To be fucked off with in laws always asking me?!

[NickNacks]

DH owns a mobile phone.

In laws even have his number.

He answers and replies to messages to that number.

However every question is directed at me? What shall we get the dc for Christmas being the latest one. Argh. Ask him! I can't imagine for one second my aunt or brother or mum texting DH to ask our plans for new year. Isn't it sexist? Aibu?

Sorry, this:

No, simply pointing out that dividing people's ability to give advice on what their parents

Should read '...on what their children might like as gifts is based on sex or gender is nonsensical, given the non-role of their sex organs in those activities.'

I won't take the piss out of your dh being a house husband

Seriously? It's like stumbling into the 1950s. Or a really badly written column in the Daily Mail.

I suppose its wrong that I find your post somehow very funny itsmine.

Btw, it is "normal" for many couples (perhaps a majority, I'm not sure) to both work full time. No sahp about it.

He may be normal but surely you must admit in our culture father's tend to work not be house husbands/sahp whatever you want to call it.

Irrelevant. The point is that it is untrue to suggest that only SAHPs are capable of knowing their children's likes and dislikes. There is nothing about working that renders parents incapable of communicating with their children.

I'm divorced and my ex-MIL STILL asks me what the DCs want!!! Speak to your son!!! Grrrrr

Why on earth would that rile you?

MIL WILL speak to her son as to what DD wants for Xmas. However she will also double check with me as I imagine ex-DH doesn't have a running tally of what she has at my house, just like I don't have a clue what she has at his house!

Oh for God's sake. Poor woman can't win. She is asking you what your children would like for Christmas not complaining about your housekeeping abilities. She's probably trying to be nice and making sure you are included and respected in the family. Sexism? Not really. About as sexist as a man holding the door open for you.

Come off it, lostold. If you want to show someone they are included and respected, would your first thought really be to ask them about their children's Xmas present wishes? It's perfectly clear that she asked OP because she regards anything to do with children as wifework and not something to bother her own son with.

Jesus. I wouldn't give a toss if my mother in law asked me what my children would like for Christmas. I'd think...that's nice...she wants to buy them something they like and values my opinion. That's it. And yes...I work before I'm accused of being a stay at home mother.

I think people are getting too bound up in the what do the children want for Christmas issue. PP has made it clear that that is merely the latest example, and has also cited asking her what their plans for the new year are. The point is that they do it every time when they could just as easily ask their son, and that the strong likelihood is that they do it because they regard his work as too important and/or that they regard all of this as wifework.

If a mother didn't know what her dcs would like for Christmas she'd be put in the stocks!

But men can be like this and still be 'good fathers'.

To all these bewildered old girls who are trying to do the right thing:
JUST BUY THE BLOODY GOAT IN AFRICA!

oooh yes terribly offensive no, obviously not. Just no need to keep saying you have a vagina over and over?

I think you may have imagined all but, er, one. Maybe an unhealthy hangup?

Sorry, I went back and checked and I was wrong, it was twice. Or rather, I mentioned mine only once, and vaginas in general once (until you objected, and I've mentioned them a lot more since then. Irony.)

But when we're talking about innate differences between men and women, genitalia become pretty relevant as one of the few actual differences.

The point is that they do it every time when they could just as easily ask their son

Why?!

Why not? Are you seriously suggesting it isn't just as easy to ask their sons?

Maybe the mil likes having a chat with dil, imagine that

Clearly OP doesn't believe that's her motivation, and it seems a reasonable bet that she knows a hell of a lot more about it than you do.

We get our children to write Christmas lists, and then we offer those suggestions to our respective families. Except now dh doesn't really talk to his family much and they send the children (teenagers) money. Neither of us would off hand know what shopkins equivalent they had without checking, we both buy gifts for our children and I'm not and have never been 'wifey'.

I don't recall my mum ringing dh for ideas when he was a SAHD. All family phone numbers are in our joint (physical) address book. I wonder how much of this rubbish is caused by so many people having personal phones, where in the past you rang the house phone and asked whichever parent answered, now you can choose to speak to your relative or your IL. Seems odd to me so many mothers apparently prefer to talk to their DILs rather than their sons.

This is where sometimes MIL cannot win. There is probably at least 10 threads on page 1 alone about how the MIL has not asked the OP (usually the mother) permission about toys/ sweets/Christmas stockings and many more. The DH rarely gets a mention other the a nodding head he agrees with me. I would expect my DP to phone MIL and ask her to ask him if it bothered me.

Most of them seem to forget that they will be that MIL one day.

Yeah, but we're probably trying to raise our sons not to be numpties, and we wouldn't dream of treating their female partners as the default parents unless they'd clearly taken on that role for themselves.

I'd like to emphasise I don't have this problem. PIL didn't raise a numpty, he is fully able to get involved with what's important to the kids, and to discuss it with his parents and me.