Help. Desperate to give up teacher training.

[PamplemousseRouge]

Hi everyone.

I've posted here a couple of times before about my situation.

I'm training to be a teacher, and I'm struggling massively, to the point where I'm constantly seriously depressed and honestly struggle to find a point to still being here. Sorry this is so clumsily said - I hope I get the idea across.

I started training in August, and have been feeling overwhelmed, depressed and anxious since then.

I feel that it's relevant to add here that I also have extremely low self-esteem and low self-confidence.

I've never felt like this on such a regular basis. The depression, anxiety and inferiority that I feel is something that I've felt very day since starting, and it's never ever been so bad as now.

I also feel a huge sense of frustration, as I feel that I'm putting in a huge amount of effort but I still run out of hours in the day to get everything done. And I haven't been able to find time to look after myself properly, which I'm sure is also adding to my general feeling. I feel constantly tired, hungry and absolutely worn-out.

I'm seriously considering giving up. This sounds terrible, I know.

I'm wondering if I could look for another job at this stage? As in a non teaching job. And what my options are really. I'm particularly worried that companies and employers will overlook me once they see that I haven't completed teacher training and gave it up just three months in. Help.

I'm really, really struggling.

Any advice at all about how to help?

I've been to see my GP, who's said they'll reference me for counselling but I am still waiting to hear back about this.

Just feeling so completely down.

I would leave. It doesn't get easier in a standard secondary and will not make you happy. If you have the option/background you could look at retraining in a college? I moved from secondary to college and genuinely love it and enjoy teaching again. Much less paperwork, much more emphasis on student enjoyment and progress without constant crappy data. There are teacher training courses specifically for FE/HE which are still hard work but allow you to earn alongside.

Whatever you do make sure you do what is best for you. Don't worry what others think. We had people drop out of our pgce cohort and others left teaching since and no one judges them. Teaching isn't for everyone just as any career doesn't suit everyone.

If I'm honest I wish I'd given up during my teacher training year. I'm now 5 years in and don't know what else I could do now.

Absolutely agree sometimes recognising what is NOT for you is a really great step forward! Just anecdotally I know:
1 person who completed pgce, taught for 1 yr, hated it, did tefl and is still travelling years later having a bloody great time.
1 person who did pgce, taught for 1 term, hated it, got totally different job as publishing PA, much happier.
1 person who did pgce, completed the course but knew she would hate teaching, went into copywriting / digital marketing and is now digital analyst.
1 person who did pgce, hated it, retrained as nursery nurse.
1 person who did pgce, hated it, retrained as social worker.

The only people I know who are happy teaching are art teachers!!

There are so, so many other options open to you, you've tried it, found you don't enjoy it or get any satisfaction from it, it is valid to now look at other options. It's braver than sticking miserably to something you hate.

Hi

Just to echo other posts, I think it would be wise to leave now. The signs are there that this isn't the field for you - and that's fine. Hundreds of people will tell you that teaching is not for them too - so you have not failed.

What you should consider though, if you push on through regardless of what you have said here - is of course your own health but also the challenges that lay ahead. After your PGCE, you will have to do your NQT Induction Year - and that is massively stressful, if not more than the PGCE itself. If you fail it - you can't repeat it or teach in a state school. In addition you will have the added pressure of having an actual class and job....you mention not wanting to let the students down now and that's one of the reasons you haven't left yet but if you get an NQT job, you will let the students and school down more if things go wrong for you then. Right now you are just a trainee teacher on placement - you are not in employment so although you have responsibility towards the students its not on the same level as it will be next year.

What I am trying to say is leaving now is better than leaving in the future. For you and for the pupils. And there's no shame in that - in fact it shows strength and that you are self-reflective. I write all this as someone who works in education recruitment. I'd rather employ someone in another role who left a PGCE than employ an NQT who is struggling so much and yet unable to seek help or to reflect upon their own learning and situation.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Thank you everyone. I think it's probably best if I leave the PGCE year now as I'm really struggling to see how I can carry on.

I actually spoke to another teacher at my school who's also going to be leaving - like me, she only started recently at the school, although she'd already qualified as a teacher in another country before starting at the school. And another teacher who started this year at the school is going to be leaving at Christmas to work somewhere else (not in teaching).

