Help. Desperate to give up teacher training.

[PamplemousseRouge]

Hi everyone.

I've posted here a couple of times before about my situation.

I'm training to be a teacher, and I'm struggling massively, to the point where I'm constantly seriously depressed and honestly struggle to find a point to still being here. Sorry this is so clumsily said - I hope I get the idea across.

I started training in August, and have been feeling overwhelmed, depressed and anxious since then.

I feel that it's relevant to add here that I also have extremely low self-esteem and low self-confidence.

I've never felt like this on such a regular basis. The depression, anxiety and inferiority that I feel is something that I've felt very day since starting, and it's never ever been so bad as now.

I also feel a huge sense of frustration, as I feel that I'm putting in a huge amount of effort but I still run out of hours in the day to get everything done. And I haven't been able to find time to look after myself properly, which I'm sure is also adding to my general feeling. I feel constantly tired, hungry and absolutely worn-out.

I'm seriously considering giving up. This sounds terrible, I know.

I'm wondering if I could look for another job at this stage? As in a non teaching job. And what my options are really. I'm particularly worried that companies and employers will overlook me once they see that I haven't completed teacher training and gave it up just three months in. Help.

I'm really, really struggling.

Any advice at all about how to help?

I've been to see my GP, who's said they'll reference me for counselling but I am still waiting to hear back about this.

Just feeling so completely down.

OP, this sounds horrendous. Have you spoken to your course leader/lecturer? I had one horrible placement (down to mentor there) on my PGCE and was very close to quitting, but they found me a different placement and I remembered that I did enjoy it.

I think you need to try to separate out the component parts here. Do you hate teaching? Or just the placement you are in at the moment (which would definitely have finished me off!) Are you struggling with your MH because of the PGCE alone or do you think it is exacerbating problems you had before. If you hate teaching, get out now. As other posters have said, lots of people do and I don't think it will hold you back in getting into something else. If you think it's more complicated than that and you would still like to teach, but not this course now and in these circumstances, then speak to your lecturer about changing placement if possible and/or postponing the course to return perhaps later. There's no right or wrong decision and you mustn't feel like a failure whatever you decide.

Ok, that last post, that you don't know what good is any more - that IS teaching in 2016. That sums it up. I'm very experienced, have been a well-respected teacher, and I'm leaving because of that. God knows what good is, I thought i knew but every day seems to be an endless list of stuff I do wrong. Don't stay for the holidays, they're not worth it.

Recognising when you're not coping is an important thing in life. Your mental health is as vital as your physical health. Please don't push yourself along this path. Your placement sounds awful and I honestly don't know how any teachers cope these days.

You need to look after yourself.

Hi Dahlietta, thanks for your message. I'm on a School Direct course, so I've been placed in one school where I'll stay for all of this academic year and next year.

At my meeting with my course tutors, they encouraged me to take time off, and my school have also encouraged it (I've let my school know that I will be taking at least tomorrow off - just relieved and happy that tomorrow is a Friday so I've got the weekend for a couple more days of rest)!

My tutors have told me that I will need to have a meeting about my progress when I come back from my time off. I fully understand this. I have not been making progress at all. I've had my teaching hours reduced by my school to help me, and still feel like . Time management is and I leave at least four days a week at 9pm, when the school closes for the night. The maintenance staff are starting to get seriously frustrated, I'm sure, with this, because they've had to put up with waiting for me to pack up and get my stuff together to leave. I live with flatmates who also work at the same school as me (not trainees though, they're both further in on their teaching career). We haven't clicked really as housemates - I've cried a couple of times in front of them, both because of my struggles at school and training and because of how I feel about our situation living together. They do everything together, and I've felt a bit isolated - they work in the same subject department, and will wake up at 5 to leave the flat together by 6. We live 15 minutes walk away from the school.

I'm so sorry. I just don't think I can do it anymore. Any of it. It's just become ridiculous. Awful.

Are you changing placement after christmas?

How did you control perfection during your previous studies?
If you don't like any aspect and it's making you ill it's futile to continue. But if you think you'd like teaching in a different school environment and want to continue you'll need to work out how to make it better and how to cope short term.

HardToDeal, you've hit the nail on the head there. I haven't a *** clue what 'good' is. The school is OBSESSED with progress. Absolutely obsessed. But they keep on changing their definition of it every half-term. FFS. I'm genuinely sorry to sound so absolutely defeated but I truly feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. With no clue how to feel better. FFS.

Nc it's School Direct course, so I would be staying in this school this year and next year as a NQT.

OP, I think then that you should quit and don't think twice about it for now. The whole situation sounds horribly stressful and you mustn't do it to yourself. When you're out of it, you will be in a better position to take stock. Could you, for example, reapply for a PGCE, where you will have at least two placements and no obligation to stay at either school? Or you may feel that you want to go back to this placement (though from the sound of it, I wouldn't recommend it!) and see if you can go back to it. Or you might realise you don't miss anything about teaching and you don't want to do it at all, which would equally be fine!

Okay, so you're doing Schools Direct in a very challenging school, one which is challenging to the point that you were pre-warned about it in the application process. Plus you're living with some other teachers from the school?

The school doesn't appear to be giving you suitable guidance in how to target your effort, and it's obvious you're working hard.

I think that you're in a difficult situation, and that sadly I wouldn't be surprised for someone doing their PGCE year under these conditions to be suffering in mental health.

It also sounds like you have high feelings of responsibility to the students, who aren't repaying it at this point.

I think you might have been better off doing the University-led training route, and that might be an option for the future.

You could, for example, leave the course now, think about coming back next year to do University-led training, and take some time out now to develop your other skills.

Cross post with similar advice!

