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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Page boys' parents won't let them wear their outfits (that I picked)... AIBU to think it's ridiculous?

318 replies

GabsViolet · 21/11/2016 11:05

I have 2 best friends, who are like my sisters, and I'm really close to their little boys. I wanted them to be page boys - my friends were really happy about this. Now they don't want them to be, due to the outfits... They 'came to a joint agreement' whatever that means...

I'm really hurt - I also think it's a bit ridiculous!

OP posts:
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5
BigGreenOlives · 21/11/2016 11:27

I think that pre-schoolers are too young to wear suits, maybe that is their issue?

BumWad · 21/11/2016 11:27

Outfits are cute. Your friends are being dicks.

Seeline · 21/11/2016 11:28

If a 4yo doesn't want to wear a pink waistcoat - believe me on a stressful day, when to a certain extent they will be outside of your control, I know what I would go for. Anything rather than them sulking/screaming/undressing at inappropriate moments. They are not old enough to understand that the bride wants this, they are not old enough to really decide whether it's something they really want to do.
I think if the parents are expressing concerns, you count your lucky stars now. If you really want the page boys, you need a chat with the parents to find out what the real issue is.

Yawnyawnallday · 21/11/2016 11:28

Weird friends to make a drama about this.

bloodymaria · 21/11/2016 11:28

Ask them perhaps? It seems unlikely that anyone here will be able to cast light on this for you.

PhilODox · 21/11/2016 11:28

It's not really nice manners though, is it? My DD has been a bridesmaid several times (we were the first in our group of friends to have children!) and sometimes the dress was nicer than other times Wink but we would never have said anything!
Weddings are stressful enough as it is, without bm/page boys getting in on the act.

Cguk81 · 21/11/2016 11:30

I think the suit is really nice. I reckon their problem is a. They don't want the boys in pink Hmm or b. They don't like little people being dressed like grown ups (but this is for their friends wedding so surely they would just suck it up even if it's not to their taste, or C. There is something else going on. Have you made any other plans for the boys that they might not be keen on?

SaucyJack · 21/11/2016 11:30

I don't know what to think. Are they both particularly strong-willed children? A three year old made to wear something they don't like can gleefully spoil the occasion for anyone within a 50m radius TBF.

If it's not the kids, then it's the parents. If so, I'm inclined to think that they're not real friends and they don't want to make your wedding unnecessarily pleasant for you.

Original poster
GabsViolet · 21/11/2016 11:30

Sorry, my internet just went. Am reading through now!

OP posts:
Scarydinosaurs · 21/11/2016 11:31

Your first question after they said that was obviously "why?"

Seeline · 21/11/2016 11:32

A three year old made to wear something they don't like can gleefully spoil the occasion for anyone within a 50m radius TBF.

This

Yoarchie · 21/11/2016 11:32

It will be the pink. My ds at 4 would not have put anything on in that shade of pink. He wouldn't go near anything pink. It's because of peer pressure and this does exist at nursery. Both my kids physically recoil at the prospect of wearing something that will lay them open to teasing. It's definitely something learnt at nursery/school. When we were abroad and ran out of ds clothing, he didn't mind wearing dd's only remaining tshirt that was pink. But nobody knew him abroad so it was fine.

TinyTear · 21/11/2016 11:32

But for a wedding I'd bribe them with chocolate and let them remove the waistcoat after the photos

2014newme · 21/11/2016 11:33

Did they say why? Did you ask?
It's very rude to say that they don't like the outfits and that they won't be page boys. They do not sound like real friends. Teal friends say nothing even if it's a hideous outfit or they tactfully suggest an alternative.
Sorry your friends are so mean!

daisymunchero · 21/11/2016 11:33

Op you surely asked what their problem with the outfits is ?

GrabtharsHammer · 21/11/2016 11:33

My sil did this to us. Wouldn't let dn (3) be a pageboy as he wouldn't want to wear the (as yet unchosen) suit. Was no skin off my nose, until she brought him on the day. In a suit.

Dickhead.

minisoksmakehardwork · 21/11/2016 11:33

I suspected the waistcoats might be pink, and I'd honestly lay money on that being the issue.

However, I'd also be grown up enough to tell you that my 4 year old son would point blank refuse to wear pink. Even though I've explained it to him a million times that it is just a colour, he has it stuck in his head that pink is for girls. I would encourage, I would bribe. But I couldn't guarantee that on the day he would actually wear it and I'd want you to know that before the event.

The only thing you can do is ask your friends to be honest about what the problem is to see if you can fix it. If it's that the parents don't want the pink, well they can lump it. But if the boys absolutely won't wear it, is there scope for swapping it to another, complementary colour?

NapQueen · 21/11/2016 11:34

Id just say "ah ok, no worries, ill ask someone else"

Trifleorbust · 21/11/2016 11:34

From my perspective, asking your friends' children to be page boys should be considered to be an honour on both sides - if they see it as a favour and wish to decline, that is their prerogative but it's bad manners. Just say okay, sell the outfits on eBay and move on.

Original poster
GabsViolet · 21/11/2016 11:36

All the boys will have pink like that - even DF! The navy will also be on all the boys, for their suits. Bridesmaids have dresses in that pink. I promise they all look lovely! Grin

No... Shoes are these

They haven't exactly told me why, just saying that the outfits don't 'suit' their child.

OP posts:
Yoarchie · 21/11/2016 11:37

I would change the waistcoats for ivory to avoid the problem. I'm not saying they're in the right btw, I'm just suggesting how you might get past this.

Scarydinosaurs · 21/11/2016 11:37

Then you ask "what is it about them you don't think will suit them?"

shallichangemyname · 21/11/2016 11:37

That is very odd behaviour - the talking behind your back and then attempting a pincer movement (announcing they are both "resigning" and informing you it's a joint agreement). Why didn't one/both of them just say "Little Jonny will have a fit if you make him wear pink, any chance of changing the waistcoat?" (eg a white one would go with the wedding party wouldn't it?) or even "I had visions of Little Jonny dressed in a cutesey sailor outfit, can't we look for one of those instead of a suit?".... either or both of them could have found alternative outfits and suggested them to you without causing offence.

I too am wondering if there is a deeper reason behind it, because there are umpteen ways in which a really good friend who is like a sister to you could raise this? Is it possible you've unwittingly turned into Bridezilla? Even so, the situation is redeemable - could you perhaps make a joke out of it and ask them to suggest outfits that go with the bridal party?
PS. My DS "resigned" as my bridesmaid in a spectacular hissy fit, on the pretext that she wanted to wear blue and I had simply said I wasn't sure yet what the colour would be, but really it was because she hated my DH - we are not close and tbh her resignation was a relief. But this is different, these are your close friends.

FannyFifer · 21/11/2016 11:37

How strange. What did they think would be the outfits for page boys.
Hope you can return them.
Weirdos

clumsyduck · 21/11/2016 11:38

That's really not a good enough reason to say they won't be doing it .
I'd be honoured if a friend asked my ds to be pageboy
People can be incredibly self centred and entitled . Yuk

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