I'm so scared about failing the PGCE year and NQT year, and how there would be no going back if I didn't pass the year. It's also been strongly suggested to me by my tutors that I'm not on track to pass this year.

I actually work in an academy, as they can obviously employ unqualified teachers. I've heard, since starting the job, that academies are known for working their staff particularly hard. An NQT told me this, and I don't doubt there's some truth in it.

Out of interest, for those who work in academies or similar, do you feel under a lot of pressure? I think the pressure's the worst for me at the moment. The staff at my particular school are particularly positive (I understand they have to be, especially in front of the students of course!) And I just wonder how they do it. On little sleep, overworked. How the hell do they manage?? Although they have been doing the job for longer than I have, I suppose.

This thread is so depressing... Justine Greening should read it

I'm so tired but ironically I can't sleep! Fell asleep for a couple of hours last night around 11 and had teaching-related dreams...!

There's a recurring dream I have at the moment where I'll dream I'm asleep at home in my room and my pupils just wander in, with their books and pens, as if it's my classroom. And in the dream I won't notice them until I've heard them make a noise, and then obviously I'll go into an absolute panic about my lesson with them, what we're working on and why the hell they're in my room/home/private space!! I'm 100% convinced the dream is a hugely unsubtle hint from my brain about the job taking over my life, my massive fear (and my reality) of being under-prepared for lessons and not knowing what the fuck is going on half the time in terms on how to actually teach my subject or deal with the kids' behaviour. And feeling terrible for the kids. I will miss a lot of them loads. I really feel awful for letting them down at this stage.

I feel also that it's relevant to add here that I had two weeks of training before being put into my school. Two weeks. It's an absolute farce.

Of course it's a farce. Amazingly that's more than you would have got as a supply teacher (Maitre Auxiliarie) in France when you were just given a timetable back in the 90's and told to go and teach. I don't know about now. I'm assuming you were an English assistant so possibly just observed for a few days first. It's hard to be thrown in like that. It's like any job, some people just seem to have a natural aptitude and others take a bit longer to get there and both are potentially capable of being equally good at the job in the longer term, although some will hate it. And teenagers can be lovely and have some pretty shitty behaviour all at the same time. Stop beating yourself up.

Having done the thrown in the deep end bit myself and loved it, I'm really struggling to understand what attracted you to teaching when you found being an English Assistant testing. Much as I enjoyed teaching abroad in a Lycee, I never wanted to school teach after my experience. Dh really enjoying being Maitre Auxiliare and he said had he not met me, he would have stayed and trained for the CAPS. He had already taught elsewhere and then ended up in the same school, which is how we met. He then went on to teach as a French Assitant in England for a couple of years while improving his English and then found a regular job. School teaching as far as I'm concerned is a real calling because of the dedication you need and were I not chronically ill, I think I might like to teach now in my mid 40's. I taught to adults in Germany and loved it. But school teaching is a different ball game and I wouldn't have felt ready till my current age and I'd want to do teach older children. So never say never.

I think you are being wise to take a long hard look at what you really want to do. You're obviously very intelligent and capable and there are a wealth of opportunities out there for you. Right now I can hear you're feeling very wobbly. But you're young and you sound as though you have supportive parents so that's a really great start.

I trained as a mature student about 16 years ago. I enjoyed teaching until the appearance of Michael Gove. Then teaching became a hell hole full of bullying leaders. I was good at my job but not good at paper pushing. I quit and am now a farmer. Remember if you do not have good health (mental or physical) then it's not worth it. Good luck.

You need to get out now, before you spend any more time doing something you don't enjoy.

Do Academies work their teachers harder? Some do. Some state schools work their teachers harder. Some teachers work harder than others. Some cope better than others. It is irrelevant. You are all that matters here. There is no shame in realising that teaching isn't for you, so cut your losses before you get in too deep.

I teach English at a huge High School, mainly KS4. It's very tough, but for me hugely rewarding. So the job satisfaction for me makes the 12 hour days worthwhile. It won't get easier until you're in the job for many years. If you're not passionate now about a future in teaching, believe me that you will look back in five, ten years time, exhausted and disillusioned and will regret that you didn't get out earlier.

