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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fucked off with in laws always asking me?!

259 replies

NickNacks · 18/11/2016 19:45

DH owns a mobile phone.

In laws even have his number.

He answers and replies to messages to that number.

However every question is directed at me? What shall we get the dc for Christmas being the latest one. Argh. Ask him! I can't imagine for one second my aunt or brother or mum texting DH to ask our plans for new year. Isn't it sexist? Aibu?

OP posts:
Aderyn2016 · 18/11/2016 21:10

Of course my dh knows what the kids interests are, but that is not really the same thing as knowing what else they'd like for Christmas or what I've bought already. I just can't see this as important.

Original poster
NickNacks · 18/11/2016 21:10

thespottedzebra worse than that I work from home and mil once asked me when I was 'going back to work' after the youngest started school. Grin

OP posts:
NavyandWhite · 18/11/2016 21:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheSpottedZebra · 18/11/2016 21:11

But Aderyn it's important enough for the OP to start this thread, and for others to post on it. Why would you dismiss it so because you're happy with your set-up?

llangennith · 18/11/2016 21:13

I ask my DIL as a matter of courtesy and also because she is far more likely to tell me what DGS would like than my DS who either wouldn't have a clue or would suggest something totally inappropriate.
The one time I asked my son he suggested a Playmobil Pirate ship. Turned out DGS already had 4!
I like my DILSmile

WellErrr · 18/11/2016 21:13

If a father has no idea what his children are into then it's not great to be honest.

firawla · 18/11/2016 21:13

I wouldn't mind questions like this but my inlaws often text or email me to pass messages on to dh or to tell me that dh hadn't called or replied their text etc and that is extremely annoying!

Italiangreyhound · 18/11/2016 21:13

Nicknacks "I'm not upset that they want to buy my children presents - where did I say I did?"

I'm only asking because you said 'fucked off with in laws' which to me is a pretty strong response.

Re "He doesn't get it either." You've got a choice, answer or don't, direct them to him and force him to it through hours of kids tv looking at the adverts or scanning the internet to find the things they want.

I guess I just think it is shame that it is so annoying but if you both work the same amount of hours and spend the same amount of time with the kids then he should know. My dh doesn't because he works longer hours and I think he is not as interested in them getting exactly what they want for Christmas. Not because he doesn't love them, it is just not as important to him!

Original poster
NickNacks · 18/11/2016 21:14

But the point is that dh is as capable of answering the questions as I am.

OP posts:
TheSpottedZebra · 18/11/2016 21:14

I feel your pain re the wfh, Nick . But not with my mil, with my partner's aunt. She's a popper-inner, too.
She drives past and if she sees my car, rings and rings and rings and rings on the door.

NavyandWhite · 18/11/2016 21:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyGiddyUncle · 18/11/2016 21:15

He is a loving, involved dad, who busts his arse to get home for parent's evenings, helps the kids with hwk, takes them to the park, talks to them and is fully a part of their lives

I find it quite odd that those things can all be true but he wouldn't be able to answer questions about their current interests or what sort of things they might like

I know my dc well but I find it really difficult to answer the 'what can I get the dc...' question. Yes I know what they're into - football, pokemon, minecraft, board games. But they're all a bit general to use as a response. When I'm browsing online or in a shop I see loads of things that I know they'll love...but off the top of my head? The question usually results in 'Uhhhhh...' I don't think that's an indicator of parenting ability or how much you love or know your dc, which is what many people are implying.

Italiangreyhound · 18/11/2016 21:15

NickNacks why don't you take the bull by the horns and ask them why they do it? I bet they do not even think about why they do it, it is just ingrained.

itsmine · 18/11/2016 21:16

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Italiangreyhound · 18/11/2016 21:16

Get your dh to pre-empt the questions and tell the gps what kids want?

TheSpottedZebra · 18/11/2016 21:17

MyGiddyUncle I commend you in knowing your DC well. But if you don't know what they might like for presents, who would you ask?

Katinkka · 18/11/2016 21:17

God, does it really matter that much?

Yes this stuff also falls to me but on the flip side, I never mow the lawn, do any car maintenance, clean the gutters, unblock the drains etc

I think some people just like being angry.

itsmine · 18/11/2016 21:20

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JassyRadlett · 18/11/2016 21:20

My dh doesn't because he works longer hours and I think he is not as interested in them getting exactly what they want for Christmas. Not because he doesn't love them, it is just not as important to him!

Yeah, I find that quite sad, actually. But then, one of the things that attracted me to DH was his approach to this sort of thing, which I get isn't universal. Fortunately I don't know that many blokes who fit into that other category.

JassyRadlett · 18/11/2016 21:23

Dh is a great df but he isnt always tuned in to what the latest thing is on the dcs must have list

Eh, i just said I find it odd, not impossible. I still do, but DH and I are pretty equal in our parenting and I can't imagine the kids chattering on to me about something without doing likewise with him. I can see how it would be different if one parent spends a vast amount more time with the children and the other is very limited in their time with the kids, but that didn't seem to be the scenario described.

NavyandWhite · 18/11/2016 21:24

This reply has been deleted

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itsmine · 18/11/2016 21:25

This reply has been deleted

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callmeadoctor · 18/11/2016 21:26

I asked my son in law what his 2 year old and 6 year old would like for xmas, he replied "text the wife". Its bloody ridiculous! OP I am on your side!

JassyRadlett · 18/11/2016 21:26

Men can be great fathers in a million other ways than knowing what their DC want for Christmas you know Jassy.

I'll take your word for it. I just can't imagine my DH having such a different relationship with our kids that he'd miss out entirely on information they were sharing about what they wanted for Christmas or what their general interests were, that I somehow had complete access to. Our relationships with our kids is just not that separate or different.

Scottishchick39 · 18/11/2016 21:57

I don't see the problem, I'm the one in our family who does all the Christmas shopping. I adore Christmas and it's like a military operation. DH sometimes (always 😜) is as surprised at what 'santa' has brought as the kids are. He is very hands on with the kids and knows what they like playing with but he knows I'm clued up on the latest toys or crazes that the kids would enjoy so leaves the present buying to me. I don't think it's sexist, he leaves me to do it as I enjoy it and he hates it.
Everyone in our family (his and mine) message me to find out what to get the kids, very rarely would they ask him.