To be fucked off with in laws always asking me?!

[NickNacks]

DH owns a mobile phone.

In laws even have his number.

He answers and replies to messages to that number.

However every question is directed at me? What shall we get the dc for Christmas being the latest one. Argh. Ask him! I can't imagine for one second my aunt or brother or mum texting DH to ask our plans for new year. Isn't it sexist? Aibu?

Interesting. I didn't know my vagina had magic shopkins-inventory-keeping powers

And you also said:

'Even the most normal husband would have to refer back to wifey if his mother rang him asking what shopkins shit she should get little Emily* for Christmas because quite frankly it would be pretty damn weird if he knew exactly what she had at home.'

Or do 'normal' husbands not have wifeys who work?

And in response to Disney specifically talking about broader and more general situations, you referred back only to your own. There's quite a pattern to your posts.

Being the family pa is a pain in the arse. Keeping a list of possible presents in mind is a pain in the arse. Sharing the load would be fairest in most people's situations (I doubt most women have children with oh so important men that have to jet round the globe at the drop of a hat).

I've just realised I'm being asked by everyone what to get dc for birthdays/ Xmas. I'm saying Lego, superheroes, board games. Duplicates aren't the end of the world, particularly with Lego that ends up in a big box here anyway. Stand your ground op, men are capable of suggesting suitable toys too!

In some families one person is often the one who is better at choosing toys for the DCs. Perhaps your IL think you're that person OP.

I know one family where the man, without discussion with his DP, always goes out and buys the most ridiculous, huge, over priced toys for their DC, the toys are usually way too advanced for the DC and are too large for their house. I certainly wouldn't be asking him what to buy for their DCs.

Perhaps your IL feel they are being polite to you rather than, as they might see it, by passing you and asking their son what the DCs would like.

Might be kinder to cut them a bit of slack and understand that in, what I imagine is their age group, women would have been the ones to deal with this.

Poor IL, probably trying to get it right and having no intentions of insulting you or being sexist, just can't do right. Would you be happier if they completely ignored you and treated you as if you were just an extension of your DH. I've been there and trust me, it's not nice and that really is sexist.

Jassy if my imaginary MIL rang to ask me what Shopkins my imaginary DD wanted for Christmas I would have to go and look because that sort of stuff is not forged in my brain.

I find it almost impossible to believe that it would be forged in the brains of every working ( or not ) father too.

Indeed. They would have to do exactly what you do, which is also what I do, which is go and check.

I can say that with certainty as that's what my DH (who works full time) does. He does not need to get me to do it for him.

Unless he's not 'normal'? Having a wife who works, and being interested in his kids' presents, and all that?

Jassy if my imaginary MIL rang to ask me what Shopkins my imaginary DD wanted for Christmas I would have to go and look because that sort of stuff is not forged in my brain. I find it almost impossible to believe that it would be forged in the brains of every working ( or not ) father too.

So why therefore do you say that every normal father would have to ask wifey? Why is it her job to go and check or ask the DD, why can't he do it?

Well you're married to a better man than me because let's face it your H knowing exactly what shopkins his DD has is the mark of a brilliant husband and dad

Are you misrepresenting on purpose, or is it accidental? I thought we'd agreed it wasn't reasonable for anyone, penis or not, to have that knowledge. It's what they do next that matters. Do they go and check themselves, or do they seek the nearest vagina-haver to check for them?

Incidentally, I'm quite thankful to say that neither DH nor I would know a shopkins if we fell over one in the street. They seem to induce unreasonable levels of resentment and rage in people.

I think the issue here is the assumption that, even when both partners are working, it's automatically the wife's job to act as her husband's secretary and that he's too important to know or find out about things like his children's timetables and what they want for Christmas. And some men encourage that view because it sort of accords with their own, and of course because it leaves them free to use all that important headspace for things like sorting out the next football match or golf game or moving to the next level on the X Box game.

I wrote normal referring to the poster who said that it wasn't normal for fathers to not know what their dc want for Christmas.

And in doing so you made a statement about what you did consider normal. Which you either stand behind, or you don't.

It may well be normal for men not to know what their kids want for Christmas, or to be not that interested, as another poster said. If that's normal I will thank fuck that I married someone abnormal, and that most of the men I know well are also abnormal, because I think 'normal' sounds quite sad.

I guess it depends who's at home at the time when the person asking what shopkins/x box games/ books the DC want?

Not really. If the in-laws always phone the DiL direct, or phone at a time when they know their son will be out at work, they are making a very deliberate choice. The MiL of a friend of mine always used to phone her on her work number, because of course her work was so much less important than her husband's that it didn't matter interrupting her, did it? It took months of increasingly terse "Sorry, MiL, I have no idea and I've got to go to a meeting" statements before the message eventually got through.

One of my BILs thinks I am DH secretary (he's also a total dick and we try ignoring him sometimes anyway because he's a dick)

If DH doesn't reply to his text within 10 minutes he texts me to tell me I need to tell him so I reply 'I'm at work, DH is at work 30 miles and DH isn't allowed to use his mobile at work etc' frequently

He will also FB message me to tell me - I think because you can see if someone has read the message. So I never ever read his messages (and he still persists).

Yes, obviously the husband can tell his mother to pack it in. But the issue is in part that his mother makes that assumption in the first place, isn't it? And in fact it's not unknown for some people to carry on even when their son has asked them not to - that's what happened with my friend, because her MiL still believed that she knew best.

I don't think anyone's saying it's malicious. But it's sexist and annoying, and begins to be less than benign in intent if it continues after suggestions to call their son.

He may be normal but surely you must admit in our culture father's tend to work not be house husbands/sahp whatever you want to call it.

No, it's not, but that's not relevant at all.

Anyway Jassy you haven't responded to my suggestion 'Perhaps follow your own advice: 'What you don't seem capable of appreciating, Navy, is that not all families operate like yours '

Which I've done. It works for her, fine - but she shouldn't extrapolate to all other families or 'normal' husbands what she experiences in her own home.

I won't take the piss out of your dh being a house husband and you don't take the piss out of a mil asking the dil for ideas for Christmas, how does that grab you?^

Well, DH isn't a 'house husband' - he works full time too - but if you were to take the piss out of any parent who stayed home with their kids full time I'd think you were an arse.

I didn't take the piss out of anyone, except ideas of 'normal' based on sex; I pointed out that anyone who automatically assumes that the mother is the one to ask about children's gifts is indulging in sexist behaviour.

Also must you include penis or vagina in most of your posts are you trying to be funny or something?

No, simply pointing out that dividing people's ability to give advice on what their parents

I don't think penis or vagina are particularly offensive words. Do you?