As far as coping with bad behaviour, this is something that you learn to deal with, through experience and having a skin like a rhino. I still have lessons I dread because of certain students, but generally I cope, deal with it, learn from it and move on. Supportive colleagues are key to this.

If I felt how you do, I'd quit, congratulate myself for realising that it isn't for me, and retrain for something I felt passionate about.

Derxa would love to leave my job (not teaching) and be a farmer , was always my dream job as a child . Lack of land is the biggest stumbling block

frumpet It's not always so dreamy . However it is good to be able to make your own decisions.

I have been a full time teacher most of my working life. It is so hard!! You cannot really have a life outside teaching anymore.
There are exceptions. PE teachers generally love their jobs and the recent report on Newsnight into Headships in the UK pointed to a disproportionate number of Heads who were former PE teachers. I think, because they were not so worn down by day to day teaching.
It used to be the case that SENCOs and SEN teachers found life much easier because they rarely teach more than a couple of students at a time. Lots of teachers want to go down that route because it is satisfying teaching one or two and seeing progress.
Things have to change though. Now so many people are able to work from home, school jobs are losing their attraction for mothers.
SLT have a much easier life than teachers in the classroom. They spend their days inventing new ways to observe/manage/rearrange classroom teachers. Most classroom teachers at this time of year are on their knees with exhaustion. There has to be far more support for teachers who are doing the actual job. I always felt that classroom teachers were at the bottom of the pecking order and took the buck for everything. You only have to see the daily posts on MN criticizing teachers. (Second, only to MILs for being in the firing line.)
Make sure you explain why you are leaving so that it is recognised how little effective support you have been given.

Hi again everyone,

Your support is hugely appreciated. Thank you.

I've decide to take the advice of several posters on here - I will be sending an email with a letter of resignation attached.

Within the resignation letter, I understand that I'll have to give reasons for leaving training and the school. I understand fully that these reasons have to come from me, but I'm struggling to think of objective, professional reasons to include. I would be really grateful for any help with outlining these reasons please.

Thank you.

If you're struggling now, leave. Before it really pushed you under.

I have a friend who was in the same situation. She ended up going into a TA role for three or four years. Then trying again. Second time has been a lot better I think.

Teaching isn't easy. It doesn't really get easier either. I love it, absolutely love it, but god knows I'm insane.

My second placement was in an academy and, yes, expectations were very high. Teachers had to stay after school, it was written in their contracts, and there was generally an ethos of working very hard, eg, marking books weekly (I teach English so that meant 30x year 7, 60x year 8, 30xyear 10 plus sixth form essays), changing displays weekly, organising trips, etc. I think the main difference was staff felt less able to object to workload and less protected if that makes sense, as if they had chosen this and got paid more because if it so had to just suck it up.

The teachers I know who have survived and genuinely love it are ones who prioritise a work/life balance. There are ways to do this and still get good results but you have to learn to cut certain corners, become resilient so you don't panic every time there's a lesson obs or learning walk and have supportive smt. You can't be staying up til 11pm every night.

Mummyoflittledragon that's a very, very good point. I can see now that I went into teaching for the wrong reasons. Or that's what I believe.

I love my subject, so that's one of the reasons why. I also genuinely wanted to make a difference to the lives of the students I teach. I feel that I went into the job with very little objective knowledge of what would be expected of me. I also did private tutoring this year and loved it. I fully understand it's very, very different from teaching. And that it can certainly come with its own pressures. Ironically, one of my students who I tutored was doing a primary PGCE. She found it very, very difficult, and decided to withdraw in April or May this year.

During my training, I was never actually taught how to teach. I don't know if PGCE students who are based at university are taught how to teach though?

Funnily enough, I also applied to Teach First this year. I was told that I would have got in had I shown even more evidence of my problem solving skills (one of the competencies they assess candidates on).

When you apply to Teach First, they don't tell you how many hours you'll teach per week at school if you're accepted. It turns out you teach for 20 hours. I couldn't believe it when I find out from the two Teach First trainees at my school. I really don't know how they do it. One of them worked as a teaching assistant last year, which I suppose is very useful for knowing if you want to go into teaching or not.

Re your resignation, if you're not reliant on them for a reference I'd say that you don't feel equipped for the job and the support is inadequate to get you there. I think it's important that reason is recorded.