I would start thinking of possible ways out and alternatives. See if you feel relieved at the thought of quitting and doing something else.
How long have you signed the rental contract for? Can you find another temp or retail job to cover the rent until you can move out?
I'm sure the bursary will just be cancelled from when you quit? Shoot a quick email off to the training provider to find out about this.

It took me a long time and a nervous breakdown to realise that work is just not worth killing yourself for. It's OK to not be able to do everything or succeed in everything. Some things just aren't suited to us and it's OK to take an easier path.

Yep you're right, Stonebees. I've been given guidance from the school, as I haven't been making sufficient progress. The guidance is several pages that list specific actions I need to take (e.g. film my lessons myself, and reflect on them). The actions are very useful. I just don't know how to factor them into my current timetable. Everything's going to shit.

I am not a teacher (but gave up part way through qualifying as a solicitor and am happily working in another profession) but it sounds to me like you should just stop. For all the reasons you have given and others have mentioned but also because in this frame of mind it will be impossible for you to make good decisions about your future.

Good luck to you : I think there is as much value workwise in knowing what you don't enjoy as knowing what you do. The experience will inform your decision making in the future and help you on the right road to the right sort of career for you.

Gently I signed the rental contract until August next year. I'm actually shaking now. I've never ever had panic attacks in my life, but have felt on the verge of one several times during the training so far. I'm absolutely serious when I say that I feel very close to breaking point and to a nervous breakdown. Last half-term, I also had the news (along with other students on my training course) that somebody on the course had passed away.

So I feel that I'm still struggling with that, especially as it brought back memories of one of my best friends passing away several years ago. I fully understand though that the other trainees also have this to deal with, and I don't mean to say in any way that I have been the worst affected by any means at all.

Do you have a placement at a second school coming up? I know the schools direct in my school all do half a term elsewhere as well? If so it may be worth waiting for that if its soon. Is this a career you always wanted and intended to enter or just something that was convenient. Unless it's something you have always wanted to do then I'd probably leave. I am also a secondary teacher and did my training 11/12 I had a really shite school and mentor for half the year that made me want to leave but luckily my second placement was much better. That said I wish that I had left during my training year because I don't enjoy it and never have and it's a lot harder for me to leave now as I've had too much time away from industry in area I have my degree and PhD in to go back and have no idea what else I could do I've applied for loads of other jobs but don't seem to have the experience for them even basic admin experience so unless this is something you think you will stick to long term, although a better school obviously, the think about leaving now.

Oh yes, and the "guidance" and "support" you have neither the time nor the energy to implement, but not following will be held against you - yep. Not just trainees who are on the receiving end of this.

You've had some excellent advice here, but for moral support - I quit teacher training three months in 16 years ago.

I've gone on to have a successful career in journalism. It was the best decision I could have made - not a disaster at all.

It's funny actually - I don't mean to say that this is any kind of specific pressure, but my Dad has always said to me that he thought I would always make a good teacher. He actually thought of being a teacher but works as an engineer. I've always wanted to be a journalist, but have really struggled to find jobs in journalism. Have had lots of work experience placements in journalism in different publications, worked on uni newspapers in different roles and love writing. I have a blog that I started before teacher training but haven't given myself any time to update it since starting training. I would love to go into journalism. Or to work abroad. I did a languages degree, and would love to move abroad - I'm so desperate to move to France or Belgium, or somewhere similar. I love using languages and speaking them, and reallly want to make of the opportunities they offer. I really feel I've made the wrong decision by applying to go into teaching. I've never had a 'passion' for it - I'd be interested to find out also, from current or former teachers on here, what made you be inspired to start teaching? Would love to hear how you were motivated to apply :) I do understand also that I've only seen a tiny cross-section of schools in one country (one school haha) so I only know about teaching from the experience I've had at my school.

TheCakes!! I didn't read your post until I'd just posted my previous one. How amazing. I feel so inspired. Do you think I could still go into journalism??

Convenience Welsh :( that's sadly the reason. Sounds awful, I know.

If you leave the course and the living situation is also affecting you, could you move in with family or friends for a while to give yourself some space and distance from the school and other colleagues?

You can always apply again if you really want to teach. I just wouldn't try to force myself through if you're so depressed and anxious or you won't be in any fit state to start working anyway at the end of it. Maybe deferring for a year as an initial plan of action might work? Then it's always there to go back to, but you can try out other options in the meantime to see if another path would suit you better?

Yes, thank goodness Gently. My family have said that I'll be able to stay with them, which is brilliant.

I am 42. I have been doing a job that makes me feel like that for 20 years. Years of training, expectation, unable to walk away from the salary. None of these should have made me stay. I can't see a way out now. Please if it's not for you get out. There's no shame in it. It's a courageous decision not a weak one. I wish I had been brave enough.

I gave up teaching formally after I had my children and have never looked back - the stress and anxiety were just not worth it. There's a whole world out there of other jobs and other places - leave this - give yourself some rest and then go out and do something else. Don't let this knock your self esteem - a job does not define you or define you as a successful person. Good luck OP xxxxxx

If you know already that teaching is something you don't have a passion for, then for God's sake, leave the course. At the best of times, it's hard work, long hours, and nigh-on impossible standards. Go and do something else.

One of the things that I am proud of (without wanting to sound wanky/up myself) is that I haven't given up on things so far when I've found them hard.

Look, I hear you on this, but it's time to reassess this. It's one thing to know that you can persevere when things are tough, it's another to pigheadedly and pointlessly smash your head against a wall, and you're well into the latter now. You are making yourself utterly miserable over something you don't even want to do that much. There is at least equal strength in being able to admit that something isn't working, to try a different path. It's OK to struggle, to get things wrong, and to change direction.

Why did you apply for teacher training? Was it - on some level - because of what your dad thinks? Are you getting any counselling? I think you need some hands-on support at present.