Help. Desperate to give up teacher training.

[PamplemousseRouge]

Hi everyone.

I've posted here a couple of times before about my situation.

I'm training to be a teacher, and I'm struggling massively, to the point where I'm constantly seriously depressed and honestly struggle to find a point to still being here. Sorry this is so clumsily said - I hope I get the idea across.

I started training in August, and have been feeling overwhelmed, depressed and anxious since then.

I feel that it's relevant to add here that I also have extremely low self-esteem and low self-confidence.

I've never felt like this on such a regular basis. The depression, anxiety and inferiority that I feel is something that I've felt very day since starting, and it's never ever been so bad as now.

I also feel a huge sense of frustration, as I feel that I'm putting in a huge amount of effort but I still run out of hours in the day to get everything done. And I haven't been able to find time to look after myself properly, which I'm sure is also adding to my general feeling. I feel constantly tired, hungry and absolutely worn-out.

I'm seriously considering giving up. This sounds terrible, I know.

I'm wondering if I could look for another job at this stage? As in a non teaching job. And what my options are really. I'm particularly worried that companies and employers will overlook me once they see that I haven't completed teacher training and gave it up just three months in. Help.

I'm really, really struggling.

Any advice at all about how to help?

I've been to see my GP, who's said they'll reference me for counselling but I am still waiting to hear back about this.

Just feeling so completely down.

Hi sarah, and thanks for your post. I do agree with what you've written - I think it's definitely fair to say that I like the idea of a straight and linear career, although I do understand that my career will realistically, as you point you, be more along the lines of a few different jobs/roles rather than one continuous post.

I also definitely think I should focus on my resilience. Do you have any strategies on how I could work on it perhaps? I've got a couple of books out on self-esteem and how to increase it, but in terms of resilience-building, I'd be interested to hear strategies.

My Sister gave up teacher training a couple of years ago. She really struggled and It just wasn't for her...

I know bugger all about teacher training, but I do know that If there's anything is making your life that miserable, you need to give it up and move on to something else.

Bit of a long shot, but as you have modern foreign languages, have you considered the European version of the civil service? I know nothing about the application process (I think the main job website is here: ec.europa.eu/civil_service/about/index_en.htm) but know a few people who have worked for different bits of it and they've seemed to have good experiences.

Ooh thanks Smiling!! :) just wondering whether the European Commission will be looking for UK employees after Brexit though? :(

I'm another one who gave up a PGCE - I gave up at Easter. I was great at writing essays, at talking about the theory of teaching, even at explaining grammar to small groups (also doing MFL), but was hopeless and deeply unhappy in the classroom. In hindsight (25 years later) I was too immature to handle the backchat confidently and appropriately- I don't think I yet felt adult enough.
I ended up in the Civil Service by accident - got a casual admin job initially to raise funds to pay back my bursary - but was able to progress. My boss at one time wanted me to apply for the internal Fast Stream but rather stupidly I decided to apply for the European Fast Stream instead and failed the personality test! However, the civil service can be a really interesting and varied career, especially if you can write and are fairly flexible about what you do and where you do it.

Hi pamplemousse

Fortunately for you, this is one of my specialist subjects, both by actual training and personal experience

There's a lot of basic stuff that gets overlooked. Sleep, exercise, and diet. Practise good sleep hygiene and go to bed and get up at the same time every day. Prioritise your sleep. Eat as well as you can manage. Cut down on alcohol. Exercise (absolutely essential for us anxious overachievers who live in our heads too much). Build a support network - make time to see friends. Pursue a hobby or something creative if it helps.

Then there's the psychological side, and a lot of that is about learning to test and challenge the beliefs that are holding you back. You might benefit from CBT for anxiety, or from more old-school person-centred counselling where it's more about having a safe space to express anything you want and someone who's on your side. Also, doing things you are bad at - just small, fun things - and learning to be OK with being bad at them. Learning to struggle and fail, in a low-stakes way, and keep trying. I suck at windsurfing, but I also quite like it, so I keep plugging away and taking the intermediate courses over and over again.

I just think you need to spend some time getting on stable ground and detaching your self-esteem from your job before you commit to another training/career path. I honestly think you'd be better just taking some jobs that are OK for now and not too stressful, and taking some time to think about what you want and what's doable. Lots of us fell into our careers by accident anyway, and found useful experience in all sorts of unexpected places.

Wow thank you Sunny for your post :) I'm really similar, I think, to how you've described yourself. I enjoy writing the essays and researching for them. Oh god I find it so difficult to deal with the backchat!!!

Thank you so much Sarah for your advice as well, it's really helpful :)

If anyone else has any further advice or anything to add. I'd be really grateful.

I'm an ex teacher too.
It's not failing, it's deciding you don't want what's on offer.

Teaching isn't like what you think it might be. It was the kids behaviour that I didn't like. It's a job with very little support too. It's like being bullied constantly - no wonder you feel shaky. Try something else. Get your self esteem back from being good at something else.

it's like being bullied constantly - yes! In the wrong school it's exactly like that! And if you try and seek help you get a rep as unable to manage behaviour so most teachers struggle on and don't bother try and get support.

I gave up 2 years into a 4 year primary teaching degree. Loved my 1st year placement but within weeks of my 2nd year placement I wasn't eating or sleeping right, the GP diagnosed depression due to my situation. All my coursemates loved their schools but I hated it, the teachers were abrupt and unhelpful and acted strangely around me, they made a huge fuss about me coming in slightly late one day for an urgent opticians appointment (I had no time with the kids during this time and was up to date with my planning etc) and when I went to the staff room one break to find it empty I was informed that the staff tended to work through breaks, so I felt like a lazy trout for the crime of making a cuppa at break!