When I quit I just went and told my uni lecturer/course leader. Can't remember actually putting it in writing but maybe I did and it was a uni lead course. I took my personal stuff with me from the school on the Friday without anyone noticing. We had uni day one day a week on the Monday so I just went in early and told the tutor. I never went back or had any further contact with the school. The uni sorted all that out.

We also had 4 weeks of theory before being placed in a school and expected to teach after a couple of observation lessons.

I do now still teach in my current job but teaching skills to one to one (or two) older students who want to be there and learn rather than 30 14 year olds who don't is a totally different experience.

Thank you again, everyone.

I'm just wondering if I should go into school to speak to my head of department or if I should email the resignation letter attached to an email? WWYD?

I've got a staff code of conduct booklet that I'm sure will have details about how to tender a resignation, but I've left it at school so I probably should go in.

Congratulations for reaching a decision. That was the hardest part (apart from the actual teaching practice of course!)

Why not ring the HoD now and let her know you'll be sending the letter? She may want you tom come in for a chat or she may be able to have that chat by phone.

Good luck.

My 21 year old DD1 is in her final year of a degree in French and Italian.

She was considering teacher training after her degree, but having spent her year abroad working as a teaching assistant in a run-down area of Paris she has completely changed her mind.

Your first post, and subsequent ones, have reminded me of the way she spoke during that time, and I thank god it is now behind her. She too spoke of lack of support, of being depressed, lack of sleep, endless hours of work, of being thrown in at the deep end and left to sink or swim by the staff of the French schools she was attached to, who couldn't even find it in them to try and be friendly to their assistants.

I know that in different schools and in different areas she could possibly have had a totally different experience, but she has turned her back on the idea for good. There is no shame in trying something and realising that is is not for you, will never gel etc.

I think you are right to leave the course now. You certainly will not be alone. Start doing some proper research into areas such as journalism, which you are interested in. I should think that once the weight of this training course has been lifted from your shoulders you will feel a mighty sense of relief.

My parents were teachers. Long retired now, but towards the end of their careers they were no longer enjoying it and their health, both physical and mental, suffered. They totally changed once retired.

Much of this is, of course, why recruitment to teaching is in such crisis, and I state that purely as fact, not to make you feel guilty at all because you shouldn't. Teachers are often not supported properly as far as I can work out, and they leave the profession in their droves.

Thank you for your post, topseyt. I absolutely agree with regards to your comments on teacher recruitment.

Also, to go back to something that Jennifer said earlier on here, a lot of the strategies used on behaviour management revolve around praise and rewards. It's really positive but definitely not realistic. We are expected to praise the students showing the most difficult behaviour when they accomplish things like sitting down, paying attention and opening their book. Otherwise these students simply walk out of the lesson. Or they come to the door at the start of the lesson and look inside. If they don't feel like attending, they don't come into the lesson. And they walk around in the corridors for the rest of the lesson until they are spotted and challenged by another staff member.

I teach a year group who are known, unfortunately, across the school for their extremely poor behaviour.

Several students in this class will walk out of my lesson of their own accord, swear, go to sleep during the lesson, throw things at each other instead of passing them or eat during the lesson. (This happened once, to my knowledge, after I found an empty packet of cakes on the carpet behind a chair. It was first thing on a Monday morning, so it could only have been put there during the lesson).

On another occasion, a student prised some glue out of a glue stick and threw it at another student who has long hair. The student with long hair understandably panicked and was very distressed. Their hair had to be cut to get the glue out.

Incidentally, the student who had the glue stuck in their hair is an outstanding student. Their behaviour is always exemplary, and they put in so much effort. I sincerely hope that they are able to achieve all of their goals and to get to where they want to be.

I wish that every student achieves their dreams. However, I feel it's particularly unfair - disgusting, even - that the well-behaved students suffer due to the actions of other students. Sadly, this will probably always be the case.

There are several children in this year group, however, whose behaviour is impeccable, who work hard and whose classwork and homework is always handed in on time and completed to an extremely high standard. Unfortunately, these children are in the minority, even though I would go so far as to say that their behaviour is what I should basically expect from any child (respectful attitude, ready to learn, follows instructions first time etc.)