y'know, making a post on the issue. It would seem that in fact you do have the time and energy to spare on the matter after all!

Also, as others have pointed out, you not seeing why it's an issue is indicative of a problem with your understanding, nothing else.

I don't mean to be rude, but there are bigger things for me to worry about than how I am addressed. Maybe because I'm from an older generation where women were treated as inferior to men. Perhaps I am used to it. But I honestly don't care.

Maybe because I'm from an older generation where women were treated as inferior to men.

Goodness, you're my age!

And my students' age!

And my as-yet-unborn DD's age!

How well you look for your age.

Yes I posted to say I wasn't bothered, as the Op was asking. LRD I don't get your post?

LRD I'm a little bit in love with you for that response

I don't "stress" or "worry" about it, but I don't like it and I don't put up with it when it happens.

This sums it up for me. Calling me by someone else's name is rude and dismissive. I don't tolerate other rude or dismissive behaviour so why should I tolerate this? It may be small, but so are lots of other things. It doesn't mean we should just put up with whatever shit people want to throw at us.

It does irritate me. I don't mind being called Mrs HisSurname, but only because I don't care for carrying on my dad's name as he didn't do anything for me, I think my husband's family is a lovely family to join into and am happy I and our children have this family name.

BUT. My mum is very old-fashioned and insisted on writing any (lovely) invitations or thank you cards to Mr. and Mrs. HisInitial HisSurname. I told her I don't like it as it's all well and good my choosing a new family name, but I've not given up my personal name, and I'm not prepared to lose my identity and become an add-on to my husband (however nice he is). I did say, she can just write Mr and Mrs HisSurname and it'll work fine, but she now uses, 'Mr HisInitial and Mrs HerInitial HisSurname', which i find both a bit silly but rather endearing.

Thanks HOvaries.

fan - what's not to get? Women are still treated as lesser than men. I see no immediate prospect of change (take a look at the US president if you wonder why not).

I don't get the whole, more important things to worry about, argument.

I don't lie awake thinking about these things, but I can still not like something.

Yes LRD I am well aware that women are treated as lesser than men, but I didn't realise that you were saying that from your post. Obviously HoHoHo did.

Nope. No need for feminism. All done and dusted. Such a relief all round.

That is good news.

This drove my DM up the wall back when she got married in the 70s!

I remember her teaching me how to write their names as Mr DDad's initials and Mrs DM's initials Surname - I thought everyone did it that way. They even had it on their bank account

Isn't it?

Yes, brilliant. I can be so much more amiable at work now. No more arguing. I won't have to point out sexism left, right and centre. No worries about short-term contracts of mothers not being renewed and so much more. My students will have no idea how easy they have it.

"That is the correct way to do things"

On what planet is it "correct" to call someone Bob if their name is Susan?

I'm also among those women who are able to multi task. I can therefore not only care about little things and big things simultaneously but also have sufficient imagination to be able to see how all the myriad little things can actually add up to one giant thing....

This bothers me, yes. A lot.

One of my earliest memories of gender equality was my Mum not being able to change insurance premiums because of exactly this- despite all finances being joint, she was a secondary account holder by virtue of being a woman. So many bills were receive with titles along these lines (Mr and Mrs X Mousehole); despite my Mum being the one who'd set up the account.

It really upsets me when it still happens, and I always make a big deal out of it- Twitter screen shot type stuff.

In a financial relationship, to me, it means a company has elevated my husband to the status of primary account holder. It stems from a period where women could not hold property. Thereby, I need a man's permission to fully govern that account, irrespective of my independent means.

It's one of those things that allows men to have financial power over women and denigrates our equal standing.

I'm frankly shocked that anyone with half a brain can reason that it's the "correct" thing to do, or something that doesn't warrant a strong reaction in this day and age...

I mind. And I do worry about it.

I'm another married ms with my own surname.
When my parents married, my mum kept her name. I have her surname. Throughout my childhood and young adulthood, teachers, friends, parents of friends couldn't get round the idea that not only had my mum kept her name but now her children had it. And that she wasn't divorced.

We were recently discussing how little had changed in the intervening 40 plus years.

I'm finding the same issues e.g. Bank assuming joint account to be in husbands surname, others thinking we'll change dcs names because we got married etc. I sent back mortgage docs that had wrong name in them.

So yes I mind. I mind a lot. Its depressing that not much has changed in 40 years.

"It saddens me that so many people on this thread don't mind. Surely in 2016 all women believe they are equal to men? So why shouldn't this be reflected in how they are addressed? The patriarchy really is very ingrained in some people."

Sorry, I seriously do not feel less equal to my husband if I am addressed as Mr and Mrs 'initial' 'surname'.

Am I allowed to say that I don't bat an eyelid at it.

I hate it and refuse to be addressed in that way!

"It saddens me that so many people on this thread don't mind. Surely in 2016 all women believe they are equal to men? So why shouldn't this be reflected in how they are addressed? The patriarchy really is very ingrained in some people."

Sorry, I seriously do not feel less equal to my husband if I am addressed as Mr and Mrs 'initial' 'surname'.

Nope, me neither.