I went to my uni tutor and had a cry and then decided to cut my losses - I wasn't enjoying it, and the experience had totally put me off another 2 years of teacher training. It really wasn't ideal but I went on to do a degree that I LOVED and later did an MA, so totally the right choice for me to quit. It's really not for everyone and I fully admire anyone that sticks it out, I was definitely unlucky with my placement school but if it's not for you it's not for you. Good luck with whatever you decide

Thanks, everyone :) I'm so grateful for your support and advice.

The situation, I feel, with my training provider and school is that when I receive support (whether this is because I have asked for it or someone has felt that I've needed it) is either that people are telling me not to worry about anything and just to completely relax because everything's fiiine (their words!) or they're telling me to work harder (as in, I receive a document that lists several areas that I need to improve on to be making sufficient progress, rather than just one or two specific and manageable steps).

I'm so tired of this. It feels like so many mixed messages - one minute, they're saying, oh you don't need to worry about anything, and the next minute they're telling me that I really need to knuckle down. I honestly haven't got a fucking clue how to teach, by the way. I'm so frustrated with myself and the situation.

I've been told that I can take some time off now if I need to, however they've said to me that I'll have a meeting to discuss my lack of progress as a trainee when I return to work. They've also said that, in order to show I've made progress, I'm of course going to have to catch up on everything that I'll have missed while I've been away, which obviously means working even harder. I just don't have it in me anymore. I don't have any energy. I know that sounds like I'm just temporarily tired now, but I'm absolutely knackered. I don't feel I've got anything left to give at all. Genuinely. And I know teaching is an extremely high-energy job at the best of times...!

Of my 4 placement schools, I had a miserable time at 3 of them.

I work in a school. It's my second career after the first one, a job that made me feel as you do now. It's not worth it.

But I would not train to be a teacher for any money, much as I love what I do.

You already sound bright and enthused about doing something else. The personality issues which have made teaching very difficult for you may be something you may have to look at again and come to terms with, but I would leave now. Teaching is hard for lots of reasons, and lots of them are nothing to do with your perceived "failings".

I agree with sarahnova - all of it. Especially detaching your self-esteem from a job

Have you thought about TEFL or learning to teach TEFL ? Just a thought

Teaching is so hard, one observation 'drop in ' after another. SLT always have a new focus to look at in lessons. It feels threatening every time the door opens.
You are really, really well qualified and there are so many employers out there who need people like you. Lots of friends of mine have left teaching and turned to Law, journalism, medical sales, jobs in the media.
What other profession does not allow you to go to the loo when you need?Breaks and lunch are always so full on that I often get to the end of the day without being able to go to the loo at all (let alone get a drink or something to eat).Believe me, it can be a shock to work somewhere where employers treat you well after working as a teacher in a school.

Leave now. you are not happy, are not enjoying the course, are not coping. the pressure WILL get more intense, and your NQT year will be the hardest thing of all, at that stage you would have class, tutor group and year group commitments that would be harder to cover if you left half way. If you leave now there will be some inconvenience to the school and the trainer but nothing major, your mental health will improve and your anxiety levels will be reduced.

If you get asked for feedback be honest about the support you have had, or have not have.

My mentor in my placement school critiqued my lesson one day. She handed me a list if all the things I had done "wrong" including "not enough positive feedback".

oh the irony.

I have never been in a job before or since, where I was given lists of things I had to improve upon, whilst getting good ratings, and passing. I wanted to know was I good enough, or not?

I did my PGCE last year and it was all encompassing. Didn't have a free evening or weekend and felt anxious and frustrated most of the time - I even dreamt about teaching . Everything you are feeling at the moment is perfectly normal (for teaching!) I did stick out the year and have just started my NQT year but on my terms. I know my MH would not have coped with working FT so I have opted to do maternity cover 3 days a week, which means I have my weekends back to spend with my family although days off tend to be taken up with a few hours of work. However the feeling of frustration and worry if I'm good enough still sticks and it's something I'm working to overcome. It sounds like you've had a really crap week which happens to us all - mine was 2 weeks ago and I seriously thought of chucking in the towel. Ultimately only you can make the decision as what is best for you - hope you have a better week.

Leave now with your head held high (ex-teacher)

Failure to manage behaviour across the school is a serious weakness NOT your weakness but SLTs. Kids know there are no consequences.

Everybody could i please ask for your help once more?? :) You've all been absolutely amazing so far

I'm trying to work out what I should do tomorrow. I really think it's time for me to call it a day with teaching. I know it sounds awful though.

I'm not sure what the best way is to let my school and training provider know of my decision. Should I drop them an email to ask? Not even sure how to phrase it. Any suggestions you might have would be amazing!

You are not cut out for teaching in a secondary school. You need to be physically and mentally robust and resilient to cope and even more so to thrive.
Leave now would be my advice. Sort the other issues in your life out when you have left. Teaching only gets harder and the present government is determined to make it more so.

If you think it is hard now, next year you will have a bigger timetable and exam classes as a secondary teacher.

Great decision. I would submit your notice as a formal letter of resignation attached to an email.

Whoever said that poor behaviour is like constantly being bullied is right. It brought me to my knees last year while I was trying to support my mum through terminal illness. I quit just before she died to be with her and I will never go back. My fear, my absolute, freezing cold fear is putting my children through secondary school. I can't think of a decent one.