To ask if you mind being addressed by your husbands initial?

[Zaratall]

In the process of buying a house and have just received some documentation.

I kept my own name when I got married so my name is Ms Zara Tall.

I've found that this has caused much confusion when dealing with anything official. People can't grasp that I'm a married Ms. So this latter has been addressed to Mrs Zara Tall and Mr My Husband. No biggie.

However the vendors have been named as Mr and Mrs Mansname Vendors.

I can't believe in this day and age people are still leaving women's names off official documentation concerning them.

Do you mind this?

Also agree with the post above about how many women don't know the facts about their names.

When I got married, my sister asked me how it felt to be Mrs DH Name...

Me: But that's not my name, I'm still Ms WomanWithAltitude.
DSis: No, but legally you're Mrs DHname, underneath.
Me: No, I'm really not. There's no law saying that!
DSis:

I changed my surname when I married because we knew we were planning to start a family and I liked the idea of us all having the same name. He was completely open to the idea of taking my name but my surname was really boring and there are a lot of people with the same first name and surname as me whereas his surname was a bit more interesting and less common and I preferred it. Really bugs me when we get stuff adressed to Mr & Mrs HisInitial OurSurname though.

If people don't mind and it just doesn't matter and who cares - I wonder how it would go down if we start addressing men the same way. "Dear Mr Jane Smith" makes just as much sense.

It's fascinating how very insistent all the "it doesn't matter" and "who cares" people are.

If it really doesn't matter and they really don't care, why don't they just fall in with what those of us who do care want? Surely that would be the most sensible, logical thing to do?

If you kept your own name and go by Ms then it's ridiculous to address you be a completely different name.
However for those that go by Mrs and take their husbands name then this is what they signed up for. You chose it.

However for those that go by Mrs and take their husbands name then this is what they signed up for. You chose it.

Wtf? So someone who takes their husband's surname should be forced to also accept his first name? Really?

However for those that go by Mrs and take their husbands name then this is what they signed up for. You chose it.
Of course it isn't. Who signs up to change their first name as well?

Anybody that thinks that consenting to one thing = consenting to another thing entirely, and that consenting to one thing means that you have no right to complain when the second thing happens, because you 'chose it'..... has a very concerning world view.

Would a man who took his wife's surname ever be told that he signed up for being called Mr Jane Smith, and has no right to complain about it, I wonder?

"for those that go by Mrs and take their husbands name then this is what they signed up for. You chose it."

Nope. I signed up for his surname. I have a perfectly good first name thanks, didn't sign up to change that. It's still right there on my passport.

However for those that go by Mrs and take their husbands name then this is what they signed up for. You chose it.

Don't be silly!

Not silly.
That's the tradition. You knew that was what Mrs meant. It's a sexist tradition.
Don't go by Mrs, don't take a mans name. It's just as sexist.

It may be a sexist tradition, but it's still possible to sign up for part of it but not the rest.

Our bank account is "Mrs X and Mr YZ surname' perfect.

I mind.

I wish I'd kept my name, but it's been 14 years now.

I am older so grew up with this being ''correct''. But I am sure it will be dropped in time. With letters being less commone mails having taken over I am pretty sure students are not now carefully taught when to use 'yours faithfully' and when to use 'yours sincerely' at the end of letters. I used to know and was always careful to use the correct one. But I have forgotten!
Is Mr and Mrs A Frankley still being taught in secretarial courses or whatever as the correct way to do it?

Yy to whoever said it grates when people change their name so quickly on Facebook. Laura Trott did the same on Twitter. Ok change it, but the speed is a bit

Yours faithfully is only used of you're not addressing the recipient by name at the start of the letter (e.g saying 'Dear Sir/Madam') :-D

Yes, I mind. It boils my piss.

I would mind massively. It's ridiculous and archaic.

Thankfully, it never happens to me.

Like someone upthread, our bank account is Mrs and Mr.

Haven't rtft but would like to add my name to the register of those on here who hate being known by the misnomer of their husbands name.

Doesn't matter how many time I tell the ILs either, although worth pointing out that my family seem to be on board - in latin America it is common for the husband and wife to have distinct double barrelled names which then get merged when they have children

E.g.

Ms A-B married Mr C-D
Children are known as Master/Ms A-C

Ms A-C married Mr E-F
Children are known as Master/Ms A-E

Master A-E marries Mr G-H
Children are known as A-G

So on and so forth. Couples are autonomous in their surnames and then bound by the surname of their offspring.

Frankley Never sin with a sir, that's how I was taught to remember the 'rule'

Not silly

Yes it is. People can sign up for a family name without absolving their first name entirely.

I have a school Mum friend whose husband (and subsequent kids) took her surname. Should he now expect mail addressed to Mr [her initial] [family surname]?

Thedowager
No he shouldn't unless he goes by Mrs. That's what Mrs means.
It's why I wouldn't go by Mrs.

How many people who do this (that is, call women Mrs Hisinital Hisname) know that Mrs means 'wife of'? Not many, I'd wager.