to ask what funny things you said in labour?

[ollieplimsoles]

Me and dh were just reminiscing about dd's birth just over a year ago. I had been hypnobirthing and was trying to remain cool and calm through the whole thing...

...then I hit transition. I remember the worst contraction of the whole ordeal forcing me to the floor howling and throwing up, dh looked on in horror and when it was over I bawled 'I swear its not as bad as it looks!!'

I also told him that I was thirsty "but its ok I've found a lake, oh wait its a mirage" I was hallucinating on g&a.

Anyone else?

'Lots of first timers think that come on you'll be fine'

This happened to me as well! Midwife came to get me from the induction ward to take me up to labour ward, I walked all the way there trying to convince her that dd was falling out of me, she was nearly born in the lift!

On the midwife's instruction that I should stop screaming, my only coherent comment ( shout, at the top of my voice) during the whole four hours...
"It bloody hurts!"

I dread to think how I must have looked, as I got too hot so I stripped off completely and was on the bed on all fours, completely stark naked screaming "I can't do this any more!"

Hahaha. This was me! I stripped off the second I got in the birthing room. Admittedly I was using the pool but then got fished out to be monitored so spent several hours stark bollock naked on a bed. I pooed as well. I didn't realise but my DH kindly told me later that he could assure me I definitely did.
I thought it was totally normal to do the whole thing naked but all my mum friends have done faces when it's come up in conversation!

I said "yes, I think I'm going to die". Midwife has written in my notes "mother coping well".

!!!

"I want to go home" (at 7cms)
"My tummy hurts" (whist having a general anaesthetic administered)
And shouting at the top of my voice "get off your really hurting me"
To the doctor doing an internal examination

And my friend (high on gas and air) started raging about how someone she knows walks with a stick and she doesn't need a stick she just does it for the benefits 😂

Not anything I said, but my overriding memory (apart from DH arriving as DD was being resuscitated - too scary) was all the wasps in the delivery room. I would have accepted that I was out of it on gas and air, but DH was killing them with the newspaper, so they must have been real.

I said to my DH 'get my things, I'm discharging myself' as a midwive was inserting a cannula in my hand and blood was spraying everywhere! (mid contraction- not so well timed!). The room looked like a murder scene.

I also sent my DH to 'kick off and get me some drugs' when I was told the dr was on their break so couldn't prescribe pethidine. When the prescription eventually turned up I apologied on behalf of my husband and claimed I had no idea why he was so badly behaved!

With ds1 I had 3rd degree tears, so they got the surgeon down to stich me up. I was completely off my face on g&a Half way through he was asking the midwife if she could find him some batteries for his pager, I got muddled up with suppositories and had a huge rant at him accusing him of sticking square ones up my arse I think I told him if my legs weren't in the stirrups I would kick his face in.

Poor dh was mortified and kept apologiseing while clutching the baby covered in baby wee and my vomit

Ha! I was stark naked the start to finish... And guzzled so much water, DP worried I'd get water toxicity....

Maybe I did - it would explain why I pushed baby out screaming repeatedly "COME ON BABY" like a football hooligan on at their team ...

I thought it was totally normal to do the whole thing naked but all my mum friends have done shock faces when it's come up in conversation!

I thought it was normal too until reading various threads on labour/giving birth and finding out most mums keep their clothes on! By that point so many doctors and nurses in that hospital had seen me naked anyway because I had spent a month in there due to complications, so I wasn't fussed any more about who saw me naked, could have marched a herd of student doctors in there and I wouldn't have cared!

I had a quick labour and contractions whilst fast were quite sporadic so the midwife asked me to tell her when my next contraction came, It was an intense one and I shouted "I am coming, I am coming", obviously not quite what I meant.....

"Is it like Mary Poppins' bag? Are you going to pull a lamp out?" said me to the midwife who said my raggy membranes "just kept coming". Obviously was off my head on G&A

SIL is a midwife. I'll have to ask her about the funniest things she's heard women say in labour.

You stop caring about modesty after a few hours of labour and what seems like the whole labour ward has had a look or feel of your fanny.

I watched someone have a quick birth in disbelief she came in she just started labour then after 20 mins in she said baby was coming cue chaos as they shifted her to a private room.

She had the baby ten mins later.

With D's I had an epidural,went to sleep and woke up shouting at dp and DM for staring at me and being too quiet.
With dd Was moved from the lovely birthing suite to a medical room and cried because I wanted to sit on a sofa and they wouldn't let me bounce on the birthing ball space hopper style across to the other unitThen cried that I didn't want to "do this with the frogs looking at me" there was a green glass ceiling panel, but I was convinced there were frogs.

I announced that I had though it over and if Rachel from friends could have a baby then I could too - codeine is not good for me!

Fuck off you cunt has just finished me off.

i have been poohing for 29 years, i know when i've poohed and i've poohed and what about the mooing? came close though.

Like many pps I announced my transition by indicating I was not intending to continue. DS2 was precipitate so we were lucky to reach hospital, and in the car park mid contraction I growled at DH "We are not having three children - we're not fucking having this one!"

kitty

My anaesthetist was having problems finding a vein for my canular.
Apparently I told her that druggies didn't have such a problem and suggested she find one in a&e to help her.

Oh god I was awful I told my partner to go home and fetch my dog because I wanted a cuddle,

Told the nurse I could just cross my legs he could live there

Thought there was a cow outside because the gas n air sounded like I was mooing n kept asking them to make the farmer piss off

Then after many failed attempts at epidural I told the anesatist to keep his little prick away from me it was his fault it was hurting, he looked at me like he wanted to laugh n asked if I was talking to him or my fella so I kicked him

I thought I was drunk and at a nightclub. I asked dh to go to the bar and buy me a vodka and lime!

Everytime they checked the baby heartbeat i was sing bumdidd bumdiddy boop bum bum oh goodness gracious me like Peter Sellers